In Your Eyes
by Raven Shadowrose
Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?
1. Chapter One

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

* * *

**Chapter One.**

The small family sat opposite caught her attention. She watched how they interacted with each other, she saw the concern and worry the parents had for their son. It had been a strange day, a roof collapsed at a school which threw her into the lives of many children. As much as she tried to fight it, that overwhelming urge to be a mother resurfaced once more.

She saw a lot of herself in Isaac, he was hiding who he was to make his father proud. It reminded her if what she had done, hiding her true self from her father and marrying Jeff to make him proud. She chuckled to herself as she watched the family again going the piece of advice she gave Isaac over and over in her mind: 'Don't live your life on regret.'

Dixie was pulled from her contemplations as she heard Jeff groaning behind her turning around to see him as he placed his hand on her shoulder. 'What have you done now?'  
'Crashed in the first corner, turns out those tyres round the side of the track really hurt.' He replied sitting next to her letting out another groan. Dixie half smiled at her husband.

'You had it x-rayed?'  
'Nah, It's just a sprain. Couple of days and it'll be fine.' Dixie did not reply but turned to stare at the family again losing herself once more in thoughts of motherhood. Jeff noticed she had gone quiet and followed her gaze across the waiting room.

'You all right? Penny for them.' He asked. He didn't often see her like this, he knew she had something on her mind and he wanted her to share it with him.

'Ah ignore me. Just having a moment.' Dixie replied shuffling in her chair. Jeff still looked at her quizzically before she spoke up once more. 'I do think about it sometimes you know. What it would be like you be a mum.' As Dixie said these words she could not stop the wide smile that crept across her face.

Jeff didn't really know how to respond to this, all he could muster was a simple 'yeah' whilst looking over at Dixie who was still smiling. 'You're not suggesting that we do... you know?'  
Dixie's face dropped 'No... no I am not suggesting that!' She pulled a face as Jeff looked away a little embarrassed and taken aback by the suggestion and her rejection. He would do it if that is what she wanted. Jeff always assumed Dixie was content with what they had together, he never thought she wanted children, but she clearly does. He looked away from her fiddling with his collar and jacket trying to hide his hurt from her. He would jump into bed with her in a heartbeat if she wanted to have children. Jeff was in love with Dixie, she was his best friend, his wife, he would do anything for her and if it meant giving her a child, he would without a shadow of a doubt.  
The silence was broken as Dixie got up. 'Right come on peg leg, I am going to buy you a very large mojito.' She helped him to his feet snaking her arm into his as they left the ED together.

'Awww good, can I have two?'  
'No.' Jeff let Dixie lead them out of the ED and into the fresh air, they enjoyed a comfortable silence both lost in their own thoughts as they slowly headed across the car park. They did not realise just how compatible or in sync with each other they really were, both thinking about children. Jeff's thoughts turned to John and Sophia before thinking back to what Dixie had said. He would do anything for her, absolutely anything. The thought of fathering a child with her made him feel all warm inside, he couldn't think of a better mother for their baby.  
Dixie led Jeff to a small table in the corner sitting him down gently on the chair. As she pulled herself up from helping him, her lips touched his cheek giving him a soft kiss. She pulled away smiling at him before walking over to the bar. Jeff watched her, placing his hand to his cheek feeling her kiss still lingering.


	2. Chapter Two

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your comments :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Two.**

Dixie put the two glasses down on the table and sat back in her seat. 'As promised Jeffrey, one mojito.'

'Cheers Dix.' Dixie and Jeff sipped at their drinks. 'Another day done with Dix.'

'I know, those poor kids at that school.'

'It is always hard when kids get injured, young people shouldn't end up in hospital.'

'No, they shouldn't.' Dixie hated when young people got hurt, it always got to her, always made her think about wanting to be a mother. Jeff suggesting that they sleep together so she could get pregnant had taken her by surprise, she couldn't ask him to do that for her, could she? Jeff was a lovely man but he was a man and not usually someone that she would take into her bed, he was the wrong sex entirely and she couldn't use him in that way. She cared about Jeff and it felt so wrong to her to take him into her bed and then discard him like that once she got pregnant. 'Dixie?'

'Oh, sorry Jeff, I was just thinking.'

'About what?'

'The kids in the school, I'm just glad they got out of there alive.'

'Me too, it was partly down to you that they made it out. You're a brave woman Dixie.'

'Thanks Jeff, you're sweet.' Dixie found the subject of children running into her head again, Jeff would make a wonderful father, maybe there was another way, maybe she could be inseminated and get pregnant that way.

Jeff knew that Dixie's mood was more than likely down to something other than the shout that they had been on. He was surprised how much Dixie's rejection of his suggestion of them sleeping together had hurt him. He'd been fine with their situation, they shared everything apart from beds, he'd always been okay with it until today. 'Jeff, do you want another one?'

'I thought you said I couldn't have another one.'

'I know, it has been a rough day, I thought we could use a treat.'

'All right then, here, let me get them this time.' Jeff handed the money to Dixie and she went to get them another drink. Jeff watched her walk away, he tried to pull himself together, nothing would ever happen between them.

Dixie ordered their drinks and waited at the bar for the barman to finish pouring them, she handed him the money and picked up their drinks. 'Cheers mate.' Dixie put the drinks down and gave Jeff his change back.

'Blimey, is that all the change I get back?'

'I got chocolate and crisps too.'

'Is it mad moo week again?'

'No, why does it always have to be that? Sometimes I just want junk food.'

'Give me some.'

'No, it is mine.'

'I paid for it.'

'Say please and I might just forgive you for those comments about my monthlies.'

'Please Dixie, give me some.' Jeff batted his eyes at Dixie and she laughed.

'All right, you can have some.' Dixie broke off some of the chocolate and gave it to Jeff, she opened out the crisps and took a few for herself.

'Why are you having coke?'

'Because I'm driving.'

'Good point.'

'Yes it is.' Dixie started picking at the crisps again and lost herself in her thoughts.

Jeff watched Dixie absent-mindedly eat the crisps, cheese and onion, they were her favourite. Dixie only eats crisps and chocolate when she's mulling things over, he wondered if she was thinking about kids again. Jeff didn't want to bring it up as he didn't want to face the awkward rejection that he had got from Dixie before. He'd always known that he would do anything for the woman that was sat in front of him, anything, even if she asked him to get her pregnant and then to go back to separate rooms. He would do it, he would keep the memories of the nights they shared together for the rest of his life. It appeared that he would never get the chance.

Dixie put her glass down on the table, Jeff was lost in his own thoughts, had she been too harsh in her rejection of him earlier? She was sure that he knew the score, that though they were married they would never be together in the physical sense, that she didn't want more than what they had together. Why did he look as if someone had taken his favourite toy away? Why was she feeling guilty? Dixie sighed, all she wanted was to go home. 'Jeff, give me the keys.'

'What, why?'

'You can hardly drive like that, can you peg leg?'

'No, I suppose not. How long are you going to call me that for?'

'Until you stop limping.'

'Mean woman, I'm injured and this is the way you treat me.'

'Come Jeffrey, let's go home.' Dixie took the car keys from Jeff and linked arms with him again as he stood up. 'I'll get you some ice for that ankle when we get home.'

'Stop fussing woman, I'm fine.'

'Of course you are, that's why you're limping.' Dixie knew that Jeff was in more pain than he was admitting, she made a note to make him sit down and rest when they got home.

Jeff let Dixie help him into the car, his ankle was definitely hurting him, he knew it was only a sprain but it really was hurting now. 'Okay Jeff, we won't be long, you can put your feet up.'

'Maybe that is a good idea Dixie, I don't think I'll be driving anything for a while.'

'Does that mean I can drive the ambulance without you complaining?'

'Only until I am properly fit again.'

'I look forward to the peace and quiet.'

'Cheeky woman.' Jeff smiled, he loved that they could have these little arguments, they didn't mean anything by it. Generally they bounced off each other and he could count on one hand the amount of serious arguments that they'd had. He was glad that they very rarely had proper arguments, he hated it when Dixie wouldn't talk to him, usually after he had done something reckless, he was trying not to do it as much these days.

Dixie alarmed the car and took Jeff into the house. 'Sit down there love, I'll get you something for your ankle.'

'Thanks Dix.' She opened the freezer door and pulled out one of the trays of ice, she put a few cubes into a towel and looked at the wine rack, perhaps they could share a bottle of wine. Dixie opened the wine and got two glasses out of the cupboard, she took everything into Jeff and handed him the ice. 'Let me take a look.'

'Everything is fine Dixie.'

'Stubborn man, let me have a look.'

'All right, only because I know you won't let it go.'

'You would be the same if it was me.'

'Fair point.' Dixie took a look at Jeff's ankle, it was swollen but nothing that wouldn't heal with time, she put the ice on the swollen bit and held it there.

Jeff settled down, the ice was making his ankle feel a lot better, the pain was subsiding. He noticed the wine on the table. 'What's the wine for Dixie?'

'I just thought we could share it.'

'I won't say no to that.' Jeff noticed that Dixie had put his injured leg up on the table. 'Does that mean I can put my feet up on the table all the time?'

'Don't push it Jeffrey, this is only because you need your leg up and I'm getting tired of holding it.'

'Yeah, I love you too.' Jeff chuckled. 'Give us some of that wine then Dix.'

'What's the magic word Jeffrey?'

'Please, my darling wife, will you pour me some of that wine?'

'Of course, my dear husband.' He detected the amusement in Dixie's voice, she sat on the sofa and handed him his glass of wine.

'Cheers doll.'

'Doll?' Dixie picked up the remote and flicked through the channels. 'What shall we watch?'

'I don't know, football?'

'Dream on Jeff.'

'I should have known that was coming.'

'Yep, you should have.' Jeff let Dixie flick through the channels until she eventually settled on one of the radio stations. 'Nothing on the telly, it is all rubbish.'

'So you've gone for music instead?'

'Yeah.' He heard Dixie sigh quietly, he knew that she was still thinking about children. Did he have the courage to talk to her about it again? He didn't like to think that she was upset about it, maybe after another glass of wine he would bring it up again.


	3. Chapter Three

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 for your comment, enjoy this chapter.**  


******Please note, the chapter contains some adult content, you have been warned and the authors take no reponsibility for you not liking what you read if you continue reading this chapter.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Three.**

They sat lost in their thoughts listening to the music. Jeff would look over at Dixie, he could see she was mulling things over in her head, he knew she was thinking about children. Even though they were incredibly close, this was something they never really talked about, they just seemed happy to have each other.

Every now and again Dixie shook herself from her thoughts to move over towards Jeff's foot. He would watch her slowly remove the tea towel, check on the swelling before rotating the ice placing it back down gently. He continued to look on as she readjusted the cushion that supported his bare foot before returning to her wine and thoughts.

This was killing Jeff inside, he wanted to know how desperately she wanted to have children, he needed to know how serious she was about this. He reached over to pick up his glass swallowing the contents down in one hit. Jeff placed it gently on the coaster before turning to face Dixie. 'You okay Dix?'  
'Yeah, honestly mate, I am fine, like I said, I am just being silly.'  
'Why do you think you are being silly?'  
Dixie let out a sigh before she leant forward topping up the glasses with wine. 'Just am that's all, honestly love, nothing to worry about, probably just my hormones.'  
Jeff watched her reshuffle on the sofa pulling off her socks so her bare feet were showing as she too placed her feet up on the coffee table. 'Oi Mrs Collier get those feet down right now.' Jeff said sternly but jokingly at the same time.

'Why? What are you going to do if I don't peg leg?' Dixie responded looking at him smugly knowing that he couldn't exactly do anything with ice on his foot.

Jeff seized the opportunity to show Dixie how serious he was about sleeping with her to give her what she wanted. He didn't mind if she rejected him in that way once she became pregnant, but the thought of sleeping with her, giving her a child was causing a whole new range of emotions to stir from within him.

Dixie eyed Jeff curiously to see what he was going to do, she wasn't expecting him to shuffle along the sofa towards her or to place a gentle kiss upon her lips before tickling behind her knee making her scream before she pulled her legs away placing her feet firmly on the floor. 'You cheeky sod.'  
'But you love me.' Jeff replied. He stayed where he was sitting closer to Dixie looking at her as she continued to think.  
'Dix?'  
'Ummm.'  
'Are you still thinking about wanting to be a mum?' Jeff bit his lip as he asked this question, he didn't want to upset Dixie, but he needed to know.

'A little maybe, but, like I said, I am just having a moment.'  
'The moment seems to be lasting a long time though.'  
'What do you mean by that?'

Jeff sighed heavily while thinking of what to do. It was obvious to him that Dixie wasn't going to ask, but he just didn't know how to bring the subject up again. Instead he passed her the glass of wine, chinking his against it before they both drank down the contents. 'I think that wine has just gone straight to my head.' Dixie said as she tried to put her glass down on the coaster but missed making her and Jeff laugh.

'A little tipsy are we Mrs Collier?'  
'Not one bit.' Dixie said smiling as Jeff then tried to pour more of the wine into the glasses but he just couldn't get the coordination right so he gave up.

'You still thinking of having children Dixie?'  
'A little, I often think about what it would be like. What I would feel like carrying a baby, giving birth to it and caring for it. Having it call me Mummy.' Jeff saw Dixie's eyes light up as she said this, he saw something in her that he hadn't done for quite some time. Jeff sat there staring at Dixie who was giggling at the thought of being a mum, he lent forward once more taking her head in his hand as he edged closer towards her lips, if she wanted a baby, he would give her a baby.

Dixie felt Jeff's hand against her cheek; she was lost in the moment thinking about how gentle his touch was against her skin. Millions of thoughts were racing through her mind at that point; none of them were making any sense to her, even less so when she felt Jeff's lips touch hers. It had been a long time since she had been kissed by anyone, was this what she wanted?

Jeff's lips lingered on hers as he slowly began to capture them in his mouth, he kept it soft and gentle before those emotions came flooding back, he was no longer thinking with his head, he was thinking with something else. He was experiencing feelings he had not had in quite some time, something was rising within him.

Dixie let Jeff kiss her; she felt his lips parting over hers as he tried to deepen the kiss they were sharing. Something was stirring within her, something made her tilt her head and part her lips allowing his tongue into her mouth. Slowly she slipped her tongue into his as their kiss intensified. Dixie moved herself so she was closer to Jeff using her hands to caress his back as they fell back onto the sofa. Jeff brought the kiss to a gentle end staring into Dixie's eyes, he could see the want in them just as much as she could probably see it plastered across his face. Dixie smiled at Jeff moving the ice from his foot taking him by the hand leading him up the stairs and into his bedroom.

Jeff couldn't quite believe what was happening, he was being led up the stairs to his room by his best friend, emotions were running high for him, and he was now thinking of one thing, that one thing was sex.

Dixie opened the door to his bedroom and pulled him inside moving her body so she was right up against his. He looked down into her eyes, he could see wanting, yearning, passion. He took her once more into his arms locking his lips firmly on hers once more as their mouths opened beneath one another; they were hungry, hungry for each other.

Jeff moved his hands across her top before gently pushing her back up against the wall next to his window. The moonlight streamed in through the open curtains illuminating the semi dark room, with the door open, the light from the landing was streaming in giving them enough light so they could see each other, but the net curtains provided some privacy. He thought of closing the door and curtains, but, that would take time, he wanted Dixie and wanted her now. He had her up against the wall continuing to kiss her while feeling himself becoming more aroused, he felt as if his erection was going to burst out of his jeans! He was desperate to have her.

Dixie was losing herself in the kiss she was sharing, naughty thoughts racing through her mind as she stood up against the wall, she could feel Jeff growing as his lower body moved in closer to hers, she couldn't believe how turned on she was becoming by this. Dixie reached her hands down undoing Jeff's button and zip pulling down his jeans so they fell around his ankles before she did the same with his boxers. She felt his erection ping out and bury itself into her thigh as they continued to kiss. She moved her hand down to his lower back holding him in closer to her.

Jeff broke the kiss as he pulled on her jeans dropping them and her thong to the floor before she stepped out of them returning to stand against the wall. Dixie caught sight of Jeff's erection and gasped, excitement flowed through her knowing in a minute she would be feeling him. Jeff pushed her firmly against his bedroom wall before using his right hand to pull her left leg up to his waist holding it in position before he used his left hand to guide his erection into her. He hovered in position just placing the tip inside her before desire took over leaving him to ram it into her. Dixie cried out as she felt Jeff enter her full on and hard. Once he was in, he continued to hold her leg in one hand while pushing her right shoulder against the wall with his left hand. Their eyes locked onto each other as Jeff moved in and out of her thrusting hard and fast.

Dixie moved with every thrust maintaining her balance on her right leg which was firmly on the floor. After a few thrusts, she timed her movements with Jeff perfectly, bringing herself down onto this length as he thrust making the penetration intense and deep. 'Fuck Jeff.' She whispered before letting out another moan as he continued to move inside her.

Jeff let out moans of pleasure as he felt Dixie come down onto his length, he felt really deep inside her. They continued like this until Dixie leant in to kiss Jeff, as she did, she lost her footing and sent the pair of them crashing down onto his bed. This didn't stop them, Jeff was still inside her, she was now on top straddling his thighs moving herself up and down as he continued to thrust hard into her.

Dixie straightened her back sitting upright on top of Jeff as they continued to move. Jeff found his hands firmly on her thighs pushing her down as he moved. 'Fuck Dix, I am going to cum.'

'Shit not yet Jeff, I am almost there.' Dixie felt herself slowly start to let go, she tightened her thighs and muscles around Jeff's hard erection trying to hold him in place as her body began to quiver. Jeff needed to release, he could feel it rising making its way along his length ready to erupt into her. Dixie closed her eyes as she felt her orgasm take hold moaning Jeff's name and groaning loudly. This was all he needed, without a second thought and using what remaining strength he had, Jeff flung Dixie onto her back pushing himself deep inside her even more as he let out a loud scream coming inside her.

Dixie felt him erupt, she felt complete having a part of Jeff inside of her, she felt warm and contented. She didn't want to let him go, she wanted him to stay inside her. They lay together for a few minutes catching their breath before Jeff slowly withdrew from her lying next to her. Dixie moved up the bed so she was resting on the pillows next to Jeff feeling her eyelids starting to close. They looked into each other's eyes once more sharing a small kiss before sleep took over, both falling asleep on top of the duvet half-dressed allowing the moonlight once more to illuminate the room as they slept.


	4. Chapter Four

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 for your comment, we really appreciate it :)**  


* * *

**Chapter Four.**

Dixie awoke to light coming in through the window, why hadn't she closed the curtains last night? She hadn't been that drunk, a bit tipsy for certain but not drunk enough not to close the curtains. She remembered a strange dream where she and Jeff had made love against his bedroom wall, what an odd thing to dream about. Dixie opened her eyes and looked at the clock, five am, she had an hour and a half before she had to get up for work. Wait, why was her clock on the wrong side? Dixie rolled over and came face to face with Jeff, she looked at him and realised he was half naked and so was she. All of her memories came flooding back, talking about kids, Jeff kissing her, then taking his hand and leading him into his bedroom. She blushed as thoughts of Jeff entering her and making her orgasm filled her head, it surprised her that she'd enjoyed it as much as she had.

Dixie looked at Jeff as he slept and guilt filled her, had she taken advantage of him? She'd always suspected that he loved her and would do anything for her. What would happen now? How did she feel about Jeff? Everything was different, they'd done something that had changed their relationship forever. Dixie rubbed her face, she needed time to think and she couldn't do that here with Jeff asleep beside her. She got up quietly and picked her jeans and underwear up off the floor. Dixie took one last look at Jeff, she covered him up with the other half of the quilt and then left the room.

Dixie went and gathered something to wear from her room and went into the bathroom, she wanted to have a shower and clear her head. She locked the door and turned the shower on, she stripped of the remainder of her clothing from yesterday and stepped under the hot spray. Dixie closed her eyes and let the water wash over her, she sighed quietly, what had she done? She was not a straight woman, what had she been thinking of? A little voice inside her head was mocking her, telling her that she had enjoyed it, she tried to shut it up but it wasn't going away. Deep down she knew that she had enjoyed it, that having Jeff inside her had given her a sense of satisfaction and completion. She shut off the shower and quickly dried herself, once she was dry she got dressed and quickly brushed her teeth. Dixie contemplated breakfast but she didn't feel like eating just yet.

Dixie went downstairs and patted Little Abs on the head, she let him out into the garden for a little while and just watched him. She wished that she was a dog, life was much simpler for animals, especially with the turn that her life had recently taken. Little Abs came running back in and she locked the back door again. She picked up the bag containing her uniform and then put it down again. She quickly wrote Jeff a note and attached it to the fridge where she knew that he would see it. Dixie knew that she was being a coward, running out of the house before Jeff was even awake but she had to leave him a note, if she didn't then he would worry about her. She picked up the bag again and then left the house, she hoped that the walk to work would clear her head better than the shower had.

Jeff reached over to turn his alarm clock off and was puzzled when his arm landed on the pillow, he inched his way over and pressed the button, the annoying noise instantly stopped. He stretched and winced as his ankle moved, the ice that Dixie had put on it had made it feel better last night but now it was hurting again. Dixie... his pillow smelled of her, why did his pillow smell of her? Jeff searched his memories and one came through loud and clear; the one of Dixie on top of him and the feeling of a part of him being deep inside her body. Jeff closed his eyes, he remembered everything, taking Dixie up against the wall, why had he done that? The thought popped into his head that Dixie deserved better than what they had done last night, he had lost control of himself and now he may have lost his best friend in the process. Jeff pulled the quilt back and found himself half-dressed, Dixie must have covered him with the quilt before she left the room. When had she left? He didn't hear her go, he quickly pulled on his jeans from yesterday and went in search of Dixie, he had to know that she didn't hate him.

Jeff stood outside Dixie's room and knocked on the door, no answer. 'Dixie, are you in there?' Still no answer. Jeff pushed the door open and found only an empty room, maybe she was downstairs. He made his way downstairs and looked around, only Little Abs was there. 'Hi mate, where's Dixie?' Little Abs just looked at him, clearly the dog had no answers for him. Jeff put the kettle on and got the coffee out of the cupboard, where had Dixie gone? He went to the fridge and took out the milk, it was only when he shut the door that he saw the note attached to the fridge. He read it quietly, she'd gone to work, without him. It was signed with her usual kiss at the end but the fact that she had left so early said it all, she probably regretted what happened between them last night.

Jeff suddenly found his appetite gone, what if Dixie asked for a divorce? He didn't want her to go away, didn't want to lose her, he was angry at himself for letting things go that far. He should have shown some self control and not kissed her, what had he been thinking of? They weren't that drunk but drunk enough that they had thrown every caution out of the window and done something that could spoil everything. He put his cup into the sink and went back upstairs, he took a quick shower and got himself dressed for the day, maybe if he got to the station soon then he would be able to talk to Dixie before their shift started. He needed to talk to her, he needed to make all of this right again.

Jeff picked up the keys to the car and his unform from by the door, he locked the house up and then drove to work, he tried to drive carefully, if he got caught speeding then Dixie would kill him, assuming she wanted anything to do with him that is. Jeff parked up the car and headed into the station, he was met by Norman as he stepped through the doors. 'You're working with me today, Dixie said something about she had to do paperwork so she is making herself the rapid response paramedic for the day.'

'Right, where is she now?'

'She headed out on a shout about ten minutes ago.'

'Okay, thanks Norman.' Jeff sighed and went to get changed, he knew that Dixie was avoiding him, she hated working alone, for Dixie to take rapid response must mean that she is upset about what happened between them. Jeff vowed to find Dixie at the earliest opportunity and try to apologise.

Dixie felt guilty, she hadn't yet worked up the courage to see Jeff, she knew that she would have to talk to him about last night but she was finding it difficult, what must he think of her? He probably thought that she regretted what they had done, it couldn't be further from the truth, she didn't regret anything. She was unsure of what they would do now, whether they would become a couple or go back to being friends, could they do that? She wasn't sure that it was possible. Dixie sighed, she was going to have to see Jeff, he was on a shout right now, she'd heard it come through the station radio earlier but the minute he got back then she would talk to him.

Jeff sighed, he hadn't seen Dixie all day and it was getting to him, he was worried about her. He just wanted to talk to her and make sure that she was all right. He hoped that this shout would be a quick one so he could get back to the station and look for Dixie again, not that he would have any more luck than before. He was always being told that he had just missed her or that nobody knew where she was. She was avoiding him, she must seriously regret the night that they had spent together. Jeff was thoroughly miserable, if only he had kept his self control then they wouldn't be in this position.

Jeff picked up the medical kit from the back of the ambulance and looked up at the warehouse in front of him, he was betting that this was a hoax call. 'Come on then Norman, let's go and check it out.'

'Jeff, I have a bad feeling about this, maybe we shouldn't go in.'

'You know as well as I do that this will be a hoax call, the sooner we check it out, the sooner we get back to the station.'

'I really don't think that we should go in.'

'Fine, you stay here then, I'm going in.' Jeff stalked off towards the building, Norman was just being ridiculous. 'Hello, paramedics,' he called as he went in. 'Ambulance service.' Jeff looked around but he couldn't see anyone. 'Bloody timewasters,' Jeff muttered to himself as he looked around the building. He saw some movement out of the corner of his eye and walked in the direction of it. 'Hello, anyone there?' He turned as someone moved quickly from the corner of the building and tried to run towards the doors. 'Oh no you don't.' Jeff grabbed the youth by the arm. 'So you think prank emergency calls are funny, do you? You're not going anywhere until the police get here.' Jeff tried to keep hold of the youth but he wasn't prepared for them to punch him in the stomach. Jeff felt the air rush out of his body and he doubled over as the second punch landed not far from the first one. Jeff staggered backwards and felt his head hit something hard behind him, he closed his eyes to try and stop the room spinning. Jeff sat down on the floor, this day was just going from bad to worse.

Jeff heard Norman speaking but his words weren't making much sense, all he was thinking about was Dixie, was this his punishment for letting things go too far last night? Would she hear that he had been hurt, would she care? Would she come herself or would she send someone else to deal with this? Jeff sighed quietly, his head really was beginning to hurt, he had hit it quite hard on whatever it was that was behind him. He sighed again, Norman was still talking, why doesn't he just shut up? Jeff held the hope that Dixie would come out to him, he wanted her here right now, he needed her here, she was the only one that could make him feel better.

Dixie was pondering talking to Jeff when her radio went off. 'Holby control to 3001.'

'3001 receiving.'

'Priority call from 3006, back-up needed, paramedic injured.' Dixie was suddenly very worried, 3006 was Jeff and Norman's call sign, what had happened to them out there? 'Are there any details?'

'Negative.'

'3001 all received and mobile.' Dixie hurriedly put on her coat and ran out the RRV, what if it was Jeff and he had been seriously hurt?

Dixie rushed to the warehouse and parked the car next to the ambulance. 'Jeff, Norman, where are you?'

'In here,' she heard Norman call out. She went inside the warehouse and saw Normal sat with Jeff.

'What happened?'

'Jeff came in here, I told him not to but he did it anyway. I followed Jeff in but he was trying to stop someone running out of here, the kid hit Jeff and he hit his head on that piece of wood over there. He won't talk to me Dixie, he just sits there and says nothing.'

'Let me try.' Dixie knelt by Jeff's side. 'Jeff, it's me, Dixie, come on love, talk to me.'

'Dixie.' She barely heard Jeff speak as his voice was that quiet.'

'Yes love.'

'Do you hate me?' Dixie looked at Jeff in shock.

'Norman, could you give us a minute?'

'Yes, I'll be outside.' Dixie waited for Norman to leave.

'Why would I hate you?'

'Last night.'

'Right, no I don't hate you. We can talk about it later but right now I want to take a look at you. Where did you hit your head?' Jeff pointed to where his head was sore and Dixie gently touched it, Jeff winced and she moved her hand away. 'Sorry love, you've got a hell of a bump there. Norman said the kid hit you, where did he hit you?'

'Stomach.'

'Let me have a look.' Jeff seemed reluctant. 'Come on love, I've seen more of your body than your belly.' Dixie checked Jeff's stomach after he had lifted his shirt up, she didn't think that there was anything seriously wrong with him but she wanted to get him checked out properly. She radioed for another crew to come and take Jeff to hospital. 'Okay, you're going for a little trip to hospital.'

'No.'

'Yes, you've got a nasty bump on your head and I say you're going.'

'Okay, but you're not strapping me to a board, I'll go like this.' Dixie wasn't happy about Jeff not having proper spinal care but he had refused and there was nothing she could do about that. She was very relieved that he was going to hospital, she couldn't live with herself if anything happened to him.

Jeff was only going to hospital to keep Dixie happy, he was happy that she had come for him and she didn't hate him or what had happened last night. He was going to br honest with her and tell her everything. He let Dixie help him into the ambulance and sit with him as they fussed about. The only thing that he really needed was a painkiller for his head but if it put Dixie's mind at rest then he would go and get checked out just to make sure. Jeff looked at Dixie, she was keeping both eyes on him at all times, he didn't mind as long as she stayed with him, it had been torture not seeing her all day.

Dixie was feeling very guilty, Jeff had got injured because she had been acting like a coward, if she had behaved like an adult and faced Jeff earlier on in the day then none of this would have happened because she would have stopped Jeff from going into that building. If she had faced up to her own actions then they wouldn't be in this position, they wouldn't be in the back of an ambulance going to the hospital to get him checked out. Dixie resolved to talk to Jeff once she was certain that there wasn't any lasting damage to his head, she was going to talk to him and she would be honest about her feelings, no matter how hard that was going to be.


	5. Chapter Five

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your comments, we like reading them :)**  


* * *

**Chapter Five.**

'Jeffrey Collier 38, hit in the stomach twice, no real tenderness to the area, he does have quite a nasty bump on the back of his head. He has refused spinal care, no loss of consciousness; all obs seem to be normal. Having said that I am rather worried about him, as he hasn't really said anything since it happened.' Norman reported as he wheeled Jeff through the ED with Dixie in tow behind him.

'Thank you Norman, can you put him in cubicle six, I will be there in a minute.' Dylan instructed before walking off in the opposite direction to the paramedics causing all three of them to sigh.

Norman wheeled Jeff into the empty cubicle, 'If you could pop yourself up onto the bed Jeff.' Jeff got out of the wheelchair and sat on the end waiting for Norman to leave so he could talk to Dixie. She had been silent the whole journey in, but, her eyes never left him. Jeff couldn't bring himself to look at her; he was too ashamed of his behaviour to look her in the eye. He was happy just to have her near him; he had really missed her today.  
Once Norman had gone, Jeff started to speak. 'Dix, I…'  
'Not here Jeff, not here.'  
'But, I need to…'  
'Jeff, not here. We will talk about this, but, not in the middle of the ED where everyone can hear us. Let's get you seen to first, and then we can talk okay?' Dixie replied moving herself closer to Jeff. She had missed him today; even though she had spent the whole time trying to avoid him, there was something about being in his company, in his presence that she liked. He made her feel safe and loved.

Dylan marched into the cubicle putting on a pair of latex gloves so he could examine Jeff more closely. 'So, you were hit in the stomach knocking you back causing you to hit your head yes?'

'Yeah.'  
'Lie down for me and lift your shirt please.' Jeff did as Dylan instructed wincing slightly as he made contact with his stomach and ribs. Dylan felt around the tenderness before moving his hands away letting out a grunt before sighing. 'Doesn't seem to be anything broken, you may just have some sore ribs, but, that's about it. Now, let's take a look at the head. Could you lean forward please?' Again, Jeff did as he was told. As he moved forward he held his hand out for Dixie to take, he needed to feel her soothing touch, he wanted to be close to her. Dixie stepped forward and placed her hand in his before their fingers intertwined locking them into place. 'Has he been sick at all?'  
'No.'  
'Right, well, I am going to book a scan.'  
'Why?' Jeff asked abruptly. 'I just need some pain killers and I will be fine. Don't waste NHS resources on a scan for me, I don't need one.' Jeff was desperate to get out of the ED and talk to Dixie; he didn't want to be in there any more.

'Me Doctor, You Patient. I am going to send you for a scan and that is final.' Dylan responded before leaving the couple alone.  
'I don't need a scan Dix, tell him please.' Jeff turned to Dixie begging her to do something, he just wanted to leave, to leave with her, not be stuck inside waiting for a pointless scan which would only tell him what he already knew. 'Jeffrey, you have had a bump to the head, I need to know that you are all right.'  
'But…'  
'No buts Mr Collier, you are having the scan, and that is final. When we get the all clear, we can get out of here and talk, okay?' Jeff nodded, Dixie was right, she always was.

Dixie could see Jeff look down to the floor once more, that was the first time since they had seen each other that he had made eye contact with her, now he had broken it again. It made Dixie think, does he hate me? Did I not satisfy him? She needed to clear her head and work out what she was going to do once and for all, letting out a sigh, she looked up at Jeff again. 'Right, I am going to take the RRV back to base while you wait for your scan, I will be back in a few.'  
Jeff looked positively petrified that Dixie was leaving him again, he wanted her to stay, and he desperately wanted her to stay with him. He looked into her eyes silently pleading with her. Dixie saw the hurt in his face, it took a lot of will power not to crumble there and then, to hold him in her arms and tell him she didn't hate him, but, she couldn't, not yet, not there, not now. 'I will be back before you know it love. See you in a bit.' Dixie broke the contact she had with Jeff's hand before walking away. She needed a few more minutes by herself to figure out what she was going to say to Jeff, this had provided her with the ideal opportunity.

Jeff watched Dixie leave feeling his heart drop once more, did she hate him? Even though she had said she didn't, Jeff wasn't too convinced. If anything, he hated himself, hated himself for not exercising some self-control and stopping them from making love. He hated himself for taking her the way he did, he just hoped Dixie would forgive him.

Dixie didn't need to do anything with the RRV, she left it parked up outside the ED. She knew where she would take Jeff when he was discharged, they needed time to talk without any interruptions and she knew just the place. What she didn't really know was what she was going to say to him. She felt guilty, guilty for taking advantage of Jeff like she did. On the other hand, she did enjoy what they did, but, could she do it again with him? Dixie was confused, sitting out in the Peace Garden wasn't going to give her the answers, and the only person who could do that was Jeff.

She made her way back into the ED and over to Jeff's cubicle, he wasn't there, he was probably having his scan. She sat herself on the end of the bed picking up his coat and holding it close to her. She could feel his scent filling her nostrils making her feel close to him even though he wasn't there. Dixie didn't need to wait too long before Jeff was wheeled back by Big Mac, his face lit up when he saw that Dixie had come back for him. 'Scan is all clear Mr Collier; you might want to take a few painkillers, no more driving today.' Dylan said without even making eye contact with him or Dixie. He handed Jeff a leaflet on head injuries before he walked out.

'Come on handsome.' Dixie said as she took Jeff by the arm leading him out of the ED and into the RRV.

'Where are we going Dix?' Jeff asked wincing as the seatbelt touched his stomach.  
'Somewhere where we can talk.' Jeff didn't respond but sat silently as Dixie drive them to the Park just outside the city centre before leading him through the park and into a wooded clearing. He hadn't been to this part of the park before, but, he made a mental note to remember it, it could have possibilities for them if they were going to remain together. It would be perfect for a picnic he thought.  
'How do you know about this place?' Jeff asked as he watched Dixie sit down on the bench.  
'I come here sometimes when it all gets too much for me; it helps me to clear my head.'  
'Is that what you need to do now then?' Jeff asked as he perched on the end of the bench looking out over the park.

'I don't know.' Dixie began letting out a sigh.  
'Dix, about last night, I shouldn't have let it get that far Dix, I am so sorry, please forgive me.'  
Jeff looked over at Dixie who was staring out at the City, he wanted her to reply, the silence was unnerving. 'It wasn't your fault Jeff.' Dixie said quietly.  
'Dixie, please don't hate me.'  
'I don't hate you Jeff, I have told you that already.'  
'So why have you been avoiding me all day?'  
Dixie sighed again, 'It was easier I guess, I needed time to think about what happened. About what we did, I couldn't do that if I was with you.'  
Jeff continued to look on at Dixie as she continued to speak, it had hurt him not being with her all day, but he knew she needed to say what she was thinking, if they were going to move on from this, they needed to be honest with each other.  
'I don't want you to feel like I used you for sex so I could get pregnant, you mean more to me than that Jeff, you really do.'  
Jeff could feel his eyes welling up as he heard those words, he knew she didn't hate him and the extra reassurance meant the world to him. Dixie had gone silent again, she was still thinking. He decided to take charge and be honest with her, at least if he did that she might feel more comfortable to do the same.

Jeff moved off the bench so he was kneeling down on the floor, he moved himself so that he was directly in front of Dixie. Jeff shuffled himself closer towards her using his hands to gently part her legs so he could be as close to her as he possibly could. He slowly lifted her head so she was looking into his eyes before he started talking. 'Princess you mean everything and more to me, you really do. I do not feel like you used me just to get pregnant, I would do anything for you, you could have asked me to make you a mum and I would have done it. I do not regret making love to you last night, the only thing I regret is not treating you properly while we did it.'  
Dixie looked full on into Jeff's eyes, 'What do you mean?'  
'I mean, I shouldn't have made love to you like that, you deserve so much more than being taken up against a bedroom wall. I just hope and pray that you don't leave me, that maybe one day you will give me the chance to make love to you again, so I can show you how much you mean to me.'  
'You would do it again?'  
'In a heartbeat if you wanted me to.'  
Dixie smiled, 'What are we going to do?'  
'Babe, it is entirely up to you. What do you want to do? Talk to me Dixie please.'  
Dixie tried to look down to her feet, but, with Jeff right there, it was proving really hard, instead she turned her head slightly to the side looking out past him to the city. 'You made me feel so different last night, I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy what we did, but, it was strange you know. I am a lesbian, I am not meant to jump into bed with a man, but I did with you last night and it was the best night of my life. Jeff I love you and I don't want us to split up because of last night.'  
Jeff was silent as Dixie spoke, he knew what he needed to do and now seemed the perfect time. Dixie looked on as he placed his hand into his trouser pocket and pulled out a small box.  
'What's in there?'

'I picked it up this morning before I left the house. I went into your room and took it.' Dixie looked on as Jeff opened it up revealing her wedding and engagement rings. 'Mrs Collier, I loved spending the night with you last night, I know it was unexpected and was awkward this morning, I also know that it is probably really messing with your head, but I want you to know that I love you, you mean everything to me and I would never do anything to hurt you. Mrs Kathleen Collier, will you do me the honour of being my wife, for real?' Dixie was gob-smacked; she was totally lost for words looking down at Jeff who was still holding her rings.

'Do you really think us being in a relationship will work?' Jeff nodded.  
'Jeff I do not know the first thing about being in a relationship with a man, I may not like it.'  
'Let me teach and guide you.'  
'Jeff, what if it goes wrong for us, what if it ends what we have? I don't want that to happen.'  
'It won't, trust me Dix I won't let anything happen to us. What do you say?' Dixie felt a wide smile forming across her face as she nodded; Jeff slowly slipped both rings onto her finger before wrapping his arms around her. As he leant in for a well needed hug, their lips touched once more as they shared a soft but tender kiss, they pulled out after a few moments resting their foreheads on each other. 'Let's go home then Mrs Collier.' Dixie nodded as Jeff got up off the floor holding his hand out for her to take as they walked back to the RRV hand in hand.


	6. Chapter Six

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, we really appreciate them and hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter Six.**

Dixie drove herself and Jeff home after they had got changed, every so often she would catch a glimpse of the rings now sat on her left hand. It was strange to think that this time twenty-four hours ago she had been sat in the pub with Jeff and everything had been normal. Now, everything had changed. 'What am I now?' She thought to herself. She decided not to analyse herself too much. She loved Jeff and maybe that was all that mattered, maybe that was all she needed to know about this whole situation.

There was a part of her that was afraid, what if by entering into a relationship with Jeff she spoiled everything that they had together? What if she decided that it wasn't working and then he hated her forever after that? What if something happened and they ended up divorcing? She didn't want to lose Jeff, he meant a lot to her and the thought of losing him filled her with fear. Dixie sighed, she was feeling quite jittery and tense, maybe she was just being silly and everything would be fine.

Jeff got out of the car when Dixie pulled up at the house, he opened the door and was greeted by Little Abs. 'All right mate, let's go for a walk.' He took the lead down from the hook and clipped onto Little Abs' collar. 'Hey Dix, do you fancy taking the dog for a walk with me?'

'Okay, why not.' Jeff knew that Dixie was thinking, whenever she thought about something that was troubling her she would always go very quiet.

'Come on Mrs Collier.' Jeff held his arm out to Dixie and she slipped hers through it. He locked the front door and they slowly walked down the street towards the open field at the end.

Dixie held onto Jeff's arm as they walked down the street, it was quite nice to feel as if she belonged to someone. She liked the feeling of being near Jeff, he was warm, she moved closer to him so she could feel his warmth better. She let go of Jeff to let Little Abs off the lead and then she took his arm again. Dixie smiled a Little Abs ran off the minute he was free, running up and down the field. 'Dix, you seem preoccupied, are you all right?'

'Yeah, I'm fine, honest.'

'Dixie, you only say honest when something is bothering you.'

'Really, I'm all right.'

'Talk to me.'

'This is just all new to me, that's all.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, don't worry.'

'I'm not worrying, you are.'

'Maybe a little bit.'

'What about?' Dixie stayed silent, she wasn't sure what to tell him. 'Dixie, be honest with me.'

'I don't know where to start, you're the first man I've ever had a relationship with. I'm afraid that something will go wrong and we'll end up hating each other.'

'I could never hate you Dixie, you're my best friend. Come here.' Dixie let herself be drawn into Jeff's arms, she was reminded once again how warm he was, she breathed in his familiar scent and let it calm her.

Jeff held Dixie in his arms, he couldn't imagine himself hating her, she was easily the best thing in his life apart from the kids and the idea of hating Dixie felt so unnatural to him. He was quite happy holding her like this, she was a bit smaller than him, just the right height to hold her close and let his head sit softly on top of hers. Jeff closed his eyes, something about this moment felt so right, he didn't want it to end. He felt Dixie relax, some of the tension she was holding inside her was being released and he was glad about that, he hated that she was feeling all stressed. 'Dixie, come on princess, it is getting dark.'

'So it is.' Dixie called Little Abs over and Jeff put the lead back on.

'I think it is time for something to eat.'

'You always think it is time for something to eat Jeff.'

'I do not, it is tea time, that is why I am thinking about food.'

'What do you think about all the other times then?'

'I'm not sure I can tell you that.'

'Dirty boy.'

'I am a man Dixie, it is only natural to think about it.'

'Right, I hope you cleared the history on your computer.' Jeff looked quite stunned and then he laughed, Dixie really had surprised him with that comment. He took her arm again and they walked home together, it was nice to have Dixie this close to him.

Dixie took off her coat as she went into the house, the comment about Jeff's computer had just slipped out, she hadn't meant to say it. She was glad that he had laughed and hadn't been offended by it. She went into the kitchen and started looking for something to eat, she wasn't really sure what she wanted. 'Jeff come in here a minute love.'

'What is it Dix?'

'What do you want to eat?'

'Let me have a look.' Dixie stood back and let Jeff look in the freezer. 'There's that spicy chicken that we bought last week.'

'Good idea, we'll put the potato wedges in with it too.' Dixie pulled the food out of the freezer, she lit the oven and let it heat before putting the food in and turning the timer on. She put the plates and the cutlery they would need on the side and went into the lounge and sat next to Jeff.

Jeff moved over so Dixie could curl her legs up on the sofa as she liked to do. 'What are you watching?'

'Nothing, just flicking.'

'You don't flick Jeff, what's wrong?'

'Dixie, do you think that you might be pregnant?'

'I don't know, maybe.'

'You're not on the pill and we didn't use any protection.'

'I know, if I am we will deal with it when we find out.'

'A lot of things would change if you are.'

'Yeah, maybe not, it was only once.'

'Once is all it takes.'

'I know.'

'We have to think about what we're going to do now.'

'What do you mean?'

'We made love Dixie, that isn't going to go away. I quite enjoyed it.'

'I know that it won't, I enjoyed it too.'

'Do you want to try again?'

'I would like to.'

'There's a but, isn't there?'

'Being with you while I'm sober is different to being with you while I'm half drunk..'

'I see what you mean, it doesn't have to be tonight, we can wait for a while until we try again.'

'Thanks Jeff, I think we should be properly prepared before we do anything again. I think we should use protection for a little while until we are sure that this is going to work.'

'I understand.'

'Jeff, having a child shouldn't happen because we got carried away. I'm saying that I hope I'm not pregnant because I want any baby that I have with you to be conceived in better circumstances. I want it to happen because we love each other.'

'I do too.' Jeff hugged Dixie, he was quite hopeful that she loved him, even if it was only a little bit right now.

Dixie went into the kitchen and put the food onto the plates, it smelled wonderful, she sneakily picked up a piece of chicken and popped it into her mouth. 'I saw that.' Dixie saw Jeff stood in the doorway.

'It was only a little bit, besides it was left over.'

'Yeah right, you always get the extra piece.'

'I cooked it, therefore I deserve it.'

'You didn't cook it, the oven did.' Dixie laughed and passed one of the plates to Jeff.

'I am sure the oven is very clever for it to cook things by itself. If you had to live on your own you would starve.'

'It is just as well I have you to cook for me and wash my clothes.'

'Don't push your luck Jeff, I'll make you work with Norman for a month.'

'You wouldn't dare, you'd miss me too much.'

'As if, it would be nice and peaceful for once.'

'Are you saying I'm too loud?'

'Yes.'

'You can talk, everyone can hear you coming before you even get near the station.'

'They can't.'

'Can too.' Dixie laughed again, she really liked their friendly arguing, it made her smile. Dixie reached down and gave Little Abs her last bit of chicken and then scratched his head. 'Seeing as I cooked you can put everything in the dishwasher.'

'That's unfair.'

'How is it?'

'I'm injured.'

'Dylan said you're fine, besides your head is hard as a rock.'

'It is not.' Dixie chuckled at the indignant look on Jeff's face and then smiled as he put the plates in the dishwasher. Jeff went to walk away and she looked pointedly at Jeff and then at the dishwasher. 'What?'

'Turn it on. It is just as well I am here or we'd never have any clean plates.' Jeff switched the dishwasher on and Dixie quietly chuckled, Jeff really could be very forgetful at times.

Jeff let Dixie curl up next to him on the sofa, she seemed to want to cuddle so he put his arm around her and just held her. He gently tilted her head up and kissed her, just a little push, he didn't want to demand too much of her. Once he was certain that Dixie was comfortable with him kissing her, he licked at her lips to try and get her to open them. Jeff was about to give up when Dixie's mouth opened a little bit. He slowly coaxed her lips apart fully and caressed Dixie's tongue with his own. He heard Dixie sigh into his mouth and he pulled back, pressing smaller kisses to her lips. Jeff kissed Dixie one last time an just looked at her, she still had her eyes closed and her lips were parted. Her skin was flushed and she looked as if she had enjoyed their kiss. 'Dixie,' he said quietly and she opened her eyes. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

'I had no idea that kissing a man could feel like that.' Dixie spoke so quietly that Jeff just about heard what she said.

'Come here princess.' Jeff opened his arms and Dixie cuddled into him, he felt her free arm make its way across his body and rest at his waist. Jeff held Dixie close and stroked her hair, he loved how long it was getting.

Dixie had many thoughts running through her mind, she was confused, Jeff kissing her had made her heart flutter, she had readily submitted to him. Her heart had told her that she was enjoying it and her head was rapidly beginning to agree with it. It was nice to just cuddle up with Jeff like this, she yawned, the heat from Jeff's body was beginning to make her feel sleepy. 'Dixie, it is time that you went to bed, you're tired.'

'I suppose I am.'

'Do you want to share with me?' Dixie looked at Jeff, she wondered what he meant. Did he mean share as in a sleep or share as in make love again? 'No pressure, I just want to be with you.' Dixie smiled, it would be nice to be held for once.

'Okay, I'm going to go to my room, just knock when you're ready to come in.'

'No problem princess.' Dixie got up and went upstairs, she quickly got undressed and into her pyjamas, she cleaned her teeth and washed her face in the bathroom and then went into her own room. Dixie brushed her hair out and then got into bed, she lay on her side of the bed and waited for Jeff to knock on her door.

Jeff went into his own room and got changed, normally he would wear only his boxers to bed but seeing as he was going to be sharing with Dixie he put a t-shirt on too. He went to Dixie's room and knocked on the door. 'Come in.' Jeff pushed open the door and found Dixie lying on her side in her bed. 'Turn out the light please Jeff.' He did as she asked and then got into the bed, he spent a few minutes looking at her in the dark and then he cuddled up to her. He lightly traced the edge of her arm and then interlocked his fingers with Dixie's. 'Goodnight Dixie.' He waited for a few moments for her to answer but the deep breathing gave it away, she was already asleep. Jeff kissed Dixie's forehead and moved so that he was lying curled around her, she was lovely and warm. Jeff closed his eyes and smiled, it was nice to have someone to cuddle up to again.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, we really appreciate them and hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Welcome to all new readers and followers :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Seven.**

Jeff woke up slowly the next morning, his stomach and head hurt a little as he began to move, but, he knew they would both settle down after a few painkillers. In a way he was glad they had the day off, the last thing he wanted was to be rushing around on shouts not feeling 100%, that is when mistakes were made. The last thing he wanted to be doing right now was making mistakes, mistakes led to lives being compromised and a telling off from Dixie. He wanted to keep her sweet at the moment as they started their relationship; no obstacles were going to get in their way. He wouldn't let them.

He reshuffled himself in the bed and leant over to his right side expecting to feel Dixie there, but, all he felt was an empty space. He let his hand run up and down the bed where Dixie would have slept. The sheets were still warm and he felt like he could still feel her. Jeff wondered where Dixie could have gone, but, he knew she wouldn't have gone far, this was her bedroom; so, she was bound to come back sooner rather than later.

Jeff used this time to think over the events of the last two days, they truly had been eventful for him. One minute, him and Dixie were just as they always were, the next, he was making love to her and now they had spent the night in the same bed just being close. A warm squishy feeling ran through his body as he thought over the kiss they shared last night on the sofa, he hadn't expected Dixie to allow his tongue into her mouth so willingly, but she did. He found comfort in the fact that she didn't reject him or push him away. Jeff was beginning to realise that Dixie was enjoying the time they were spending together and the closeness they were sharing. The fact that she had said she would like to make love again was something he thought he would never hear her say.

Jeff had it all planned out in his head how he was going to make the next time they made love special. He had had many a year thinking about what it would be like to make love to Dixie. He had played it out over and over again in his head at night and now he had that opportunity. He had spent yesterday thinking about what they had done. He was still ashamed of the fact that he had taken her up against a wall and was determined to make the next time magical. Jeff thought over how he was going to do it feeling himself becoming aroused at the very thought of seeing and making love to Dixie again. He knew she wasn't ready to do it yet and he was fine with that. It gave him a little longer to think about if they would use her bed or his along with the fact that he needed to buy protection.

Jeff had always hated using condoms, he felt he never really enjoyed sex while he was wearing one, but, if it made Dixie happier, he would do it. Maybe, he could persuade her to go on the pill then he wouldn't have to worry. Jeff concluded that that would be a conversation for a few months' time, not right away. He was dragged from his thoughts as he heard Dixie's footsteps coming up the stairs, he needed to shake the thought of making love to her quickly, and he didn't want to scare her with the erection that was slowly starting to form. He rearranged the duvet and lay on his side as Dixie entered the room holding two mugs of tea. 'Morning Jeff'  
'Good morning Princess, how did you sleep?' Dixie handed him his mug and took hers around to the other side of the bed taking a sip as she sat down.  
'I slept really well thanks, you?'  
'Like a baby.'  
'I wouldn't go that far Jeffrey.' Dixie scoffed as she took another sip of tea placing the mug down on the bedside cabinet lying back on the bed next to Jeff.

Jeff watched on as Dixie lay on her back on her side of the bed, she looked like she had slept well and he also felt she looked a little contented. Jeff took a few swallows from his own mug before placing it on the floor beside the bed. He lay back down moving closer to Dixie. 'You all right Dix?'  
'Yeah, was just thinking that's all.'  
'Oh, that isn't good, do you remember what happened last time you started to think?'  
Dixie turned her head to face Jeff, 'That won't be happening this morning Mr Collier so get that idea out of your mucky little head straight away.' Jeff pouted at Dixie before resting his head back onto the pillow.  
'So what is the plan for today then Princess?' Jeff heard Dixie sigh before she answered.  
'Well, we have housework to get done, that pile of washing isn't just going to disappear, also, we need to go to Tesco and get some bits in, after that, I haven't really thought of anything.'  
'Fair enough.' Jeff replied while still looking at his wife. He felt like a schoolboy all over again, he had someone who he loved deeply lying next to him and he simply just couldn't believe that she had consented to being his wife for real and they were now in a relationship. The warm squishy feeling started to rear its head again and Jeff let out a small giggle. 'What was that?' Dixie asked a little shocked at Jeff's behaviour. 'Nothing.'  
'Jeffrey, what are you thinking of?'  
'I am just thinking how lucky I am to have you. How lucky I am that you are my wife and that we are together. You make me feel complete Mrs Collier.' Jeff blushed slightly at his own words, even he had to admit that they sounded slightly naff but Dixie seemed to like them.

He watched a small smile creep across her face as his words sunk in, Jeff couldn't help himself, he needed to feel her lips once more, and he wanted to kiss her again. Slowly he leant in pressing his lips against hers just giving her a small soft kiss before he pulled away, Dixie looked up into his eyes and tilted her head slightly on the pillow.  
'Now Mr Collier, I know you can do better than that.'

'Are you sure Dixie?' Jeff was unsure what she wanted him to do; he had a feeling she wanted a repeat performance of last night's kiss, but wanted her to give the command so he knew that was what she really wanted. He didn't need to wait long for Dixie to reply.  
'Jeff, kiss me again how you did last night.'  
'With pleasure princess.' Jeff leant in again capturing her lips in his own mouth encouraging and coaxing her to part her lips once more so he could slide his tongue in. Dixie willingly opened her mouth allowing Jeff's tongue in once more, she relished the feeling of him moving around in her own mouth. She thought about sliding her own tongue into his mouth but didn't feel confident enough to do that yet. She felt Jeff's hand wander up her body and settle on her waist as he continued to kiss her. Dixie still couldn't believe she was kissing a man, not just any man, but her best friend. She still couldn't believe how great it felt to her. She felt herself becoming incredibly turned on as Jeff continued to dance his tongue around in her mouth, she didn't want the kiss to end. Jeff pulled away and looked again at Dixie who once more looked flushed with closed eyes. He knew she had enjoyed it and so had he. 'Dix?'  
'Umm.'  
'I am just going to go and have a shower.'  
'Okay.' Dixie still had her eyes closed; Jeff felt warmly satisfied that he had had that much of an impact on her. Slowly, he got out of bed and moved quickly out of the room again hiding his arousal from Dixie making his way across the landing and into the bathroom.

They both enjoyed spending the day together even though they were doing mundane things. Jeff was making an extra special effort to help Dixie with the housework, usually he would just leave her to it and occasionally do the hovering, but, today he wanted to be more helpful. He thought that if he helped, they would get it done quicker and therefore would have more time to spend with each other. Jeff liked spending his days with Dixie; he wouldn't have it any other way. He was well aware that she knew this even though she never said it. Jeff often thought about how different their lives would have been if they had never met, but, he was glad that was never going to become a reality. They were going to always be together, no matter what.

The morning seemed to go relatively quickly, they had put some washing out on the line to dry while they went shopping and had cleaned the house. Dixie had tried several times to get Jeff to sit down as his stomach was still hurting, but he had refused saying he was all right. They were now walking around the aisles of Tesco buying their groceries for the week. Jeff always looked positively horrified at what Dixie bought each week, he swore they didn't eat all of those things in the trolley. 'No bloody way Dix, put that back.' Jeff said as he watched Dixie pick up the latest Weightwatchers magazine and flick through to the seven day menu planner.  
'Jeff I was only looking.'  
'Put it back, you do not need to buy it.'  
'I was only getting ideas for dinners and that.' Jeff scowled at his wife who sheepishly returned the magazine to the stand before walking off in the direction of the fruit and veg. He knew she was self-conscious about her size, but to him she was perfect. He made a mental note to tell her that at least once every day. He would hate for her to diet and lose weight, he loved her the way she was, to him, she was perfect.  
Jeff continued to watch as Dixie placed a variety of fruit and vegetables into the trolley; he thought now would be the ideal time to get his purchase. 'Dix, can you take the trolley, I will be back in a minute?'  
'Where are you going?'  
'I need to get something that's all.'  
Before Dixie could reply, Jeff had hurried off towards the Baby Planning section. When he got there he was a little overwhelmed at the selection staring him in the eyes. It had been so long since he had needed them that he had no idea which ones to get. He felt really nervous and embarrassed like everyone was looking at him knowing what he was up to. He felt like his personal life was suddenly everyone's business. He hated it. He had to work out which ones to buy, get them to the checkout, and to the car quickly before Dixie came looking for him.

Jeff studied all the boxes in front of him, he didn't want to rush this purchase, he needed to get it right, it mattered greatly which ones he bought as he wanted Dixie to feel comfortable with having him inside her once more, the last thing he wanted was to hurt or irritate her with the wrong sort of condom. 'That one in the purple box looks and sounds interesting.' Jeff paled and spun around at these words. He knew that voice. 'Stop being such a school boy about it and pick them up, put them in the trolley and let's get the milk.' Jeff stood there totally gobsmacked as Dixie spoke. She had crept up behind him and had obviously studied the packets as much as he had. Jeff went to speak but no words came out, he was hoping to have done it by now, but, Dixie had caught him completely off guard. 'Oh for God's sake Jeff move out of the way.' Dixie pushed him to one side leaning over the trolley, picking up the box and throwing it in. 'Come on handsome.' Jeff felt her tug at his arm as she moved him and the trolley in the direction of the milk aisle.

The rest of their trip around Tesco was uneventful until they got to the checkout. Jeff stood there mortified as he watched their groceries being scanned one at a time before making their way down the conveyor were Dixie was waiting to pack them into bags. The packet of condoms were getting closer to the front, he just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He didn't even register the checkout operative making some comment about the purchase, but, he did hear Dixie's response. He was also sure the rest of Tesco did as well. 'Oh get over yourself sweetheart at least he is getting some action which is more than I can say for you now hand them over and do your job.' Jeff went bright red at what he was hearing still refusing to make eye contact with anyone, he quickly paid for the shopping and rushed out of the store at such a pace that Dixie had to run to keep up with him.

Once Dixie had put all the shopping away and the infamous packet of condoms on the stairs to take up later, she went in to the lounge with a cup of tea to find Jeff. He hadn't spoken since she found him staring at the condoms in Tesco, she knew he was embarrassed about buying them and she knew that her actions had totally shocked him. She had never seen him this quiet. 'Oh come on love, it wasn't that bad.' She said as she handed him his mug.  
'Dix, you practically told the whole of Tesco that we are having sex.'  
'Why else do people buy condoms if not to use them?'  
'You didn't need to say it so loudly though did you?'  
'Jeff, I don't understand why you are getting like this.'  
'It's embarrassing.'  
'Sweetheart, you are a paramedic; we deal with embarrassing things all the time.'  
'Yeah, but not embarrassing things that involve our personal life though Dix. There could have been patients we have treated in there listening to that.'  
'So what if there were, Jeff, are you ashamed of what we did?'  
'No, you know I am not.'  
'So what is the problem then in buying condoms for when we do it again?' Jeff shrugged, he knew Dixie was right and he was just being over sensitive to the situation. Dixie couldn't understand Jeff's feelings about the whole thing, but, she could see his pride had been dented, she only knew one way she could make it up to him. 'Come here love.' Jeff moved into her arms as she took his head in her hands tilting his face before instigating a long, tender but passionate kiss. She found the courage in herself to return the feeling of having her tongue caressing Jeff's in his mouth, she relished this feeling and let her heart take over.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 for your review, we really appreciate it and hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight.**

Dixie was sat next to Jeff on the sofa, she was thinking about the kiss they had shared earlier, the one that she had started, it had made her tingle. It was passionate, tender and beautiful. There was a part of her that wanted more, the other part was urging her to be careful, not to rush things. It had been a couple of days since they'd agreed to take it slowly, she'd enjoyed the kissing that they'd been doing. Jeff wasn't pushing her into anything that she didn't want to do, he was being quite courteous. His fingers were tracing patterns over her shoulder, she was feeling quite relaxed and happy. Her fingers fiddled with the chain that sat around Jeff's neck, some of it showed in the open neck of his shirt. She snuggled closer and breathed deeply, Jeff always smelled nice, it reminded her of safety and comfort.

She remembered the times that they'd hugged, sometimes after a bad day they would cuddle up and just take comfort from having someone near. She'd held Jeff in her arms a few times, he showed his emotions to so few people and she felt privileged to be one of the few people that he showed his feelings to. He'd held her too, whenever she'd been struggling he'd always been there for her. Now they were cuddling up for a different reason, was this love? Is this what it felt like? She closed her eyes, Jeff's hand was now resting on her arm and the other one was holding her close to him. It felt nice to be in his arms like this.

Jeff listened to Dixie's breathing, he was watching her, she made little movements every so often, her fingers playing with his chain. She looked so relaxed, peaceful even, her hand moved down from his chain and rested against his chest. He put his hand over hers and kissed her head. They didn't need words, he just knew that she was happy with being with him like this. Jeff moved so that his head was lying on top of Dixie's, he heard her sigh quietly, he didn't want to break the moment, it had been so long since he'd had a hug that had lasted as long as this one.

Many thoughts were running through Jeff's head, mostly about their shopping trip. He was trying to put the embarrassing bit out of his mind, he'd forgiven Dixie for it, perhaps he had been too over sensitive. The other one that kept coming back to him was Dixie looking at the magazine, she didn't need to lose weight. She is beautiful just as she is, mainly her smile, her nose always wrinkled when she smiled, he thought it was cute. He'd told her that once and she had actually looked in the mirror to see if he was telling the truth or not. Then there were her eyes, she had the lightest blue eyes that he'd seen on anyone. Blue eyes that showed every feeling, even the ones she tried to hide.

Dixie felt her head being tilted upwards and then the soft touch of Jeff's lips on hers. She let him set the pace and opened her mouth beneath his when his tongue licked at her lips. She was getting used to Jeff kissing her, she quite liked it, she noted that her heart would always beat that little bit faster when she felt the first touch of his lips on hers. Now, she was feeling something different, Jeff's hand was slowly moving up her body as the kiss became deeper.

Jeff moved backwards so he was lying with Dixie on top of him, he used his now free hands to caress her arms and back, he really was enjoying kissing her like this, he loved that she obviously trusted him enough to let him touch her. Jeff moved one hand up to the back of Dixie's head and tangled his fingers in her hair, his other hand drifted down and settled on her bum, he gently squeezed it and heard Dixie give a little squeak of surprise. Jeff resisted the urge to laugh, he smiled against Dixie's lips and moved his hand back up her body. He brushed his hand against the curve of Dixie's breast and she sighed quietly.

Dixie put her head on Jeff's chest, she'd definitely felt something during that kiss; desire, wanting and need. It wasn't just her, she knew that Jeff wanted her, it was quite a powerful feeling knowing that she turned him on and made him want her. She'd felt it in the way he'd kissed her and moved his hands over her body. She carefully moved off Jeff and stood up, Jeff looked at her and she smiled. He sat up and she had an idea, she playfully straddled Jeff's legs and kissed him. It surprised her when she felt his lips drifting towards her neck, she gasped quietly when his lips touched her neck and throat. Dixie felt herself almost drowning in the sensation of Jeff kissing her neck, it was as if he knew where to kiss her to make her turn to jelly.

Jeff wrapped his arm around Dixie's waist and pulled her close to his body, he wanted more from her, wanted all of her, but he knew that he would have to be cautious as well. The last time they had got carried away ended up in half-dressed sex against his bedroom wall and he didn't want that to happen again. Dixie seemed to be enjoying herself, it seemed her neck was very sensitive to being touched, he would remember that for the future. Jeff moved his lips back up Dixie's neck, he was taking his time about it but eventually he reached her lips and captured them in his. Jeff pushed his tongue straight inside Dixie's mouth, he heard Dixie moan but it barely registered. She was kissing him back, her tongue duelling with his for dominance. She moaned again and this time it went straight through him. It was obvious to him that she was in control and it really did turn him on. He could feel her hands running up and down his sides. There was a little voice inside his head that said they should stop now before things got too heated.

Dixie heard Jeff moaning in his throat, having him at her mercy like this was a very big turn on for her, she loved it. He had handed her all control and she was making the most of it, she really was enjoying herself. She wanted to shut off the part of her brain that was telling her she should stop now, she knew that she had the budget meeting in the morning and that she should get some sleep. She wanted to be well rested for it and for that to happen she should end it now. Dixie slowly pulled away and just looked at Jeff. 'Princess, is something wrong?'

'Sort of, I really liked the kissing and I would like to continue but I have that budget meeting first thing in the morning, I should try and get some sleep.'

'Are you sure that's all it is?'

'Yes, what else would it be?'

'Maybe you weren't really ready for this and you're just trying not to hurt my feelings.'

'No, that's not what it is, I promise you. I just don't want to rush anything.'

'Okay, come on princess, let's go to bed then.'

'Thanks Jeff, for understanding.'

'I know how much you hate those meetings.'

'I do, they don't see the human side of the job that we do, all they see is money and profit. I could never put human life below money like they do.'

'Dixie, stop thinking about it, you'll do enough of that tomorrow.'

'I know.' Dixie slipped her hand into Jeff's and they went upstairs.

'Your place or mine, Mrs Collier?'

'Yours, I'll just be a minute, I have to get some of my clothes.'

'All right princess.' Dixie let go of Jeff's hand and went into her own room, she was still thinking about the meeting, she always dreaded it coming around again.

Jeff went into his own room, Dixie hated those budget meetings, she loved her job but this is the part that she hated the most. She always came back depressed, he always made a point of having her favourite chocolate bar on standby for when she returned from her meeting. They were always telling her that she was over budget for equipment or training, he failed to see how you could be over budget for something that was necessary for saving lives. Dixie had pondered over that question for a long time, they'd told her that she had to make cuts to save money, she'd been up until one in the morning trying to find a way around it. Eventually he managed to persuade her to go to bed and get some rest, she'd tried to resist but eventually tiredness got the better of her and she'd given in. He hoped they wouldn't go too hard on her tomorrow, he wished that he could go in with her and back her up but he knew what she would say to that.

Dixie got changed into her pyjamas and went to Jeff's room, she wondered if she should knock or if he would mind her just walking in. She opted for safety and knocked on the door. 'Come in princess.' She opened the door and found Jeff already in bed. 'You don't have to knock princess.'

'I didn't want to walk in on you if you were half naked.'

'It's nothing you haven't seen before Dixie.'

'Even so, I was trying to be polite.'

'Much appreciated princess, come on, get into bed.' Jeff pulled back the quilt and she got into his bed, it was warm from his body heat and she put her head on the other pillow.

'Have you set the alarm Jeff?'

'Yes, it is already done.'

'Good, I would hate to be late for that meeting, it is bad enough that I have to go and listen to them tell me that I'm over budget again. Being late would only make it worse.'

'Dixie, stop thinking about it. So you're over budget, we save lives every day and that is more important.'

'I know you're right.'

'Then stop thinking about them, they don't matter.' Jeff was right, they don't matter, she would spend as much money as she needed to so that the station could run properly.

Jeff noted that Dixie looked a little more relaxed, she had obviously taken his words on board for once. 'Dixie, you trust me right?'

'Yes, you know that I do.'

'Good.' Jeff carefully moved until he was lying on top of Dixie. 'I'm going to give you something to think about other than that meeting.' Jeff closed his eyes and kissed Dixie, his tongue slipped inside her mouth and he felt her arms lock around his waist and her foot sliding up and down his leg. He was amazed at how all this was happening, it had been an odd couple of days. Jeff put his hand up Dixie's pyjama top, he just wanted to feel her skin again. He stopped his hand under the swell of Dixie's breast and lightly brushed his finger against it. He was kissing her deeply now, he felt the response and urgency in Dixie's kiss and his lower body began to respond to the feelings the kiss was creating in him.

Dixie felt pleasure running through her as Jeff kissed her, his finger stroking the underside of her breast felt nice and she wished that he would move it upwards so she could feel more of the feelings that were coursing through her body. Dixie felt Jeff slowly stop the kiss and he moved onto his side of the bed. 'Have I distracted you enough Dixie?'

'I think so.'

'Good.' Dixie wanted more from Jeff but she didn't know how to ask him, they'd said they would take it slowly and she still thought that but there was something inside of her that wanted to forget all about taking it slowly and feel Jeff inside her once again.

Jeff looked at Dixie, her skin was flushed and she was smiling, it was a good look on her. Jeff wanted to forget the taking it slow part, if Dixie didn't have that meeting in the morning then he would have done. He turned on his side and put his arm over Dixie. 'Goodnight Dixie.' He wanted her to get some rest, she needed it.

'Goodnight Jeff.' Dixie spoke quietly, she was already in the process of falling asleep. He watched Dixie quietly until she had fallen asleep, only when he was certain that she was properly asleep did he close his eyes and go to sleep.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************Author's Note: Thank you to olivia. c. king1 for your review, we really appreciate it :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Nine.**

'JEFF WILL YOU GET A MOVE ON I AM GOING TO BE LATE!' Dixie shouted up the stairs for the third time in as many minutes. She really did hate these budget meetings and although Jeff had done a pretty good job of taking her mind off it last night, he was getting on her nerves already this morning. 'I said I will be there in a minute Dix, can't a man go to the loo in peace any more?' Dixie was halfway up the stairs at this point before she spoke again, 'Jeff, you have been in there ages, I told you I wanted to be up early and leave on time, now come on.' Dixie heard Jeff sigh, she knew she was being harsh on him, he didn't deserve it, but, she was getting herself in a bit of a two and eight over this meeting and Jeff's bodily functions were not helping her nerves. She sat down on the bottom step checking through her handbag and laptop case one last time making sure she had everything while she waited for Jeff.

Dixie was finding it a little hard to focus at the moment, all she could think of was what her and Jeff did last night, the kissing, it was amazing. She had no idea that kissing a man would be that satisfying, that rewarding, or, evoke those feelings from deep inside her. Every time she tried to focus on the meeting, her mind wondered back to their kissing, it made her all squishy inside. Dixie didn't want Jeff to stop last night, she wanted to go further with him and she was pretty damn sure he did as well. She dreamt about what could have happened if they had carried on - it made her feel good inside knowing that she had turned him on as much as she had done.

Dixie shook her head; the thoughts of a naked Jeff moving inside her would have to wait until after the meeting. She couldn't very well go in there all flushed at her thoughts, that wouldn't do her any good at all. She had just about managed to compose herself when she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist pulling her backwards. She then felt a soft pair of lips kissing her neck softly. Dixie closed her eyes as Jeff continued to place small kisses at the base of her neck in the crevice of the shoulder. She could feel herself letting out a sigh as he continued; she was starting to become turned on by this. 'Jeff, stop, we need to go.' Dixie whispered as she tried to maintain a sense of composure.  
Jeff smiled placing one last kiss on her cheek before she turned around to look at him,  
'How about a goodbye kiss?' he asked hopefully.  
'I think you have just had one.'  
'Oh come one Dix, just one.' Dixie smiled at him before she pressed her lips against his giving him a small kiss. She pulled away and they both smiled at each other before heading out to face the day and meeting.

Jeff knew that Dixie hated these meetings and knew she would be in need of some comfort when she got back. He had helped her with the figures this quarter, she had overspent on equipment and training courses, but, they were able to justify absolutely everything. The station had a reputation in the South West for being one of the best in terms of response times, treatment and patient care, surely the men in suits would recognise that? He really hoped they wouldn't give Dixie a rough time as they scrutinised her figures, but, he couldn't be so sure.  
He used the few minutes he had spare to place a chocolate bar on Dixie's desk for her return. He would like to give her it in person, but, if she arrived back while he was out on a shout, she would need it rather than wait for him. He positioned the chocolate on her computer keyboard before placing a post it note on top 'J xx' was all he wrote, he didn't need to say any more than that. He smiled at his gesture, placing a kiss on the post it note before he left her office.

Dixie arrived back at the Ambulance Station about four hours later, it had been an intense meeting, they had really grilled her on every single expenditure, telling her it wasn't good enough that she was over budget again and that there was a station in the South East who delivered the same as she did but on less money. The men in suits had decided that she should pay them a visit and learn how it is done. They had told Dixie to sort out her overspend or lose a paramedic. She didn't want that, they were stretched enough as it was, so, she had reluctantly agreed to pay her counterpart in Sussex a visit. They had given her until the close of play to get the draft costing for the next quarter to them; they demanded to see at least a 10% underspend on her budget. Dixie knew this was going to be a tough one, how was she going to do that?

She parked the car and headed in towards the locker room to get changed; Jeff was nowhere to be seen, so she assumed he was out on a shout. Once she was changed, Dixie made her way to her office to put her files and laptop away. Sitting at her desk, she went to put her head into her hands before she noticed the chocolate and Jeff's note; she smiled to herself at his thoughtfulness before she ate a square.  
In the meantime, Jeff had arrived back with Norman, his face lit up once more as he saw their car parked in its usual spot, so he knew Dixie was back. 'Back in a minute.' He yelled at Norman as he jumped out the ambulance practically running for Dixie's office. Norman looked on in surprise; Jeff never moved that quickly for anyone!

Jeff didn't knock or anything, he burst straight in to see Dixie, she was sat in her chair fiddling with sheets of paper staring at the computer screen. Jeff closed the door before he walked up to her. 'You have a headache don't you Dix?'  
'Umm.'  
'I said, you have a headache don't you?'  
'How do you know I have a headache?' Dixie asked puzzled at Jeff's ability to diagnose from 40 paces. 'You are wearing your glasses; you only wear them when you have a headache. Mind you, they make you look even more sexy than you already do Mrs Collier.'

Dixie let out a small smile as Jeff moved closer. 'That bad was it?'  
'You have no idea handsome.'  
'Come here Princess, let me make it better.'  
Dixie got up and moved herself into Jeff's embrace. She rested her head on his chest as he held her, he was right, she did have a headache. Dixie relaxed into the hug letting her thoughts wash over her. She felt her head being tilted once more as hers and Jeff's lips touched. He encouraged her to part her lips again as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, they stood there for what seemed to be an eternity lost in their kiss. Dixie could not believe how good this was now getting, she had forgotten they were at work along with the deadline she now had; her mind was on Jeff and returning his kiss. They pulled away quickly as Norman knocked on the door. 'Jeff, we have a shout, are you coming or not?' Jeff still had his arms around Dixie; Norman didn't know where to look as both Colliers were rather flushed. 'Yeah, just coming.' Jeff leant in again to kiss Dixie on the cheek before he left once more.

The remainder of the shift passed without too much incident. Dixie had just about managed to complete her draft budget plan for HQ as well as catch up on rotas and paperwork. It had been a quiet day; Jeff had come in and seen her at every opportunity he had, each time ended up with them kissing rather passionately. Dixie couldn't believe how at ease she was becoming with this, it excited her.

Jeff had taken her out for dinner as a reward for getting through the Budget meeting, nothing fancy, just to their local Beefeater. It was lovely going out as a couple, holding hands under the table and sharing their food with each other. It made her forget about all the budgets and troubles that being Operational Duty Manager brought.

They were now back at home, back on the sofa sharing another kiss. Jeff was resting slightly on top of Dixie as he kissed her, both tongues dancing around the others in their mouths. Jeff's hand was running up and down Dixie's arm as he kissed her whilst hers were running up and down his back. She wanted to touch him elsewhere, but was too scared to in case he didn't like it. She would have to find out what he liked as their relationship progressed. Dixie was getting lost in her thoughts again of Jeff being naked on top of her, making love to her, she so desperately wanted it to be a reality, she hadn't noticed the fact that Jeff had pulled away. 'Dix?'  
'Umm.'  
'I know we said we would take things slowly, and I completely understand if you said no, but…'  
'Jeff, I won't say no.'  
'Really?'  
'Jeff, I want you again, I want to feel you again, I want to make love with you again.' Jeff smiled as Dixie said this, he wanted her last night, but stopped himself, now the wait was over, he was going to show Dixie how much she meant to him and what sex should be like. He was determined to treat her with care as they made love, as much as the first time had been satisfying, taking her up against a wall was not the gentlemanly thing to have done.

Jeff slowly got up off the sofa and took Dixie by the hand, 'Are you sure about this Dixie?'  
'Most definitely.'  
'Your room or mine?'  
'Mine.'  
'Tell you what Princess, you go on up and get yourself ready. I will lock up and be up with you in a sec okay.' Jeff hoped that by giving Dixie some privacy to get ready that she would be less self-conscious when he did join her.

Dixie ran up the stairs like an excited child on Christmas Eve flying straight into her bedroom, she quickly tidied up the washing piles and books that were thrown on her bed fluffing up the duvet and pillows ready for Jeff. She heard him pottering out in the garden with Lil Abs as she brushed her teeth, she knew he would be with her soon. Dixie was grateful that Jeff had left her alone to get ready, as much as he had already seen and felt most of her body, she was still self-conscious about her 'flabby bits' as she called them. Dixie went back into her room and removed her clothing looking at her naked form in her mirror. She wondered if Jeff would still want her if he saw what she looked like without any clothes on. Dixie sighed to herself as she got into her bed pulling the covers up waiting for Jeff.

After a few minutes Jeff knocked on her door coming in when she gave him the all clear. He was carrying the purple box that caused mass embarrassment for him placing it on the bedside table. Dixie couldn't help but let out a small laugh as she saw it thinking back to Jeff's face as they bought them. She hoped that she had made up enough for it by now.

Jeff turned on the bedside lamp before he turned off the main light, he wanted to see her as he made love to her, but, wanted to keep the light subtle. Dixie looked on as Jeff slowly stripped himself of his clothing in front of her, she took in his chest, flattish stomach, solid legs and perfectly formed bum - desire and wanting shot through her as she studied his naked form.

Jeff climbed into the bed next to his wife taking her into his arms as they kissed one another once more. Jeff wanted to take this slowly, he didn't want to rush anything or Dixie herself. He took her into his arms and kissed her, softly caressing her back as he did so. He felt Dixie's hands return to his back moving up and down it steadily and slowly.

Jeff was becoming aroused by this tender action, he wanted to make sure Dixie was ready for him, so, he slipped his hand lower down her body gently parting her legs as he slid his hand over her. He fought back the urge to place his fingers inside her; he would save that for another day.

Dixie moved so she was lying on her back, Jeff had moved to put on the condom and was now hovering above her staring into her eyes.  
'Are you ready Dix?'  
'Yes.'  
Jeff slowly lowered his body onto hers as she parted her legs even more allowing him to get in closer. As Jeff came down onto Dixie, he slowly guided his length into her, both let out a moan as they joined together.

Jeff started moving slowly locking his eyes onto Dixie as he did so; he ran his hand down her cheek as he moved deep inside her, his other hand was locked in hers just above her head. Dixie couldn't believe how complete she felt again, she was glad that they didn't wait much longer. 'Are you okay with this Dixie?' Jeff asked once more as they continued to make love to one another slowly and steadily. 'It is wonderful Jeffrey.' Dixie replied through her deep breathing and moaning.  
'Tell me if you want me to slow down or stop.'  
'I don't want you to do either of those things.' Dixie whispered as her eyes closed.  
Jeff smiled at her as he watched her getting lost in the moment, he maintained a slow and steady rhythm and it wasn't long before Dixie started to move her hips to match his actions intensifying their love making even more. Both were losing themselves in the sensations that ran through them, their moaning was getting louder and, unbeknownst to them, their movements were getting faster. Jeff had lent in once more to feel Dixie's lips on his, he didn't need to coax her to open her mouth this time, and she was already there with her tongue ready to enter his.

Over the next few minutes, Jeff broke his contact with Dixie several times to check that she was all right with this, on all occasions she said she was and begged him not to stop. She sounded so satisfied with what they were doing, so was he. Jeff hadn't felt like this in a long time, he was in bed making love to a woman he cared so deeply for. Slowly he felt his body start to tense, his orgasm was on its way, Dixie felt him get harder as he sped up, she found this exhilarating as she started to slip into release.

Dixie felt Jeff arch his back and let out a moan before he collapsed onto her once more. She had never felt an orgasm like that with anyone before, Jeff had turned her to jelly and she loved every moment.  
Jeff lay on Dixie for a little while longer as she continued to trace patterns on his back. He had slowed his breathing down and his body was slowly returning to normal after he came. Jeff could never remember releasing like that with any other woman before, not even Lucy made him feel like he did right now. He let out a sigh as he rolled onto his back looking over at his wife who was staring into his eyes. 'I love you Jeff. That was amazing.'  
'I love you too. Are you sure you were all right with it all? Dix, I don't want you to think I...'  
'Ssshh love. You didn't do anything I didn't want you to do to me.' Dixie replied as she placed a gentle kiss on Jeff's arm.

Jeff smiled before getting up out if the bed. Once more Dixie admired his naked form as he left the room heading to the bathroom. She couldn't believe that she had had him in between her legs once more. Dixie felt like a lucky woman, the luckiest woman alive by all accounts. She fell back onto the pillows sighing to herself as she thought back over the last hour they had spent together, she loved feeling Jeff inside her and could not wait until she felt him again. Dixie closed her eyes getting lost in her feelings barely noticing the second weight on the bed next to her.

Jeff stared at Dixie; he enjoyed seeing her like this. All the worry and anxiety from the meeting and day had disappeared and it had been replaced by a look of happiness and contentment. He slowly lent in once more and placed a soft kiss upon her head before snuggling down next to her.

Dixie felt Jeff close by and nestled her head into his chest tracing her fingers around his hair and nipple. She found herself placing her leg on top of Jeff's as they lay together, this was all new to her but it felt so right at the same time. Dixie moved her head so she was looking directly into Jeff's green eyes, she took in all his features, his wrinkles and wide smile that showed off perfect teeth. She knew women would kill for what she had, but no one was taking Jeff from her. Dixie smiled back at her husband before she kissed him. She held his face in her left hand as her right moved around his upper body stroking him lightly. Jeff licked at her lips once more as she slowly opened her mouth allowing him in.  
As the kiss intensified once more Dixie moved herself so she was lying almost on top of Jeff as they continued kissing. She felt her feelings of arousal returning, the desire to have Jeff once more inside her before she went to sleep was overwhelming. It was becoming obvious to her that Jeff wanted the same as well; his length was growing once more as they continued to kiss.

Dixie fumbled with the open packet that was on the bed side table to get another one out and ready. She wanted him again, she had had a taster and now she wanted more. She continued to kiss and caress Jeff and they slowly moved. This time she was on top. Dixie straddled Jeff once more as he slipped inside. She was lying on his chest as she slowly moved her hips downwards consuming him in his entirety. She was changing, or was she? Dixie was an out and proud lesbian who found the idea of kissing and having sex with a man repulsive along with alien but here she was, naked, in her bed, lying on top of a naked man who had his solid erection buried deep inside her. What did this all mean?  
Dixie decided not to think about it but to enjoy making love once more - she was in control this time. Slowly she moved her body up and down staring into Jeff's green eyes as she did. He looked as if he was enjoying it, he must have been. Dixie felt his hands run down her body once more settling on her bum and he helped her to intensify the sensations. 'Sit up princess.' Jeff softly requested as Dixie continued to slowly bring herself down onto him.

'Why?' she asked panting.  
'Let me see you.' Jeff replied as he let out another moan of pleasure feeling Dixie coming down softly swallowing his length in her body. Dixie slowly pulled her upper body away from Jeff's as she continued to move her hips rhythmically. She found herself leaning back resting her hands behind her on Jeff's thighs as their intercourse became incredibly intense and deep.

Jeff looked up at Dixie who now had her eyes closed as she moved on top of him. He found the fact that she was in control a huge turn on and now he could see her, he realised how beautiful she was. He took in her neckline, well-formed and perfect breasts which he cupped in his hands as he slipped into the second release of the night.

Jeff moaned as he came noticing Dixie move faster as she too cried out before collapsing back onto his chest to slow her breathing down once more. After a few minutes, he guided her off and onto the bed next to him as both of them felt their bodies returning to normal. 'Wow Mrs Collier. That was unexpected. Twice in one night. I am lucky.'  
'No, it is me who is lucky.' Dixie replied as she settled down on the pillow. 'Goodnight my Jeffrey. I love you.'  
'Love you too princess. Sleep well.' Jeff kissed Dixie on her head as he too settled down to sleep. He watched her for a little while thinking back over what they had done. She really was beautiful in his eyes. Her body was perfect, every bit of it. He knew she hated how she looked but it didn't matter to him, he loved her how she was.

Jeff wondered what she liked, where she liked to be touched and if she would let him touch her more intimately. He wanted to explore her body further, he had the urge to pleasure her using his fingers and tongue, but, would she be comfortable with him doing that? Maybe that was something for tomorrow, after all, she trusted him enough to allow him to make love to her. He was certain she would let him continue to pleasure her. With that thought in mind, Jeff placed his arm around Dixie's waist and fell asleep.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 for your review, we really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this latest chapter :)**

* * *

**Chapter Ten.**

Jeff woke up next to a still sleeping Dixie, she was lying on her side and the covers had slipped down revealing her naked chest to him. The memories of last night went through his head, twice in one night was so very unexpected but he had loved it. Being inside Dixie was something that he hoped to experience again soon. His last thoughts before he went to sleep came back to him, he wanted to know where Dixie liked being touched, what she wanted him to do. He wanted to know what turned her on and what she would let him do. Jeff moved closer to Dixie and put his arm around her waist, he just watched her as she slept. They had all morning to stay in bed if they wanted to, their shift didn't start until six that evening. Jeff resisted the urge to touch Dixie while she was sleeping, he wanted her permission and he felt like it would be a betrayal of her trust if he touched her without her knowledge or consent.

Jeff contented himself with lightly stroking Dixie's hair, he kissed Dixie's cheek and pulled the covers up over her shoulders, she was quite exposed and he didn't want her to be cold or embarrassed in any way. He wondered what made her so sensitive about her body, he thought that she was beautiful and so very womanly. Jeff hated the idea of women so thin that you could see their bones sticking out, he much preferred a woman that ate healthily and had a good appetite. Dixie was one of those women, she enjoyed her food and occasionally had something naughty like ice cream or chocolate. He loved Dixie, curves and all, she was exactly his type of woman.

Jeff just watched Dixie as she slept, her eyelids flickered every so often and it made him smile, he liked watching her sleep. He lightly touched her arm and stroked his finger down it from her shoulder to her fingers, Dixie moved and mumbled something, he smiled and carried on stroking her skin. 'That tickles Jeff.'

'Morning princess.'

'Morning Jeff.'

'You sound so adorable with your sleepy voice Dixie.'

'Adorable am I?'

'Yes, you are.' Jeff chuckled. 'Most of the time anyway.'

'Cheeky sod.' Jeff laughed and let his fingers drift over Dixie's arm, he wanted to have some contact with her, even if it was only a little bit.

Dixie focused her mind on Jeff's fingers stroking her arm, it felt nice, she wondered if it felt the same for him too. She turned onto her back and watched his fingers make the journey down her arm. 'Dixie, how would you feel about me touching you?'

'You are touching me.'

'I mean intimately, I want to learn where you like to be touched and kissed.' Dixie flushed, the idea of Jeff's fingers pleasuring her immediately came into her head. 'You can say no if you feel that you're not ready for me to touch you like that.'

'I don't mind, I want to learn about you too Jeff.'

'Okay, why don't you guide my hand?' Dixie took Jeff's hand in hers and placed it on her belly, she took a deep breath and moved his hand slowly up her body. She let his hand rest just under her breasts for a few seconds and then she placed it flat over the nipple of her right breast. Dixie moved Jeff's hand up to her neck and then across the sensitive hollow between her collarbones, she followed the line she had taken up her body back down again and let his hand rest once again on her belly.

Jeff had followed the path Dixie took with his eyes, he wasn't going to rush her, once he was certain that she had finished exploring he took his hand out from underneath hers. 'Can I touch you?' Dixie looked uncertain. 'I'll only touch where you showed me, I promise.'

'Okay.' It was barely a whisper but he heard it. He moved his hands in soothing circles over Dixie's belly, once he felt she was relaxed enough he continued the journey upwards. He lightly stroked the underside of her breasts with his fingers and then moved up caressing her nipples with the same gentleness. Jeff moved one hand up and dipped his finger in the hollow at her throat, lightly touching her. 'You're so beautiful Dixie.'

'Am I? You don't think that I need to lose some weight?'

'No, you don't. Why do you want to look like one of those skinny women?'

'It's what every man wants, isn't it?'

'Let me tell you something Dixie, not every man wants a skinny woman. To me they look as if they need a very large burger and extra helpings of fries. Being too thin is bad for you, I'd rather have you healthy Dixie. Please put it out of your mind, you are beautiful as you are.' Dixie smiled, Jeff hoped that his words had made Dixie feel better about herself, he didn't want her starving herself and making herself ill.

Dixie ran through what Jeff had said in her mind, she knew that he was right, it made her feel good that he liked her as she is. 'Since when did you become so articulate Jeff?'

'Around the same time that you started using long words.' Dixie smiled, she liked that though their relationship had changed they were still able to laugh and joke about things together.

'Jeff, can I touch you?'

'I'll guide your hand and show you where I like to be touched.'

'Okay, that's good, I'm not sure where to touch a man.'

'Don't worry princess, you'll learn quickly, you always do.' Dixie felt Jeff's hand lightly grip hers and he laid it on his belly, his skin was warm to the touch and she could feel the muscles that lay under his skin. Her eyes followed the path his hand took up his chest and to his shoulders, he was hairy but she liked it, it was very him somehow. She noted that his eyes closed as her fingers brushed past his nipples, he clearly found it quite pleasurable to be touched there. She took in every expression on his face, she wanted to have a go herself and see where else she could find that he liked to be touched. She sensed that he was holding back and where he actually wanted her to touch was further down his body.

Dixie moved her hand from under Jeff's and traced little patterns over the skin on his chest, she moved her hands down his arms and then back up again, she was still watching his face change according to where she touched. His eyes were closed and he looked to be enjoying her touching him, she thought about touching him further down but each time she went near her courage deserted her and she moved her hand back up Jeff's stomach. She didn't want to hurt him or go too rough, perhaps she would leave it for another time when she was more confident. Dixie leaned in and kissed Jeff, this was something she felt comfortable with and she could do without fear of hurting him. Dixie felt Jeff's hands moving over her back and waist, she gently stroked his chest and lost herself in the kissing.

Jeff quite liked having a naked Dixie on top of him and kissing him, he did want the control back so he could touch her some more. He rolled Dixie onto her back and continued kissing her, he really wanted to touch her more intimately than before. He experimentally parted Dixie's legs and stroked the inside of her thigh with his fingers and moved them slowly upwards. Jeff felt Dixie pull out of the kiss and she looked at him. 'Princess, I want to touch you but I will only do it with your permission.'

'Where?' Dixie said, he heard the nerves in her voice. Jeff gently placed his hand between her thighs.

'I want to pleasure you with my fingers, you don't have to say yes if you feel that you're not ready Dix. I will go at your speed.'

'Okay, touch me.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, I might ask you to stop though, is that all right?'

'Of course it is princess.' Jeff kissed Dixie's head and gently touched her with his fingers, he moved his index finger around her clitoris and he heard her breathing suddenly hitch. Jeff smiled, he had a feeling that she was going to enjoy him touching her.

Dixie felt Jeff's finger circling her clitoris, she was growing wetter by the second and it excited her how turned on she was getting by Jeff touching her. She closed her eyes and moaned, the sound of it surprised her and she opened her eyes again. 'Dixie, are you all right with this?'

'Yes, don't stop.' Dixie gasped as she felt Jeff's finger slip inside her body and start to move slowly in and out of her, it was wonderful, she moaned as another finger joined it a few seconds later. She gripped the pillow at the side of her head, the sensations coursing through her body were amazing. Dixie moved against Jeff's fingers, all thoughts had flown out of her mind and she moaned again. 'Jeff, don't stop, please don't stop.' Her voice cracked at the end of her sentence, her orgasm was rapidly approaching and she welcomed it, wanted it and needed it.

Jeff expertly moved his fingers inside Dixie, she was so close to orgasm and he loved watching her as she moved against his fingers and moaned out into the room. He leaned down and kissed Dixie's neck, suckling on the one point that made her turn into jelly. Jeff felt Dixie's hand move down his body and settle on his stomach and then carry on downwards, Jeff moaned as Dixie's hand closed around his growing length. 'Dixie, you don't have to do this.'

'I want to.' He moaned into Dixie's neck as her hand coaxed him into full hardness.

'Dixie,' he groaned. He slowly moved his fingers inside Dixie, it was hard to concentrate while she was touching him. Jeff soon found his rhythm again and he felt Dixie start to shake as orgasm overtook her body, she moaned his name and moved against his fingers. He loved that he could do this to her, that she was letting him do this to her. Jeff slowed his movements down and gently thrust his fingers into her a few more times to prolong the feelings of the orgasm that she had just experienced.

Dixie stilled her hand as she orgasmed, she didn't want to hurt Jeff if she got too carried away, she was still a little uncertain of what she was doing but he seemed to like it. She moved her hand up and down his length a few times, experimenting with what sort of pressure he liked. She strengthened her grip and moved her hand a bit faster. 'Like that Dixie, just like that.' Dixie heard Jeff groan again, he buried his head into her neck and she continued stroking and caressing Jeff's length. 'Fuck, Dixie, I can't hold on.'

'Don't hold on.' Dixie heard Jeff moan into her neck again, she alternated lighter strokes with firmer ones and she felt Jeff move into her hand. She moved her hand upwards as Jeff pulled her down to him and kissed her, he moaned into her mouth and she gently continued stroking him as he came into her hand.

Jeff lay back on the bed, he couldn't believe what Dixie had just done to him, where had she learned to do that? His head was still fuzzy from the orgasm he had just experienced. He hoped that Dixie was okay with what they had just done, he watched her go to the dressing table and wipe her hand. 'Dixie, come here princess.' She climbed back onto the bed and cuddled up to him. 'Are you all right?'

'Why wouldn't I be?'

'That had to be the first time you've done anything like that.'

'It is.'

'Did you mind?'

'Mind what?'

'That I came in your hand, I couldn't help it Dixie, it felt too good to stop.'

'No, I didn't mind.' Jeff was relieved, Dixie wasn't upset or disgusted by what they had done.

'You're sure?'

'Yes, very sure.' Jeff held Dixie close to him and stroked the skin of her bare shoulder, he gently kissed her head and wrapped his arms around her.

Dixie lay her head on Jeff's chest, she had enjoyed every minute of what they had shared together, she wouldn't do this with any other man, just Jeff. No other man could make her feel as comfortable as he had done. Instinct had taken over when she started touching Jeff, his body instantly responding to what she was doing to him. It was different but she had enjoyed it, she wanted to do it again, wanted to touch Jeff again. She wanted to feel his fingers inside her again. Dixie snuggled closer to Jeff, she was going to have to think about getting up for work later on in the day, but not yet, for now she could lie in Jeff's arms and just relax.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 for your review, we really appreciate it :)**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven.**

Dixie always hated the night shift, they both did. It was especially hard when they had worked days the day before, finishing at 8pm but not starting work until 6pm the following day, the sleep and eating routines were thrown out of kilter. They were starting three days of night shifts, three lots of 12 hours, still, after that, they had 4 non-working days to make up for it. Dixie was looking forward to those; she planned on spending them with Jeff and no one else.

She looked over at her husband who had fallen asleep again, that was one of his many talents, the ability to just fall asleep. She often wondered how he did it, even before they started sharing a bed, he would be watching something on TV one minute, then the next he had fallen asleep. Dixie couldn't sleep any more; the adrenalin of their earlier activities had well and truly woken her up. She knew she should try and sleep a little more, but, she just couldn't. Slowly she moved off her bed so not to disturb Jeff, he had settled himself down and was obviously planning on being there for a little while. Dixie smiled as she wrapped him up in the duvet placing a light kiss on his forehead. She looked at the clock – 11.30, they had about five hours before they needed to be heading off to work. Dixie decided to have a shower and get dressed before she woke Jeff up.

A warm shower was just what she needed right about now; she was starting to feel a little under the weather. Her breasts were a little tender and the stomach cramps had started, this meant one thing, her period was on its way. As she stood under the shower, she worked out when her period was due; she still had another couple of days to wait. Dixie thought about all the things she could get up to with Jeff in that time, more love making was definitely going to be on the agenda along with a repeat of this morning if she was lucky.

Dixie lost herself in her thoughts of being pleasured by her husband once more when something occurred to her. It made her quite nervous. How would Jeff react to not being able to make love to her while she had her period? Would he hate me for it and go looking to be pleasured elsewhere? Dixie knew that Jeff had cheated on Lucy and found comfort from sleeping with other women. Would he do the same if I cannot pleasure him?

The thought of it was making her scared and nervous. Her confidence in the bedroom with Jeff was slowly growing and now it looked as if it would disappear in a matter of minutes just because of her monthlies. She didn't want to talk to Jeff about it, they had only just started to become a proper couple, and this could scare him away. Dixie didn't want that, she wanted to hang onto him.

Dixie shut off the shower and got out looking at herself in the mirror as she got dried. Jeff had now seen her in all her glory and he hadn't run a mile, or was he just being polite? Dixie was starting to doubt everything, why was her body doing this to her?

As she walked back into her bedroom she could see that Jeff was still asleep, she stood for a little while watching him. Dixie couldn't quite believe what had happened between them, she was enjoying it, she loved it, but, she was still insecure, still worried that Jeff was only being kind in his words and that he didn't really mean what he was saying. Her hormones were starting to play havoc with her; she wanted this period over quickly so Jeff wouldn't have too much time to play elsewhere.

Dixie got herself dressed and ready for the day with Jeff still asleep in her bed, the time had ticked on, she had to wake him up. Slowly she crept over to his side of the bed and placed a kiss upon his forehead stroking it lightly until he stirred. 'Time to get up Jeffrey.' Dixie softly whispered in his ear.

'Do I have to?'  
'Yes love you do. Come on, go and have a shower while I make a tea.'  
'Don't want to get up yet.' Jeff pouted at his wife before he pulled the duvet back over his head. Dixie laughed at her husband before she gave her duvet a massive yank pulling it clean off the bed laughing as a naked Jeff wriggled around throwing his arms about having a tantrum.  
'Come on Handsome; get your behind into that shower.' Dixie giggled watching him behaving like a 5 year old.

'Are you going to join me?' Jeff asked, he had stopped squirming on the sheet and eyed Dixie seductively.

'No.'  
'Awww, please.' Jeff gave her his best pout and puppy dog eyes.  
'No, now get a wriggle on.' Dixie replied as she lightly slapped his bum before walking out of the bedroom to leave Jeff to it.

Dixie made her way downstairs to draw the curtains and get the kettle on before Jeff came down, she could hear him wandering about upstairs in his bedroom and the bathroom, she smiled to herself, maybe one day she would get in the shower with him, but, not today. Dixie let the dog out and stood by the back door taking in the warm afternoon breeze when something caught her eye. 'JEFFREY.' She yelled from the back door step. 'What?' He called from the top of the stairs as Dixie burst through the house.  
'You didn't put the bins out and now we have missed the bin men. I asked you to do that last night when we got back.'  
'Yeah, and if I recall correctly, as soon as we set foot inside the house, you pretty much jumped me.'  
'I didn't jump you. You told me you would put the bins out and when I asked you again you told me you had.'  
'No I didn't.'  
'Yes you bloody did, don't lie to me Jeff.'  
'Dix, it's only a few black sacks, don't get your knickers in a twist over them. They will be fine for next time.'

'In two weeks Jeff, I am not having them stink out the back garden for the next two weeks. You are so bloody useless sometimes.' Dixie spat as she headed back into the kitchen yelling at Abs to come back in before slamming the door.

Jeff stood on the landing not really understanding why he had just been told off for forgetting the bins, he had forgotten them before and it didn't cause this sort of reaction from her, why did it now? He decided it was best not to argue with her on the matter any more but carry on getting ready. He sat himself down on the end of his bed and proceeded to cut his toenails before he put his socks on. He could hear Dixie banging and crashing around downstairs muttering to herself, so, he knew he was safer out of the way. Jeff mentally calculated if it was coming up to her period, she always behaved a little irrationally around the time she was due on. Dixie never told him when her period was due, or even when she was on, but, he knew, like he had said to her before, it was a husbands job to know these things.

Jeff finished cutting his nails and left to go back into Dixie's bedroom, he figured making the bed and tidying up would score him some brownie points with her. Dixie came up the stairs holding a mug of tea for Jeff walking into his room expecting to see him there. She was a little bemused when he wasn't, but, it didn't bother her too much. She made her way around the bed to place his mug on the table. 'Ow, bloody hell what was that?' Dixie exclaimed as she rubbed the bottom of her bare foot.

Jeff heard her yell and came into his room to see her sat on his bed rubbing at her foot. Dixie saw him stood there, why was he getting on her nerves? Was this his way of saying he didn't want to be with her any more? 'Jeff have you just cut your nails?'  
'Yeah.'  
'So why didn't you pick them up off the floor? I have just trod on them bringing you up your tea?'  
'I was going to…..'  
'That is your answer for everything Jeffrey, I was going to do it later, it was next on my list of things to do.' Dixie retorted putting on her best Jeff accent. Jeff sighed as Dixie got up and left the room, it seemed he couldn't do right for doing wrong. He thought back to when they first woke up, she didn't mind him pleasuring her with his fingers, why the sudden change of attitude towards him? Jeff knew Dixie was worrying about something, he could tell. Whatever it was, he was sure she would come to him in her own time, for now, he would just lay low until they got to work.

Throughout the afternoon he stayed well clear before they left for work, Dixie had decided to drive them while Jeff held onto their bag so nothing fell over. He liked working nights with Dixie, she always made sure they had enough food to get them through the night, she had made some pasta for them, so, he was holding onto it for dear life, he loved her chilli spaghetti. On the way in he got another telling off for not getting fuel for the car, Dixie moaned because they didn't have enough and were now late for their shift. He left her to get changed while he sorted out their ambulance for the shift. 'I cannot believe you did that Jeffrey, you were meant to get fuel and you didn't.' Dixie said as she rounded the side of the ambulance. 'It was only fuel, Dix, we had enough to get us to and from work, you panic too much.'  
'Panic too much. Are you out to piss me off tonight or something?' Jeff had now had enough of Dixie's mood towards him. He watched her turn to walk away as he shouted after her, his words echoing throughout the ambulance bay causing everyone, including Dixie, to stop dead in their tracks. 'WHY HAVE YOU GOT A COB ON WITH ME ALL OF A SUDDEN? I WAS THE BEST THING GOING LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING WHEN I MADE YOU COME THREE TIMES AND NOW YOU ARE BITTING MY HEAD OFF. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU WOMAN?'

Dixie didn't know what to say, she didn't want to turn around, she was aware of everyone having their eyes on her, she could feel them all boring into her skin. She could feel her blood boiling, she was going to get him for that, how dare he announce their bedroom activities in front of everyone. Dixie shuffled herself so her posture was straight before walking passed a very shocked Norman. 'Good evening Norman, what time are you on until tonight then love?'  
'Um…. Err… umm….. 10.'  
'Good, enjoy the rest of your shift then won't you.' And with that Dixie scurried off to her office to calm herself down before she faced her husband again. She was going to kill him, bury him and dig him back up again so she could murder him once more.

In the meantime Jeff sat on the back step of the ambulance, various members of the team would walk passed him and let out small giggles, he couldn't believe that he had announced their sex life to their colleagues. He had told them all in that one sentence that he was shagging the boss. He knew he was for the high jump when Dixie got back; he was going to have to think of something extra amazing to make it up to her. Jeff hung his head, what have I done? Have I just destroyed the best thing in my life with my stupid gob? How am I going to make this right with her?


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, we really appreciate it :)**

**********************Please note that there is some adult content in this chapter, if you do not like it then do not read, you have been warned.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve.**

Dixie shut the door to her office, she was furious, she paced the length of her office, how dare Jeff reveal that they were sleeping with each other to the whole of the station. How was she going to go out there and face all of those people now that they knew? Her credibility as operational duty manager had been shattered, how were they supposed to respect her now? She was supposed to be a lesbian and Jeff had revealed to anyone that would listen that she was sleeping with a man. It would be spreading around the department by now, there were too many gossips around and they would take this piece of information and run with it. What was she going to do? Dixie picked up the stress ball off her desk and squeezed it in her hands, she couldn't stop the thought that it was Jeff's head entering her mind. Why didn't he think before opening his mouth? Dixie sat in her chair and continued squeezing the stress ball, it was making her feel a little bit better.

Jeff was still sat on the ambulance step, Dixie had holed herself up in her office, he wanted to go and see her but he feared that he would get his head knocked off if he went in there. He wanted to apologise for what he had said but it was probably going to take more than an apology to get back into Dixie's good books. Jeff knew that he was an idiot, that he should have thought about what he was saying before he opened his mouth. Dixie was very proud of the work she had put in as operational manager, she had worked hard to gain the respect of the team and he may have ruined that with a few sentences. He was feeling very guilty, he didn't really have anything to lose, Dixie did though. He wasn't sure what to do for the best, should he tell them it was all a lie, that he'd just said it to annoy Dixie, should he tell them that it was true but they should keep it to themselves? Jeff sighed, he didn't know what to do for the best.

Dixie made the most of the time she was spending in her office, she'd tidied up and filed the rotas in their proper order, anything to keep her hands busy and her mind off what had happened with Jeff outside. She pulled out her emergency stash of chocolate from inside her desk drawer and broke off a couple of squares, she popped them into her mouth and savoured the taste. Chocolate always made her feel better, she was craving it a lot right now, she always did when she was close to her period.

Dixie jumped when the radio crackled into life, she had been in a world of her own and hadn't expected the noise that came from it. 'Holby control to 3006.' She quickly pulled the radio off her belt and pressed the call button.

'3006 receiving.'

'Emergency call from Holby Community Primary School, ten year old child has gone into anaphylactic shock, staff administered an epi-pen with little effect.' Dixie pulled on her coat and went to the ambulance as control filled her in on the shout. She walked past Jeff and got into the ambulance, she started the engine and put on her seatbelt. Jeff was supposed to be driving but she didn't care, he had annoyed her and if he had any sense then he wouldn't argue with her. Dixie drove off once Jeff had got into the other side. She wondered about the nature of the call, what was a child doing at school at night? Maybe they were having a disco or a party of some sort, poor kid, she always hated going to shouts where children were involved. Dixie picked up the speed, she had to get there quickly, time was very important in this situation.

Jeff knew that he was in trouble, Dixie's silence said it all, she was only silent when she had messed up and she was deciding exactly how and when he would pay for whatever he had done wrong. He knew that he had messed up big time, would this be the end of the new phase of their relationship? Jeff was brought of his thoughts by Dixie stopping the ambulance, there were people in there as the lights were on. He got out the passenger side of the ambulance and went around the side. 'Don't just stand there Jeffrey, get the kit.' It was the first time she had spoken and she had used his full name, it wasn't a good sign. Dixie had taken the oxygen kit out already, he shouldered that while she picked up the rest. He followed her into the school and they were met by a teacher at the doors. 'Come in, Lewis is through here, he is not getting any better.'

'What is he allergic to?' Dixie asked immediately.

'Peanuts, we do our best to keep him away from them but he reacts to even the smallest trace so there must have been something in one of the foods at the disco.'

'He is very allergic then?'

'Yes.' Jeff hung back while Dixie talked with the teacher, her focus was not on him, she had gone into work mode and nothing from before was even in her mind right now.

Dixie followed the teacher into one of the classrooms, another teacher was with the boy and she knelt beside him. 'Hi Lewis, I'm Dixie, I'm a paramedic and I'm going to help you.' He was clearly in some distress, his face had swollen up and he was struggling to breathe.

'Jeffrey, the oxygen, put the mask on him.' She was only going to talk to Jeff about their patients, she was too angry at him for anything else. She gently inserted the IV into Lewis' arm and started running fluids through it. 'Don't worry Lewis, we're going to help you feel better. Jeffrey, get the trolley please.' She took a look at the epi-pen that had been used and prepared a slightly higher dose. 'Okay Lewis, you're going to feel a sharp scratch.' She injected the dose into Lewis' thigh and hoped that it started to help him, she kept a close watch on Lewis as she filled in the paperwork with what she had done so far.

Jeff quickly brought the trolley back and made it ready so that they could get Lewis onto it easily. He stood by Dixie and looked at Lewis. 'How is he?'

'The adrenaline is helping but he's still going to have to be checked out.'

'Okay, the trolley is ready.' Dixie turned away and looked at the teacher.

'We're going to take Lewis to hospital, have his parents been informed?'

'Yes, they're going to meet us at the hospital.'

'We're taking him to Holby City.'

'I'll let them know, I'll come with him and look after him until his parents arrive.'

'Okay.' Jeff helped Dixie put Lewis onto the trolley and carefully did up the straps.

'Okay mate, we're going to take you for a little ride in an ambulance.' Jeff pushed the trolley out of the school and helped Dixie put it in the back of the ambulance, once everyone was in he shut the doors and drove them to Holby.

Dixie took the lead when she went into the department, she needed something to focus on other than the stares and giggles she kept seeing and hearing. Dixie was thankful that Zoe remained professional; either she hadn't heard yet or she didn't care about the gossip going around the department. 'What have we got Dixie?'

'Lewis Archer, ten, has a severe allergy to peanuts and went into anaphylactic shock. Two doses from an epi-pen didn't help so we gave him 300 micrograms of IM adrenaline at the scene which halted the attack. Lewis had an initial GCS of seven which improved to twelve on route. His parents have been informed and this is his teacher Miss Jenkins.' Dixie wheeled the trolley out of resus once the handover had been completed and went back to the ambulance, once again ignoring the stares and giggles that she could see and hear. She knew that Jeff was following her but she didn't really want to talk to him right now.

Jeff sat in the passenger seat again, Dixie was still angry at him, he could sense it. It showed in the way she looked past him and wouldn't meet his eyes, every time she slammed the ambulance door and in how she wouldn't talk to him except when they were dealing with a patient. The silence in the ambulance became oppressive as Dixie drove them back to base, Jeff knew that he was for it and that it was only a matter of time before Dixie yelled at him. He wanted to get it over and done with but it seemed that Dixie was quite content to make him wait. Jeff knew what she was doing, she was making him sweat by making him wait for a telling off.

Dixie sensed Jeff's unease, she knew just how to get to him, he'd rather get the telling off over and done with. She smiled to herself, Jeff kept fidgeting and playing with his seatbelt, he was definitely nervous, she had him on edge and she knew it. 'Dixie, are you going to talk to me?'

'No, I am still furious at you.'

'Oh come on, we both know why you're dragging this out.'

'Why is that Jeffrey?'

'This is some pathetic attempt to make me dread my punishment.'

'It is working, you only fiddle with your seatbelt when you're nervous.' Dixie knew that Jeff was losing his cool, it was obvious, he was trying to provoke her into having a go at him.

'It is not working.' Jeff folded his arms and she chuckled. 'Stop laughing at me.'

'No, why are you sulking Jeffrey?'

'I am not sulking.' Dixie pulled the ambulance over at the side of the road, she didn't want to have this argument while she was driving. She took the radio off her belt and pressed the call button.

'3006 to Holby control.'

'Go ahead 3006.'

'Requesting an undisturbed break of an hour.'

'Request received at 21:30, you're back on duty at 22:30, 3006.'

'All received control, over.' Dixie turned to Jeff, he definitely looked nervous, he looked as if she was about to eat him alive.

Jeff wondered why Dixie had requested a break. 'What did you do that for?'

'It would appear that you have something to say to me Jeffrey.'

'Do I?'

'How about an apology for your totally unprofessional behaviour back at the station for starters. What were you hoping to achieve from telling everyone about our personal life?'

'You're just mad because you've always worn the fact that you're a lesbian on your sleeve and now everyone knows that it is bollocks.'

'You really can't see it, can you?'

'See what?' Dixie got out and went into the back of the ambulance, he followed her, he wanted to know what had got her so worked up. 'What do you want me to see Dixie?'

'I've worked hard to get the people in that station to respect me and you go and destroy it with your unnecessary comments, you don't think of anything you're about to say before you shoot your stupid mouth off.'

'You haven't exactly been quiet today, have you?'

'What are you talking about?'

'Moaning and whining about every little thing that I do wrong, you're obsessed with perfection.'

'It is just as well that I am or else nothing would ever get done in the house, the bins would be waiting to be emptied six weeks later and we'd never get to work because there's no fuel in the car.'

'Here we go again, do you ever let go of anything?'

'I'll let go of you one day, off the edge of a bloody cliff, then there'd be nobody to annoy me.'

'Whatever Dixie, you will always find fault with someone or something because that is what you do best.' Jeff folded his arms, he knew that he was in the wrong but he wasn't about to admit it.

Dixie was fed up, Jeff was still acting like a baby. 'I don't know what your problem is, why you can't see that your actions have consequences. Haven't you learned anything at all?'

'I guess not.' Dixie was sure that Jeff was just trying to push her buttons and wind her up.

'I can see that, you're so bloody stupid sometimes Jeff, when are you going to grow up? When are you going to start acting like an adult?'

'I didn't hear you complaining last night or this morning when I was taking you all the way to happy land.'

'Why are you bringing that up? This is about you and your inability to keep your mouth shut.'

'Is it really?'

'Yes.'

'You see, the problem stems from the fact that you got into bed with me and you can't handle the fact that people know about us.'

'Don't be stupid.' Dixie suddenly found herself pushed back against the wall of the ambulance.

'Are you telling me that you didn't enjoy it when I was touching you? Do you remember moaning my name as I fucked you against the wall of my room?' Dixie cursed her own body, having Jeff this close to her and saying those things turned her on a great deal, she wanted him, it was hard not to think if the memories she had of Jeff inside her and making her moan.

'This isn't about that.'

'It's about me right? If people know about us then you have to admit to them and yourself that you're not as gay as you thought yourself to be, you have to admit that you're wrong and you can't handle that. You don't like being wrong Dixie and you know it.' Dixie felt Jeff's hand moving up her body, she shivered as it settled at the base of her back and he pulled her close to him. 'Tell me I'm wrong, tell me you don't want me.' Dixie gasped as Jeff's lips caressed her neck, she couldn't tell him that she didn't want him, not when he was touching her like this.

Jeff heard Dixie gasp as his lips touched her neck, he knew that she wanted him, her hands were moving up his back and he captured her lips with his. Jeff pushed his tongue inside Dixie's mouth and pulled her shirt out from her trousers, he wanted her so badly. Jeff went back to kissing Dixie's neck and he heard her moan. 'Don't think this means you're off the hook Jeffrey, I'm still furious at you.'

'Of course you are princess.'

'I mean it, you're still in trouble.'

'We'll see if you feel that way later on when I have you calling my name in pleasure.' Jeff heard Dixie moan in reply, he gently squeezed her breast and moved his hands up and down her body. He loved Dixie's curves, she was very womanly. Jeff pushed Dixie down to the bed and pinned her arms down by her head. 'I want you Dixie.' Jeff didn't give her time to reply, he kissed her again and released one of her hands so he could unbuckle her belt and pull the zip down on her trousers. Jeff slipped his hand inside Dixie's trousers and quickly found her clitoris. Someone is a naughty girl Dixie, you're all wet.' He gently played with her clitoris, listening to her moan and feeling her moving against him, trying to encourage him to touch her some more.

Dixie couldn't believe what was happening, what she was about to do with Jeff in the ambulance of all places. She pulled his shirt out from his trousers and moved her hands up inside it, she felt every inch of his naked flesh that she could and he moaned into her mouth as he kissed her. Dixie felt Jeff's rapidly growing hardness dig into her thigh. 'Jeffrey, do you have a condom?'

'In my wallet.' Dixie giggled.

'You're like a horny teenager.'

'Says you, you're just as bad Dixie.' Dixie chuckled and watched Jeff take the condom out of his wallet and roll it onto his fully hard length, she moaned as Jeff slipped inside her body and started to move inside her.

'Oh, Jeff.' Dixie moaned again and wrapping her legs around Jeff's back.

'This is getting to be a habit, us making love half dressed.'

'I wonder who's fault that is.' Dixie timed her movements with Jeff's, she moaned as she felt her orgasm approaching.

Jeff moved faster inside Dixie, her felt her body tightening around him and he moaned into her neck. Jeff slowed his movements, he moved enough to keep her on the edge of orgasm but not enough to let her tip over. He felt Dixie trying to increase the friction but he kept it at the same slow speed. He heard Dixie moan and beg him to get a move on, Jeff grinned, he was quite enjoying keeping her on the edge. Dixie's body tightened even more, he rubbed his finger over her clitoris and she moaned his name in orgasm. Jeff groaned, he wasn't going to be able to hold on. 'Dixie, I'm going to come.' He felt Dixie's arms hold him close as he moved inside her and rested his head against her chest as he came. Jeff closed his eyes, he slowly moved out of Dixie's body and then tried to sort himself out as best he could. He watched Dixie straighten her hair and clothes and he followed suit, they only had a few minutes left on their break.

Dixie carefully drove the ambulance back to the station, her body was still fizzing from the orgasm that she had just experienced. She was still a little bit mad at Jeff but it was definitely less than it was before. She parked the ambulance in the bay and went inside the station. 'Come on Jeff, I'm hungry.' She gave him a look that said it was his fault and he grinned. Dixie heard the voices as she went to the rec room, they were talking about what Jeff had said earlier. They obviously hadn't heard her come in as they carried on talking. 'Does anybody have anything to say to me?' She glared at them all and nobody spoke. 'Well? You had enough to say about me behind my back. Yes, me and Jeff are shagging as you so crudely put it, I suggest you get over it.' Dixie turned on her heel and left the room, she passed a very red faced Jeff, he was clearly quite embarrassed. 'Come on handsome, it is time for us to get something to eat.' Dixie linked her arm with Jeff's and left the rec room behind, suddenly she was no longer mad at Jeff for what he had said earlier.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 for your review, we really appreciate it :)**

**************************Please note that there is some adult content in this chapter, if you do not like it then do not read, you have been warned.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen.**

The remainder of the shift passed without too much incident. Jeff was still highly embarrassed at Dixie confirming to everyone that they were sleeping together. Dixie, on the other hand, could not see the problem with it. She had told Jeff that she had not said anything different to what he had done at the start of the shift; even he had to admit that she had a point. The couple arrived home at seven the following morning taking an excitable Abs out for a quick walk in the park before they headed home once more. They found themselves making love to each other again before turning in for a well-earned sleep. Now, here they were again, back at work for the second of three night shifts.

Dixie had received a phone call from one of the Paramedics that afternoon saying she was ill so will not be in for a while. As much as she hated it, Dixie had arranged for an agency Paramedic to cover. She now had to work out who she would pair with them. As nice as he was, Norman would probably bore them to the point of not coming back. Dixie sighed, as much as she didn't want to, she would work with Norman and put the agency Paramedic with Jeff. Normally she wouldn't mind him working with someone else but after their session in the ambulance yesterday, Dixie did not want to be away from him for too long. Dixie walked through the bay to seek out Jeff. She found him restocking and checking the ambulance. 'Hey Lover.'  
'All right Princess? Are we ready then?'  
'Kind of.'  
'What do you mean kind of?'  
'Jackie has called in sick so I have had to arrange for cover.'  
'Right'  
'I am not working with you tonight Handsome. I figured you probably would not want to work with Norman so I will work with him. Could I put the agency Paramedic with you for the shift?'

Jeff eyed Dixie; she could see the disappointment in his eyes. She was disappointed too, but, there was no other option. She trusted Jeff and knew he would keep the agency Paramedic in check. 'OK Mrs Collier, if that is what you want then that is what I will do.' Jeff jumped out of the ambulance placing a soft kiss on her head before standing close next to her.  
'Thank you Jeff.'  
'So who is this Paramedic then?'  
'We haven't had her here before. She is called Tamzin.'  
'Right. Is she here yet?' Dixie shook her head leaving Jeff with instructions to bring her to the office when she arrives so Dixie could explain the systems to her.  
Twenty minutes later Jeff knocked on the door bringing Tamzin to see Dixie. Dixie eyed the young paramedic she had paired with her husband, she saw Tamzin was in her late twenties with long brown hair. Dixie noticed her perfect complexion and toned body. What had she done? Dixie found her feelings of insecurity returning cursing her body once more. Would Jeff bed this younger paramedic in the back if the ambulance like he did with me yesterday? She put those thoughts to the back of her head as she went through the procedures with Tamzin taking her to meet with Jeff afterwards.

Dixie felt she needed to make Tamzin aware that Jeff was spoken for and she couldn't have him. During the introductions, Dixie dropped in the fact that Jeff was her husband several times holding his arm for added impact. Soon enough she had to let him go as a shout came in. 'Have a good shift Handsome.' Dixie said as she pulled Jeff in close to her wrapping her arms around his neck locking her lips onto his kissing him slowly but passionately. Tamzin looked away from the pair whilst Norman tapped his foot signalling that it was time to go. Dixie reluctantly broke the contact with Jeff as she headed off to work with Norman. 'Well that was some goodbye kiss.' Tamzin joked as Jeff readjusted himself walking to shut the back doors of the ambulance as they too got a shout. He was slightly bemused by Dixie's sudden public show of affection towards him, he wasn't expecting it, but it was lovely that she felt comfortable to kiss him so openly at work.

Meanwhile Dixie's night was going slowly. Norman was rabbiting on about some pointless fact while all Dixie could do was think of Jeff and what he was up to with Tamzin. Dixie didn't want to think that Jeff would play away, but he had done it before with Lucy, he was capable of doing it again when someone younger came along. As much as Dixie tried to put that thought out of her head, her hormones brought it back. She looked at herself in the mirror of the ladies; she had escaped Norman for a few minutes to nip to the loo. Dixie didn't know what Jeff saw in her, she wasn't thin, toned, have long hair or a younger face. She was in her early forties, ragged features and overweight. Jeff said he loved her and she was beautiful, Dixie knew Jeff wouldn't lie to her.

She wondered what they would do now. Her period had started. Dixie was relieved that she was not pregnant but full of fear as she wouldn't be able to make love to Jeff for a week. If Tamzin stuck around longer would Jeff go to her for some action? Dixie had never been in a relationship with a man before so had no idea how men would react to not having sex. Jeff had had a lot of it recently. Dixie traced her mind back over the last three weeks; they had made love in her room, his room, the ambulance and sofa. Each time they made love was magical in her eyes, she wouldn't trade what they had or had done for anything. Jeff wouldn't play away just because she was having her monthly, would he? Dixie shook her head, 'you are being silly Kathleen. Jeff loves you and will love you no matter what time of the month it is' she announced to an empty room.

Norman was back on fine form again as their shift drew to a close. 'Here's an interesting statistic for you. Did you know that 19% of people surveyed last year said they had dated their supervisor?'  
'Really.' Dixie replied  
'Yes and 18% of people admit to having sexual intercourse with their supervisor while at work. 17% of those were caught. Highly unprofessional wouldn't you agree?'  
'Totally. Sex in an ambulance is not comfortable. Trust me, I did it yesterday. I guess Jeff and I are one of the 17% who did not get caught.' Dixie said as she hopped out of the ambulance leaving an open mouthed shocked Norman behind.

After getting changed Dixie found herself wondering into the Rec room stopping just outside as she could hear Jeff and Tamzin laughing. She wondered what they were giggling about; Jeff didn't normally get too friendly with agency staff as they usually wound him up, what was so different about Tamzin? Dixie entered the room walking over to Jeff wrapping her arms around him from behind kissing his cheek. Jeff's face lit up as he felt his wife close by. 'Good working with you Tamzin, I look forward to when we can do it again.'  
'Yep me too. Have a good day and I will see you at six tonight.' Tamzin replied giving the Colliers a smile before heading out.

'So, what was she like then?' Dixie asked as Jeff got his coat on.  
'Yeah, not too bad. Good sense of humour and was really good with all the patients, looks like the agency finally sent us a half decent paramedic.'  
'Good, did you want to work with her again tonight then?' Dixie asked hesitantly.  
'Did you want a break from Norman?'  
'He is OK, although after what I said to him, I don't think he can quite look me in the eye again.' Dixie chuckled before explaining what had happened to Jeff as they drove home.

The couple were now lying in Jeff's bed once again getting ready to drift off to sleep.  
'I cannot believe you told Norman we made love in the ambulance.' Jeff sighed rolling onto his back. 'It shut him up though.' Dixie said moving onto her side looking at Jeff. 'How can I look him in the eye now if I work with him later?'  
'I am sure you will find a way Jeffrey.' Dixie leant over towards her husband claiming his lips in hers as she kissed him slowly and tenderly. She could feel Jeff's hands on her back rubbing it softly as they continued to kiss. Dixie hoped he wouldn't go lower down, she didn't want him to. Thankfully, he didn't, he kept his hands on her back throughout.

Dixie broke the contact she had with Jeff to place small kisses against his neck before working her way down to his chest and nipples. Jeff's breathing became shallow as her lips ghosted over his nipples fluttering his eyes shut. Dixie caressed his naked chest as she worked further down his body with her lips. Her hand moved further down reaching the waistband of his boxers, she looked up at Jeff who was lying with his eyes closed before she rubbed her hand against his length watching his facial expression change. Dixie placed her hand beneath the material of his underwear touching his length with her hand lightly stroking it persuading it to grow. She continued to kiss his upper body as she moved her hand rhythmically over his growing hardness listening to his breathing becoming shallow and slow. What she did next surprised the pair of them.

Dixie found herself working towards his lower body with her lips until the tip of his hard length was in her mouth. Jeff gasped out as he felt Dixie place her mouth over his erection running her tongue over the sensitive part at the top. His body jerked as he gripped the posts of the headboard with both of his hands. Dixie still had her hand rubbing his length while she lightly sucked on the tip. This was something completely new for her; she wasn't sure how she felt about having a part of Jeff in her mouth that wasn't his lips or tongue, it felt somewhat alien to her, but right at the same time. Slowly, she lowered her mouth onto his erection eventually consuming it all. Jeff cried out as he felt Dixie work up and down his length with her mouth and tongue slowly. He hadn't felt like this in a long time, Dixie was evoking a whole new set of feelings from within him, a whole different range of sensations flowed through him as she came down on his length with her mouth. 'Fucking hell Dixie, whatever you do, don't stop, please don't stop. FUCK'

Dixie heard Jeff call out and moan as she continued to work her magic on him. She was still trying to figure out in her head why she had chosen to pleasure him in this way, where had the urge to have him in her mouth come from? She felt a pair of hands softly touch the back of her head guiding her in her movements, Jeff was obviously enjoying this and didn't want her to stop or slow down. 'Oh God Dix keep going, please keep going. SHITTING HELL.' Dixie moved faster before she slowly broke the contact she had with Jeff to catch her breath looking over at her husband briefly before swallowing his length once more. 'Christ Dix you had better move. I am going to come.' Dixie licked his length one last time paying particular attention to the tip as Jeff cried out once more. She moved so she was lying next to him as Jeff placed his hand over his length coming into it. She watched Jeff start to slow his breathing down, before he got up to sort himself out. Dixie lay in bed quite contented with herself that she had had that much of an effect on him, it didn't bother her that she didn't have an orgasm in the slightest, she had pleasured her husband and that was all that mattered. Dixie hoped that Jeff would remember this along with the feelings he had experienced when he was working with Tamzin again, maybe this will stop him playing away?

Jeff was stood in the bathroom gripping the sink in his hands, he had just experienced a powerful orgasm, and his body was taking a little while longer to get back to normal. He was curious as to why Dixie had done what she had; she never struck him as the kind of woman who would willingly engage in that sort of activity. He wanted to touch her and repay the feelings, but, she wasn't letting him go anywhere near her. He wondered why? They had made love the day before, why wouldn't she let him touch her now? It had taken a few minutes for his brain to work it out, but, Jeff had reached a conclusion, her period must have arrived. As much as he had enjoyed it, Jeff decided to tell Dixie that she didn't need to pleasure him all the time. He wanted her to know that what she had done was special but, sexual gratification wasn't the be all and end all of their relationship. Jeff wanted to let her know that period or no period, he still loved her deeply. Jeff walked back into his bedroom finding Dixie wrapped up beneath the covers. Turning off the light he got into bed beside her taking her into his arms. They lay in silence for a few moments, Dixie had her head resting on his chest while Jeff played with her hair. 'You know I love you don't you Dix?'  
'Of course I do Jeffrey. What has brought this on all of a sudden?'  
'I just don't feel like I say it to you enough.' Dixie started tracing patterns on his chest listening to his heart beat before he spoke up once more. 'I know what time it is Dixie, I am not stupid but I want you to know that whatever the the day, night or time of the month, I love you with all my heart and soul. Sleep well my Princess.'  
'You too Jeff.'


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 for your review, we really appreciate it :)**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen.**

Jeff thought back over the events of the past couple of days, Dixie using her mouth on him had surprised him, he had enjoyed it but now he had time to think about it he wondered why she was so insistent on pleasuring him in that way. Dixie was obviously worrying about something, it showed in her face, he was going to have to talk to her about it. He knew that her period always made Dixie insecure and jumpy, he'd lost count of the times he'd spent listening to her while she talked over her worries and fears. The last time it had been whether she was a good enough boss and if she was doing the job properly. Jeff didn't mind reassuring her, Dixie meant a lot to him and he would keep reassuring her until she believed it herself. He had worked out that it was something to do with him, public displays of affection weren't usually Dixie's thing and yet she had kissed him passionately in front of Tamzin. He had to wonder if Dixie was threatened by her, Tamzin was quite an attractive woman, you'd have to be blind not to notice it. Jeff made his mind up, he was going to talk to Dixie and try to get her to tell him what was on her mind.

Dixie messed with her hair, she was trying to make herself look younger, should she start wearing make up to work? She never usually bothered with much make up beyond a little mascara, it was too much hassle removing it all when she got in from work and just wanted to go to bed or chill out on the sofa. Dixie was glad she had a few days to figure it out before she had to go back to work, she hoped that Jackie would be feeling better so she wouldn't have to hire another agency paramedic. She was still messing with her hair when Jeff poked his head around the door. 'What are you doing princess?'

'I'm experimenting with my hair.'

'Okay, but why?'

'I think I look younger with it like this.'

'Younger? Why do you want to look younger?'

'I just want to look presentable, is there something wrong with that?'

'Of course not, just as long as you're doing it because you want to.'

'What other reason is there?'

'Oh, I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the arrival of a young agency paramedic.' Dixie stared at Jeff, did he know or was he just guessing?

'I don't know what you're talking about, I'm just taking care of myself, that's all.'

'Really?'

'Yes.'

'Is that why you practically stuck your tongue down my throat in front of her?'

'That was nothing to do with her, I just felt like kissing you.'

'Come on Dixie, I might be a man but I'm not stupid. Why don't you tell me what is really going on?' Dixie had a feeling that Jeff already had an idea of what she was thinking.

Jeff was trying to get Dixie to open up to him, he wanted her to talk to him and let him know what she was thinking and feeling. 'Dix, you've been snappy and irritable for days, I know that you're on your period and are worrying about something. Talk to me.' Dixie was silent, he knew that he was right, it was just a matter of if Dixie would admit it or not. Jeff sat next to Dixie and put his arm around her shoulder. 'Come on Dix, we've always said that we could tell each other anything. What's on your mind?'

'Is it me that you really want, am I good enough for you? Wouldn't you rather have someone like Tamzin with long hair, a perfect figure and a beautiful face?' Jeff put his arms around Dixie and hugged her.

'What makes you say that you're not beautiful?'

'I've never been the beautiful one, some people are naturally beautiful and I'm not one of them. I'm getting old too, not to mention that I'm overweight.'

'You make it sound as if you are the ugly duckling Dixie.'

'Maybe I am.'

'You're not.'

'Am I not? You must have noticed that I am not perfect, you've seen me naked after all.'

'Don't be so hard on yourself Dixie, nobody is perfect, anyone that says they are is lying. You are beautiful princess.' Jeff kissed Dixie softly and held her in his arms, he wanted her to believe him when he said that she was beautiful.

Dixie rested her head against Jeff's shoulder as he held her, it was always the same words: you are beautiful. Jeff said them with so much conviction that she found herself believng him. 'Jeff, what do you like about me?'

'You're a fantastic paramedic and very skilled; you're a lovely person and very kind to everyone. I love your sense of humour, you always know how to make me laugh. You are lovely, I love your breasts Dixie, they are perfectly formed and just right for my hands. You are curvy and I like having you in my bed, not just for sex but for cuddling up as well.'

'You think that about me?'

'I do, I like cuddling up to you and kissing you, you are my lovely wife and I want you in my life and nobody else.'

'I am glad to hear that Jeff, I love you.'

'I love you too princess.' Dixie felt a whole lot better now that she had talked to Jeff, he liked her and wanted her. She was happy that he wanted her and not someone like Tamzin.

Jeff still held Dixie in his arms, he heard the relief in her voice when he said that he only wanted her and nobody else. He kissed Dixie's head and stroked her arm, he had to wonder if she had pleasured him the way that she had to keep hold of him. He didn't want her to be doing things to keep him. 'Dixie, the other night when you, well, you know, did you want to or was it just something you did to try and stop me going off with Tamzin?'

'A bit of both, I wanted to do that for you Jeff but I also hoped that you would remember how I made you feel if you thought about going off with Tamzin.'

'I don't want you to feel like you have to do that all the time just to keep me.'

'That wasn't the only reason I was doing it.'

'Dixie, it's your period isn't it? You think that because you're on your period and sex is out of the question that you have to please me in other ways.'

'Maybe a little bit, we've been together a lot over the past few weeks and I just thought that I should make an effort to keep that up.'

'It is okay if you can't have sex for a week because you're on, I'm not going to run off and find someone else, I can wait until your period has finished.'

'Thanks Jeff, you're a sweet man.'

'Don't worry princess, I am quite happy to wait.'

'So you're not going to go off with Tamzin?'

'No princess.' Jeff kissed Dixie's nose. 'Tamzin isn't you, stop worrying so much Dixie.'

'I'm obsessing again aren't I?'

'Yes, you are but I love you anyway.' He kissed Dixie's head and hoped he'd put her mind at rest.

Dixie felt very relieved that Jeff wasn't going to go off with Tamzin or anyone else and that he loved her. 'Jeff, do you think I'm silly?'

'No Dix, I don't think you're silly. We all have worries.'

'Even you?'

'Yes, even me.'

'What do you worry about?' Jeff was quiet, he looked as if he was thinking. 'Jeff?'

'I care for you Dixie, a lot, I love you and I don't want what we have to end.'

'Why would we end Jeff?'

'I don't know, everything has changed in our relationship now and we're different, we're a proper couple now. How many married people end up divorcing Dix?'

'That doesn't mean it is going to happen to us.'

'I don't want it to happen to us.'

'It is not going to happen to us, I like being around and telling you to pick up your clothes and put them in the washing basket.'

'Oh yes, you never tire of that and telling me to put the bins out. Let's not forget walking the dog too.'

'Except you always forget to take the bins out.' Dixie had forgiven Jeff for not taking the bins out the last time, she hadn't told him that yet though. 'I don't do it that often.'

'Often enough, maybe you should get your memory checked Jeff, I think it is a sign that you're getting old.'

'I am not old.'

'You are.' Dixie chuckled at the look on Jeff's face, she was feeling a lot happier now.

Jeff saw the improvement in Dixie's mood, he didn't like it when she worried and it pleased him to see her feeling better. They'd gone downstairs a little while ago and Dixie was sat on the sofa and stroking Little Abs. He had a sneaky suspicion that she had forgiven him for forgetting the bins, teasing him about his age and getting old was one of Dixie's favourite things to do. They often teased each other about their age. Jeff liked seeing Dixie smile, she had a very pretty smile. 'Dix, what are we going to do during our days off?'

'I don't know, I haven't really thought about it. Is there anything that you want to do Jeff?'

'Maybe we can go out for a meal or something or we can go and see a film. Go out together.'

'All right, I like that idea, I've not been to the cinema in years.'

'You've really not been to the cinema in years?'

'No, I've always been too busy working.'

'Right Mrs Collier, we're going to the cinema.'

'You mean like a date?'

'Yes, a date, how about tomorrow evening?'

'All right, tomorrow evening it is.' Jeff made it his mission to make sure that Dixie had a good time on their date tomorrow evening.

Dixie was quite looking forward to their date at the cinema tomorrow evening, maybe they could have popcorn and sweets, she wasn't sure what they were going to watch. The date had been organised on the spur of the moment, she liked the impetuousness of it and was looking forward to spending the whole evening with Jeff. She stroked Little Abs' head and relaxed, her worries were almost gone and she would be over her period in a couple of days. She hoped that she had helped to reassure Jeff that they weren't going to get divorced, he obviously cared for her and wanted her to be in his life for a long time. She cared for him just as much and wanted them to be together for life, she wasn't sure when she had got so sentimental but she was feeling it now. Jeff completed her, he was her best friend in life and now he was her husband and lover. Dixie smiled, they'd had a glitch when they'd argued but they were over it now, she hoped that it would remain that way, arguing with Jeff never made her happy, it was lucky that they never fought for long.

Jeff watched Dixie stroking Little Abs, she loved the dog a lot and he loved her too, she would often sit there and stroke him after a long day. Stroking Little Abs calmed Dixie down and lifted her mood, she was calm and looked more relaxed than she had in days, he hoped that the worst of it was over and she would be back to normal again. He was glad that they had talked and got everything out in the open, Dixie's hormones always got the better of her, he would look out for them in future and cuddle her whenever she needed it, reassure her when she needed it and kiss her too. He smiled at his own sentimental feelings towards Dixie, he had a date to plan and was going to make sure that she had a very good time. He would treat her to popcorn and anything that she wanted, he was going to be a gentleman and pay for her to get in, if she'd let him that is, Dixie had always been an independent woman. He would offer anyway and open doors for her too, Jeff smiled again as he realised he was being very sentimental. He went to pick up the paper to see what was on at the cinema and pick something for them to watch. Jeff thought about them going for something to eat too, it would be nice to take Dixie out and treat her. He was looking forward to going out with Dixie and having a nice evening.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, enjoy the chapter ladies :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen.**

The following evening came round really quickly for the pair of them. Dixie had no idea where Jeff was planning on taking her and what they were going to watch. She was excited about going out with him, they had been out before together, but, this was different, this was them going out as a proper couple, as husband and wife – as lovers.

Dixie wondered what the etiquette was for such an occasion, she knew how to behave on dates, but, she usually dated women so it all came naturally to her, this time she was out with a man. Dixie wasn't sure if they would hold hands, whether it was the done thing to cuddle up in the cinema or if Jeff would expect her to contribute towards the cost or not. In short, Dixie was nervous. What if I mess it up and he decides it is not working out between us? What if he goes after Tamzin or someone younger as a result? She shook her head, she was being silly again, 'bloody hormones and period' she announced to herself while she got ready. Jeff had told her she was beautiful, that he loved her; she had to start believing that otherwise their relationship was never going to work. Dixie replayed their conversation from yesterday in her head; Jeff said so many lovely things about her, it made her feel all warm inside. Dixie realised that she was loved and that meant everything to her.

She was brought out of her feelings as Jeff knocked on her bedroom door, 'you ready Princess?' he asked as he poked his head around smiling at her. 'Almost, just going to find my perfume and I will be ready.'  
'You look gorgeous Dix.' Jeff commented as he lent up against the door frame eyeing his wife who was trying to find the right perfume for the occasion. 'You think I am gorgeous even though I am on my monthly?'  
'Especially so.'  
'Ewwww.' The pair laughed as Dixie put the finishing touches to her make up before walking over to Jeff who pulled her close to him placing his lips on hers kissing her tenderly. Dixie felt her mouth opening beneath his kiss as they deepened it pulling away after a few moments. 'Come on then Mrs Collier, time to go.' Jeff placed his hand in hers as he led her down the stairs and to the car.

Dixie found herself being treated like a real princess as Jeff opened the car door for her along with the doors to the cinema. She was always independent and never saw why people behaved like that, she was perfectly capable of opening a door herself, but, somehow it felt right Jeff being the gentleman and treating her like the lady. He had left her by the snacks choosing what she wanted while he went off and got the tickets, Dixie wondered if she should offer to pay for the snacks as they were going to be quite expensive, she earned more than Jeff being the Duty Manager, but, she had a feeling he wasn't going to let her pay for anything tonight. She was being treated by the man who had her heart, the warm feeling returned again as a smile crept across her own face.  
'What you chosen then babe?' Jeff asked as he approached Dixie sorting out the receipts and tickets. 'I don't know yet. It is all really expensive.' Dixie commented as she continued to stare at the selection in front of her. 'Price doesn't matter Dix, have what you fancy.' Dixie looked around nervously, she had already thought about what she wanted, but, didn't know how Jeff would take it. She had nothing to lose by asking. Biting her lip and fidgeting with her nails, she spoke up quietly.  
'Would you like to share some popcorn with me?'  
Jeff smiled widely, 'Of course I would love to.'  
'You don't have to, just wasn't sure.'  
'Babe, I said I would love to share some popcorn with you. That is a great idea.' A little while later the pair were sat at the back of the cinema in the corner, Jeff had told Dixie he pre booked these seats so they can be closer together without having to move for anyone. She liked the idea, although she did smirk as they walked to the back corner making a comment about getting up to no good in the cinema. Jeff was just as quick with his comeback making yet another reference to her monthlies which earnt him a hard slap on the arm as they sat down together.

Dixie found herself snuggling up to Jeff as they placed the popcorn between them, she leant into his side as he placed his arm around her shoulders bringing her closer to him. They remained that way throughout the whole film. Dixie had heard good things about Les Mis, so was pleased Jeff had chosen it even though it wasn't his sort of film. Every now and again she would feel his hand tracing patterns on her arm and his head resting on hers as they enjoyed their time together. Dixie was so engrossed in the film that she hadn't noticed the fact that she was crying, she never really got emotional at films. Jeff had noticed though, 'Are you crying Dix?' Jeff whispered as he heard Dixie sniffing quietly. 'No.' She replied defiantly.  
'Don't lie to me Dixie, I can hear you sniffing. Would you like a tissue?' Jeff asked softly while trying not to let his snigger escape. 'Are you laughing at me Jeffrey?'  
'No, of course I am not babe.' Jeff replied as he handed her a tissue from his pocket moving the hair from her face so he could see her. 'It isn't funny; it just made me a little sad that's all.' Dixie replied sorting herself out. 'Aww, I think it is cute and so very you at the moment.' Jeff said drawing her into his arms once more placing a kiss on her head as they continued to watch the remainder of the film. They waited for the cinema to empty before they got their things together to head out. Dixie stood up first turning to face Jeff as he picked up the popcorn container and his coat from the floor.

'I really enjoyed that Jeff, thank you.' Dixie said as she moved forward pressing her lips to his giving him a light kiss before linking her arm through his own leading them out into the lobby where the bright lights made them squint as they readjusted to them.  
Dixie wondered what they were going to do now, it was 8pm and although the popcorn was lovely it wasn't dinner. She waited for Jeff to come out of the loos before they headed back out of the cinema into the cool evening air. 'Fancy a bite to eat Princess?'  
'I was just thinking that myself.'  
'Oh God.'  
'What?'  
'Does that mean we are compatible?'  
'You what?'  
'Thinking alike. Does that mean we are in sync with one another?'  
'God I hope not.' Dixie smirked at Jeff's expression of hurt. 'Come on Handsome, where shall we go.' Jeff looked around Holby Entertainment Complex, he had no idea. He looked at each possibility mentally checking them off before deciding on one. 'How about Pizza Hut?'  
'Perfect.' Dixie replied smiling as Jeff led them across the walkway and into the Pizza Hut.

The waiter directed them to a quiet booth in the corner, Jeff stood back as Dixie slid in moving over up against the wall before he shuffled in next to her. He didn't fancy sitting opposite, at least this way he was close by and could hold her hand. It also made sharing easier. The couple ordered their food and drink opting to share a garlic bread starter, meat feast stuffed crust and a cookie dough for dessert. Whilst they were waiting for their food, Dixie was leaning into Jeff once more while he held her close lightly stroking her leg. 'Jeff?'  
'Yeah.'  
'Thank you for tonight. I am having a lovely time.'  
'So am I Dix, so am I.'  
'I am lucky to have a best friend like you.'  
'Yeah, guess you are really. I am unique.' Jeff smirked as Dixie moved her head giving him a scowl at his big headedness.

Dixie enjoyed sitting close to Jeff as they ate, it made a change from sitting opposite one another. They were able to hold hands under the table, lean into each other and just generally be close. She had had a lovely time with Jeff and hoped they would do it again soon. Dixie had offered to pay for the pizza when the bill arrived, but, Jeff was having none of it insisting she put her purse away and let him pay. 'Jeff, you paid for the cinema and snacks, let me get this.'  
'No Princess, I am treating you.'  
'You have treated me enough, come on handsome, please let me.'  
'Dix, it is fine, I want to pay, please let me.' Dixie soon gave up asking when Jeff said that if it made her feel better, she could pay next time. Dixie agreed to this readily, she wanted everything done fairly, it wasn't right that Jeff paid all the time.  
By the time they got home, it was getting late, so, they decided to head off to bed for the night. They said good night to the dog and locked up together before heading up the stairs with a cup of tea. As they reached the landing, Jeff turned to Dixie,  
'Did you want to share again Dixie?'  
'Why wouldn't I?'  
'Well, I know you are a little self-conscious about your monthly, so, I didn't want to assume that…'  
'Jeff, we have shared a bed every night for the last two weeks, why would tonight be any different?'  
Jeff shrugged his shoulders. 'Come on Handsome, my bed is calling me.' Dixie said as she walked into her room. Jeff followed placing his mug on the bedside table before leaving Dixie to get changed into her pyjamas for bed. He wondered into his own room finding a clean T shirt and boxers to wear before going back into Dixie's room.

Dixie was already sat up in bed sipping her tea when Jeff walked back in. He smiled at her turning off the main light before climbing into bed beside her. They enjoyed a comfortable silence while they drank their tea placing their empty mugs on the cabinet settling down for the night. Jeff was lying on his back when Dixie turned over and moved right up close to him. He looked down as she looked up into his eyes smiling widely at him.  
'Thank you for tonight Jeff, it has been lovely.' Before Jeff could reply, Dixie had pressed her lips onto his capturing them in a kiss. Jeff responded to her kiss by opening his mouth allowing their tongues to touch as they kissed rather tenderly. He pulled Dixie closer to him as they continued to kiss running his hands up and down her back as she moved to lay almost on top of him. After a few minutes, they pulled apart smiling at each other. 'I don't think I will ever get bored of kissing you Mrs Collier.'  
'And I won't either Mr Collier.' Dixie settled down on Jeff's chest as they both drifted off to sleep, she had had a wonderful night with the man she loves, she was glad they didn't have work tomorrow, she was looking forward to spending another day with Jeff, just the two of them. Dixie closed her eyes smiling, she wouldn't have it any other way.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, we hope you enjoy the chapter :)**

* * *

Jeff woke up to find that Dixie had moved during the night, she was lying on her back on the other side of the bed. He turned over so he could look at her and rested his head on his own pillow, he quietly watched Dixie as she slept. Jeff allowed his mind to wander, he had really enjoyed the time that he had spent with Dixie over the past few weeks. Going to the cinema and sharing the popcorn had been fun and he was happy that he was able to spend some time with Dixie just talking and having a good time. He didn't want Dixie to think that he just wanted her for sex, he loved her and wanted more that that, it was her, he wanted all of her. Jeff cuddled up to Dixie and put his arm across her stomach. 'My Dixie, my princess,' he whispered to her as he held her. Jeff smiled as Dixie turned over and snuggled into his chest, he adjusted his arms around her and held her closer. Jeff watched Dixie as she slowly woke up. 'Morning princess.'

'Morning Jeff.'

'Come on sleepyhead, it is time to get up.'

'No it isn't, I wanna stay here.' Jeff laughed as Dixie lay on top of him and refused to move.

Dixie pinned Jeff down with her body and snuggled up to him. 'Come on Jeffrey, give me a cuddle.'

'Do I have any choice?'

'No, Dixie wants cuddles.'

'Then cuddles you shall have my princess.' Dixie smiled and snuggled closer to Jeff, she loved how warm he was, it felt good to lie with him like this. Dixie sighed happily, she had enjoyed herself a lot last night. She had even liked being treated like a lady, it didn't happen very often but when it did she really enjoyed it. 'Dix, have you had enough cuddles now?'

'Maybe, maybe not, you're nice and warm, I think I might stay here.'

'We can't lie in bed all day.'

'Why not?'

'Because Little Abs needs walking and feeding.'

'Yeah, he does. Maybe we should make a day of it, go to the park and have a picnic.'

'I thought you wanted to stay here.'

'A woman can change her mind Jeffrey.'

'You change your mind as often as you change your underwear Dixie Collier.'

'I do not.'

'Do too.'

'I can change my mind about sharing a bed with you if you keep that up.' Dixie tried hard to keep the smile off her face but it wasn't working. 'Who else would keep you warm Dix?'

'Little Abs, he doesn't snore like you do either.'

'I do not snore.'

'You do Jeffrey, I fear for the roof sometimes.'

'Mean woman.' Dixie laughed and kissed Jeff on the forehead.

'I love you really, snoring and all.'

'I love you too Dixie, even if you do say I snore.' Dixie smiled and cuddled up to Jeff again, she wanted a few more minutes of cuddling before she had to get up.

Jeff eventually persuaded Dixie to get out of bed and get ready so they could go to the park and walk Little Abs. He'd let the dog out in the garden so he could do his business and then made himself and Dixie a coffee. 'Dix are you coming down?'

'One minute Jeff.' Jeff sat at the table and put Dixie's mug in front of her chair, they always used the same chairs, it had become a little bit of a habit for them. Jeff smiled at Dixie when she came in and sat down in her chair, she picked up her coffee and wrapped her hands around the mug. 'Cheers Jeff, exactly how I like it.'

'I know you can't function without your coffee Dix.'

'Neither can you, you'd be terrible without it.'

'You're probably right there.'

'What do you want for breakfast Jeff?'

I don't know princess, what are you having?'

'I'm going to put some toast on.'

'Put me some on too please Dix.'

'Okay love, you can butter it though.'

'Can I now?'

'Yes, you can.' Jeff went to the fridge and took the butter out while Dixie put the bread under the grill, he took a knife out of the drawer and placed it next to the butter. Dixie put the first pieces of toast onto a plate when they were ready and he dutifully buttered them, the other pieces soon followed and he buttered them exactly how Dixie liked them. 'Here you go princess.' Jeff passed Dixie the pieces of toast that were hers and started to eat his own.

'Thanks love.' Jeff drank his tea and let his mind wander over what they would do at the park today.

Dixie ate her toast, she realised that Jeff had buttered it exactly the way that she liked it. Jeff knew her better than anyone else, he knew everything about her; how she liked her toast buttered and how she took her tea. He knew everything about Cyd and her dad, she didn't regret telling him, he was her best friend and he hadn't laughed at her or said anything mean to her about them. Dixie looked at the man in front of her, there were times when he drove her mad but for the most part they got on well and had a very good relationship. She popped the last little bit of toast on her plate into her mouth and drank the last of her tea, she was looking forward to going to the park with Jeff and Little Abs.

Jeff got into the car and started the engine, Dixie was putting Little Abs into the back seat next to the picnic basket, she closed the door and got into the passenger seat. 'Are you ready to go Dix?'

'Yes love.' Jeff looked over at Dixie every so often as he was driving, she was relaxed and he could see her tapping her fingers on her leg in time with the music from the radio. He liked how their silence was comfortable; they didn't have to speak and fill every moment with chatter or noise from the television. Sometimes they would be in the same room and he would read the paper while Dixie read a book or she would potter about making tea in the kitchen. It felt nice to share his space with someone again, especially as it was Dixie, she was still his best friend even thought their relationship had changed to one where they were lovers too.

Dixie was lost in her own thoughts, her period was almost over now, she was glad to see the back of it. Her periods always made her feel strange and worry about things, no matter how small they started out, her worries always ended up huge when he hormones were involved. She watched Jeff out of the corner of her eye and he was totally concentrated on driving and the traffic around him. There were times when he would curse the other drivers when they did something stupid. She remembered the time when some teenagers had ran out in front of him and he'd almost turned the air blue with the amount of profanities that he'd used. Dixie smiled at the memory and looked out of the window, it looked as if it was going to be a nice day, the sun was out but it wasn't too hot. She'd made some sandwiches and packed a couple of drinks as well as the doughnuts that she'd bought yesterday and some crisps from the shopping that they'd done last week. She wasn't going to think about anything to do with work or anything that she'd been worried about, she was just going to enjoy herself.

Jeff parked the car and took the picnic basket off the back seat whilst Dixie got Little Abs out and attached the lead to his collar. 'Who's a good boy,' she said to him and fed him a treat. 'Come on Jeff, let's go for a walk.' Jeff linked arms with Dixie and they walked at a slow pace through the park, there was no need to rush as they had all day. There were very few people about, probably because most people were at work or at school. He liked that they were just wandering wherever their feet took them, they didn't have any real plans for the day, it was better that way. Dixie looked happy and contented, she was smiling and she would lean down and pat Little Abs on the head and give him a treat. Little Abs was not so little now, he had grown a lot and he loved Dixie, if anyone came too close to her, especially men, then he would growl at them until they moved away from her. Jeff had seen him do it once and it was quite scary to witness, he was only protecting Dixie though, nobody would hurt her while Little Abs was around.

Dixie and Jeff stopped on the field at the back of the park, she bent down and stroked Little Abs while she unclipped his lead. 'Come on mate, time for a run.' She put the lead down on the basket that Jeff had put down next to her. 'Go on boy.' Dixie nudged Little Abs with her foot and he ran off towards the far end of the field, she watched him running about just in case he went too far away. 'Dix, come and sit down.' Jeff had put the blanket down while she was watching Little Abs, she sat down next to Jeff, he put his arm around her and she rested her head against his shoulder. 'Dix, how are you feeling?'

'I'm okay.'

'Just okay?'

'Is this your way of asking about my monthlies?'

'Yeah, I was trying to be subtle.'

'I'm fine, it's nearly over now and my hormones are almost back to normal.'

'Good, I am glad to hear it princess.' Dixie snuggled up to Jeff and sighed happily, it made her feel good to know that he cared about her.

Jeff put two of his fingers under Dixie's chin and gently moved her head so he could look into her eyes. 'I love you Dixie.'

'Love you too.' Jeff smiled and touched his lips to Dixie's, he slowly and gently kissed her, coaxing her lips apart with his tongue and sliding it inside her mouth. He moved backwards and pulled Dixie with him so she was lying on his chest as they kissed. Jeff moved out of the kiss and smiled up at Dixie, he loved her so much and was making the most of the time that they had together. He moved his fingers over Dixie's arm in little circles until he reached her fingers, he kissed the back of her hand and placed it against his chest. Jeff looked at Dixie, her eyes were closed and she was relaxed, he loved just holding her close to him. Jeff kissed Dixie's head and gently ran his fingers through her hair, he smiled and held her close, this was turning out to be a perfect day.

Dixie felt Little Abs nudging her leg with his nose, she sat up and looked at him, he had a stick in front of him and looked as if he wanted her to throw it for him. 'Come on then mate.' She stood up and picked up the stick that Little Abs had dropped on the floor. She threw it as far as she could and then watched him run after it, he picked up and quickly brought it back to her, he dropped it on the floor and she threw it for him again. She loved playing with the dog like this, it was one of the simple pleasures of life. She smiled and picked up the stick again, it would be time for the picnic soon playing with Little Abs was making her feel hungry.

Jeff watched Dixie playing with Little Abs, she was laughing and smiling, he loved it when she was happy. Her eyes always sparkled when she was in a good mood, when Dixie was happy the whole world knew about it because she found it hard to hide her happiness from the people around her. She came back to the blanket and sat down, playing with Little Abs had brought colour to her cheeks and that colour made her look naturally beautiful. The dog sat down in front of her and she stroked his head. Jeff took out his phone and quickly took a picture of her an Little Abs, the sun was shining behind her and made her skin glow. 'Jeffrey, did you just take a picture of me?'

'I did.'

'Let me see.' Jeff showed her the picture he had taken, he thought she looked beautiful. 'I suppose it isn't that bad.'

'Isn't that bad, Dixie you look beautiful.'

'I suppose you can keep it.' Jeff put his phone in his pocket, he would have kept it even if she had told him to delete it. 'How about we start eating that picnic, I think it is time we had lunch.

'Good idea Jeff, I am hungry now.' Jeff lifted the lid on the picnic basket, he was happy that Dixie had let him keep the photo that he had taken of her.

Dixie ate the sandwiches that Jeff handed her and she fed Little Abs some of them too, it was hard to ignore him when he gave her that sad look of his. She licked her lips and took a drink from her bottle, she really was enjoying herself today. It had surprised her when Jeff took the picture of her, it had surprised her even more when she looked at it and found that she didn't look that bad in it. 'Pass us one of the doughnuts Jeff.'

'With pleasure princess.' She took the doughnut that Jeff handed to her and bit into it.

'Thanks love.'

'Are you enjoying that Dix?'

'Yeah, I love doughnuts.'

'I can see that.' Dixie concentrated on finishing her doughnut, she really loved the ones with proper strawberry jam in. She carefully wiped the sugar off her lips and took another drink from her bottle.

Jeff munched on his crisps and carefully put the bag into the basket, he checked that they hadn't left anything behind. Dixie was lying on her back on the blanket and he left her there while he put Little Abs back on his lead, he hated to disturb her but they were going to have to go home. 'Dixie, come on princess, it is time to go home.'

'Help me up love.' Jeff held out his hand to Dixie and helped her up when she put her hand in his. 'Thanks Jeff.'

'You're welcome princess.'

'I've really enjoyed myself today Jeff.'

'Me too, it has been a good day.'

'Come on love, let's go home.' Jeff picked up the basket and linked arms with Dixie, he was looking forward to spending the evening with Dixie too. 'Dixie, fancy a cuddle on the sofa when we get back?'

'I'd love one.'

'Then a cuddle you shall have my princess.' Jeff and Dixie slowly started walking back towards the car, each of them looking forward to their evening together.

Dixie lay on the sofa with Jeff, he'd pulled the blanket off the top and wrapped it around them both a little while ago, she liked it, it was warm and comfortable. They'd had tea and Little Abs had his food, she was happy, her mind wandered over the day that she had spent with Jeff, it had been perfect. She felt Jeff stroking her hair and holding her close to him, she snuggled closer and lay her head against his chest. Dixie smiled when she heard his heartbeat in her ear, she loved listening to it, it was so calming and relaxing, she closed her eyes and just lay there in Jeff's arms. She loved being this close to him, he was hers and she didn't want anybody else, no other man or woman could make her feel the way that Jeff was making her feel right now. She felt safe, loved and happy in his arms and she didn't want to be anywhere else.

Jeff felt Dixie snuggle up to him, she had her head right above where his heart is, he knew that she liked to listen to it when they cuddled up as it relaxed her and calmed her down. Jeff held Dixie and stroked her hair when the mood took him, it had been a lovely day and he had thoroughly enjoyed the picnic and just walking with Dixie. 'Dixie?'

'Yeah.'

'You should go to bed princess, I know what you get like when you're warm, it makes you sleepy.'

'I don't want to move, you're nice and warm.'

'I'll be nice and warm in bed too, come on Dix.'

'Okay, if I have to.' Jeff moved the blanket and Dixie slowly stood up, he got up too and put his arms around her.

'Come on princess, come to bed with me.' Jeff let his arm drift down Dixie's body and he settled it at her waist, she put her head on his shoulder and he kissed her gently on the forehead. He knew that Dixie was tired, he heard it in her voice and saw it in the way she leaned on him and cuddled up to him. Jeff held Dixie close as they walked up the stairs together, he didn't want her falling or getting hurt, he would protect her forever. He opened the door to Dixie's bedroom and then closed it behind them.

Dixie sat on her bed, being cuddled up to Jeff had made her sleepy, she quickly got undressed and into her pyjamas, she climbed in her side and lay on her back waiting for Jeff to come back. Jeff came back a few minutes later in his boxers and a t-shirt, he turned out the light and she felt him get into the bed with her. She turned over and could just about make out where Jeff was in the dark. 'Come here princess.' Dixie lay her head on Jeff's chest and she heard the reassuring beat of his heart in her ear once again, she felt his arms encircle her and the feeling of safety returned. 'Goodnight Dixie,' she heard Jeff whisper.

'Goodnight Jeff.' Dixie smiled into the darkness as sleep overtook her, the memories of the day slowly drifting through her head.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, we hope you enjoy the chapter :)**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen.**

Jeff sat in the back of the ambulance thinking back over the last few days he had spent with Dixie. He always looked forward to their non-working days, not only because he could get a lie in, but, because he could spend them with Dixie and no one else. Even before they became lovers he relished the time he spent with her, they were never far from the others side and did everything together, but, now they were in a relationship, he cherished those moments even more.

He thought back over to their date in the cinema, sharing Pizza and going out for a picnic, he was filled with a warm feeling inside as he remembered holding Dixie's hand as they walked together and cuddling up to her in the cinema. They often would cuddle up on the sofa even before they had started sleeping together, but, now it was different, now it meant a whole lot more to him.

Their shift had started five hours ago; Dixie had spent most of the time in her office sorting out rotas. Jackie had been signed off work for a month and so Dixie was trying to arrange cover for her shift. Jeff had left her to it; he was only distracting her as he sat in her office. He knew he would be more use to her out of the way, so that is where he was now, out of the way drinking his tea in their ambulance reading the paper waiting for a shout to come in.

Every time he turned the page he smiled. He would often look at his left hand and the ring that was on his finger. When they married, Jeff didn't want a ring, he never wore one when he married Lucy and said he didn't need one. He never saw the point of wearing a ring, he knew he was married and that is all that mattered to him. However, Dixie had changed his mind on that one like with so many other things. He had made her wear her rings; to tell everyone she was married; now he was doing the same. They had ordered it a few weeks back just after they agreed to become a proper married couple, he had picked it up the other day and now it sat on his finger reminding him of the relationship he was now in, the relationship he treasured.

Jeff sat in the driver's seat with a smile on his face admiring the white gold band on his hand as Dixie climbed in beside him.  
'Feels strange doesn't it?'  
'It will just take some getting used to that's all. I have never worn a ring on that finger before, it just feel strange but good at the same time.'  
'You should try wearing two rings on that finger.' Dixie commented as she held her left hand up against Jeff's. They both sat in a comfortable silence, heads resting against each other as they looked down at the white gold rings on their hands.  
'I love you Dix.' Jeff said as he leant over and kissed her forehead.  
'And I love you too Jeffrey. But, it is now time to do some work, we have a shout.'

The pair settled down in the ambulance before heading off to work. The shouts came in thick and fast for the pair of them over the course of the next five hours, they were now 10 hours into their shift when they finally got back to the ambulance bay for a well-earned cup of tea and some food. As Jeff parked up the ambulance in their usual spot, he noticed Dixie seemed a little hesitant and nervous. 'What's up babe?'  
'Oh, nothing love, just a little dead on my feet that's all.'  
'You will tell me if there is anything worrying you won't you Dix?'  
'Of course I will love, come on, let's get a brew and have some dinner.' Dixie said as she stepped out of the ambulance walking round to meet Jeff.

'Best thing you have said to me all day, well, apart from the fact that you love me anyway.' Jeff returned as he pulled her closer tilting her chin so he could kiss her. Dixie felt his lips touch hers and her heart skip a beat, she loved the fact that they would kiss each other openly at work, she didn't care if anyone saw them or made a comment, they were all talking about them anyway, so why not give them something to talk about. Jeff lightly licked at her lips as she opened her mouth to allow his tongue in before pulling away gazing into his eyes. Her period was now well and truly over, she was enjoying being able to get closer to Jeff once more, it made her feel better.  
As the pair walked hand in hand towards the Rec room and Dixie's office where they would spend their break, Jeff wondered who she had managed to get to fill in for Jackie. 'Tamzin.' Dixie replied as she popped their dinner in the Microwave.

'Really? I thought you didn't want her back.'  
'At the end of the day Jeff she could do her job which is a darn sight better than some of the other paramedics the agency have sent us.'  
'I know that Dix, but, are you sure?'  
'Jeff, why wouldn't I be?'  
'Well, after what you said you were worried about that's all.'  
'I was worrying unnecessarily, you told me so yourself, I just have to get over myself and keep a close eye on you.'  
'Why?' Jeff asked puzzled as Dixie placed his dinner in front of him before moving round to stand next to him.

'Well, I am married to the best looking man here; I have to make sure that no one tries to steal you when I am not looking.'  
'Like they would be able to get away with that.' Jeff smirked as he tucked into the dinner as Dixie placed a fleeting kiss on his cheek before walking back to her office.

Jeff was left alone with his thoughts for the second time in the same shift, he didn't mind Dixie wandering off, he was used to it by now, he knew she was only in her office and would come back in a little while when her dinner was warmed through enough. He continued to eat his way through the pasta bake she had made, he loved her cooking, even though he gave her a load of stick over it when they got married, she was a good cook. The most he could muster was baked potato and even then he would mess it up in one way or another. 'Hey Jeff.' Jeff turned around in his seat to see Tamzin coming into the Rec room. 'Hey, didn't think I would be seeing you back so soon.'  
'Yeah, well, the agency sent me back again, apparently I got a good reference from someone here and they decided I would be the best person to fill in for sick leave. Thank you.'  
'For what?'  
'The reference, I knew it had to come from you as you were the only paramedic I worked with when I was here last.' Tamzin said as she moved closer towards Jeff.  
'No problem, you deserved it.'  
'Well, thanks again, it meant a lot.' Tamzin replied sitting down on the chair next to Jeff. 'That looks lovely.'  
'Yeah, it is, Dix made it.' Jeff said as he continued to much his way through his dinner.  
'She seems to be quite the domesticated wife doesn't she?'  
'Yeah, she is the best.'  
'She is lucky to have you Jeff.'  
'Nah, I am lucky to have her.' Jeff replied smiling to himself and looking at his ring once more. None of this went unnoticed by Tamzin. 'You are good to her Jeff. I would do anything to have someone like you in my life, absolutely anything.'  
'No Mr in your life then?' Jeff asked.  
'Just haven't met the right man yet. You see I am after someone special, someone with uniqueness. Someone who is older than me, someone who can look after me and treat me like a princess, someone who has experience of the world, someone who is slightly rugged, someone who is gentle and kind but good with their hands.' Tamzin moved closer to Jeff as she said all of this to see how he would react. For additional impact, she moved her hand to place it on top of his, but, she never got the opportunity to touch him as Dixie returned. 'Your dinner is done babe.' Jeff said as he got up off the stool ignoring Tamzin altogether going over to Dixie, 'that was lovely' he added as he kissed her cheek.

'Thank you Mr Collier.'  
'Here you go Princess, sit yourself down and I will get yours for you.'

Tamzin watched on as the couple moved around the small kitchen, she noticed how Jeff always seemed to have some form of contact with Dixie from kissing her softly to touching her. She wanted some of that for herself. She quite fancied Jeff, who wouldn't! She was certain that she could win him around to her way of thinking and get some of the love and affection from him that he always seemed to show Dixie. She had described him as her perfect man, but, it appears that went right over the top of his head, she was going to have to try harder. 'Hey Dix, I know you are eating your dinner, but I was just wondering what my shifts will be for the rest of the week?'  
'Oh right, hang on a minute, let me get the rota.' Dixie said as she went to get off the stool but was stopped by Jeff.

'Babe, eat your dinner, I will get it.'  
'Thanks love.'

The two women sat in silence until Jeff returned with the sheet of paper, 'Well, you are working nights again for the next four days, Dix and I are on days, then, we seem to be on days again altogether with the lovely Norman.'  
'Oh God, please don't pair me with him for four days, he will drive me mad.' Tamzin protested.  
'Norman is alright when you get to know him, isn't he Dix?'  
'Yep, he is fine, you will grow to love him.'  
'Could I not work with one of you two for the four days?' Tamzin asked hoping she could be with Jeff once more.

'We will have to see Tamzin, maybe you can work with me and I will pair Jeff with Norman.'  
'What on earth did I do to deserve that?' Jeff asked looking shocked and put out.  
'Nothing love.'  
'Could I do something to change your mind Mrs Collier?' Jeff asked seductively.  
'JEFF!'  
'What, I meant like make you tea in the morning, run you a bath, what the hell do you think I meant?' The pair of them smiled at each other both knowing exactly what he meant. Dixie wasn't going to complain, no more period meant she and Jeff could make love again and if he was offering it to her, she wasn't going to say no.

Tamzin watched the looks of knowing that the two of them gave each other, she had worked out what Jeff was willing to do to change Dixie's mind and a part of her was jealous. She was going to have to do some serious thinking if she wanted to steal Jeff from Dixie and some serious digging. Working nights meant that the Colliers were not around, she was certain she could find out some gossip about them and maybe use it to her advantage so she could have some of what Jeff was offering Dixie. All she had to do was wait until they were all working together again to carry out her plans.

Jeff and Dixie arrived home just after 8pm, they had had a long day and were looking forward to relaxing in front of the television before they went to bed. Dixie was cuddled up close to Jeff who was running his fingers through her hair as they watched a comedy they had recorded earlier on. Every now and again they would look at each other and share a small kiss before cuddling back down to finish their programme. Shortly before 11, Dixie let Abs out while Jeff locked up. They were not due to start work till 10 the following morning, so, could sleep in until 8. Their cuddling and closeness continued once they were in bed both enjoying their contact. Unbeknownst to them, as they made love to one another once more, Tamzin had started to find out about Jeff and his previous marriage, he had already left one wife for someone else, Tamzin was sure that she could make him do it again, Dixie's days with Jeff were numbered, soon, he would be making love to her, not Dixie. Tamzin chuckled to herself, she needed to up her game, and up her game she shall.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, enjoy the chapter.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen.**

Dixie made her way into the ambulance station for the start of another shift, Tamzin was waiting for her when she got there. 'Morning Dixie.'

'Morning Tamzin.'

'How are you?'

'I'm all right for a early morning.'

'I know what you mean. Where's Jeff?'

'He's just locking up the car, he'll be here in a minute.'

'Jeff is a nice man, better than most that I've met.' Dixie wondered what Tamzin was getting at, she couldn't help but wonder if she was after Jeff.

'He is, I am so lucky to be married to him.'

'That's nice.' The tone in Tamzin's voice made Dixie think that she didn't think it was nice at all, it sounded as if she was being quite sarcastic. Dixie tried not to show that she was feeling a little bit threatened by the young paramedic that was stood in front of her. Jeff wouldn't be interested in her, would he? He had promised that he only wanted her and nobody else, certainly not Tamzin, Dixie tried to remember that, Jeff wouldn't do anything to hurt her, she was sure of it.

Jeff saw Tamzin coming towards him, there was no way of avoiding her but he wanted to see Dixie before the shift started and maybe sneak a quick kiss or two to get him through the day. He sighed in annoyance and reminded himself that he had to be polite to her. 'Morning Tamzin.'

'Morning Jeff, how are you today?' He could have sworn he saw her fluttering her eyelashes at him, why was she doing that? Maybe she had something in her eye, he chose to ignore it.

'I'm okay.'

'I'm great, I really like working here, there are lots of nice people at this station. Especially you Jeff, I like working with you.'

'Thanks.' Jeff didn't know what Tamzin was up to, he could have sworn she was flirting with him. It was making him uncomfortable and he decided that the best way out of it was to leave. 'I have to go and see Dixie.' Jeff stepped round Tamzin and left her stood in the middle of the station, he carried on walking towards Dixie's office but he could feel Tamzin's eyes on the back of his head as he walked through the station. Jeff was glad when he reached the door to Dixie's office and he opened it, he was glad to see Dixie in there and he smiled at her. 'Hi Dixie.' Jeff went over to Dixie and kissed her gently. 'What was that for Jeff, what have you done?'

'Why do I have to have done something? I just wanted to kiss you, we are going to be spending hours apart after this.'

'Okay, then give me another kiss.' Jeff smiled and kissed Dixie again, he wasn't looking forward to spending the day without Dixie.

Tamzin was feeling frustrated, Jeff was ignoring her flirting, what was she going to have to do to get him to look at her? Most men didn't need as much effort as she was having to put in to snare Jeff, he was very stubborn, she was wondering if she should give up. No, never, she never gave up on someone that she had decided to ensnare, he would be hers, she would do whatever it took to get Jeff into her bed. She noted that he was very protective of women, perhaps that was her way in, if she could use that protectiveness to her advantage. All she had to do was put herself in a position where his protectiveness would come into play. Tamzin smiled, she began to formulate the plan in her mind, all she would have to do was put it into action at the opportune moment.

Dixie was very suspicious of Tamzin, her instincts were telling her that something was wrong with this whole situation. She'd seen her trying to get as close as she could to Jeff and always touching his arm and shoulder. Dixie wanted to go over and tell her to stop it but she didn't want to sound like the jealous wife, it was probably just innocent and she was just being friendly. Why then was she feeling increasingly suspicious of Tamzin's behaviour? She was watching them right now and Tamzin was flicking her hair and tilting her head towards Jeff whenever he said something, it was obvious to anyone that looked at her. Jeff, to his credit, was ignoring Tamzin and her flirting. He looked quite embarrassed and relieved when Norman came over and started talking to them. Tamzin looked annoyed when Norman stood between her and Jeff. Dixie wasn't sure what to think, would Jeff respond to Tamzin's flirting? She hoped that he wouldn't.

Jeff had never been so glad to see Norman, normally his facts and statistics wound him up no end but this time he was so pleased to see him. He was fed up of Tamzin touching his arm and moving closer to him all the time. He kept trying to put space between them but she wasn't taking the hint, he really was trying to be nice about it but it was getting harder and harder. 'How are you Norman?'

'I am well, thanks Jeff. How are you?'

'I'm good mate, how is the birdwatching going?'

'Just last week I saw a Nightjar, a very rare bird in the UK, I am quite fortunate to have seen it.' Jeff wanted to laugh at the look on Tamzin's face, it made listening to Norman worthwhile.

'Really, are there many rare birds in the UK?'

'Twelve per cent of all birds in the UK are endangered due to the fact that people are damaging this planet beyond repair.'

'That's interesting.' Norman was about to say something else when Dixie came out of her office.

'Come on Norman, we have a shout.'

'Take care Dixie.' Jeff went over and kissed Dixie on the cheek. 'Stay safe princess.'

'Don't worry, I will.' Jeff kissed Dixie again and he watched her drive off in the ambulance to the shout.

Tamzin wondered what on Earth was wrong with Jeff, he'd rather talk to Norman about birds and endangered species than talk to her. She really was going to have to try something else, she hated being obvious but if that's what it was going to take then it is what she would do. She was just going to have to get him alone and then take her chance, what would he do if she kissed him? How would he react, she knew that he'd cheated before and if she kissed him then she thought that he would react like most men and take advantage of what was offered to him on a plate. Her plan was taking shape and she had another idea, getting Jeff away from Dixie was going to mean splitting them up. Jeff obviously was not going to pay any attention to her so she was going to have to be smarter than that. She had planned to tempt him by having something happen to her but if she could make Dixie distrust Jeff then she would be in prime position to take her place. Tamzin thought about Jeff's past and his cheating, what if she brought up cheating in a conversation with Dixie, would it be enough to make Dixie doubt Jeff? It was worth a go, she had to do something, she wanted Jeff in her bed and she would do anything to make that happen.

Dixie pushed the button for a coffee, she had managed to escape Norman after their last shout, he was a nice bloke but every so often she needed a break from him. She picked up her coffee, it was in her favourite mug; Jeff had bought it for her simply because he thought she would like it. Dixie smiled at the memory and sipped at her drink, she was still absorbed in her thoughts when Tamzin came in and got herself a drink. 'Hi Dixie, on a break?'

'Something like that, I needed five minutes away from Norman.'

'I can imagine, he is very talkative.'

'He doesn't mean any harm though and is a very talented paramedic, there isn't anything that he doesn't know.'

'I have a friend like that, she thinks she knows everything except she doesn't know anything. She's always going out with the same bloke and he keeps cheating on her. I've always said that men never change, if they've cheated once then they'll do it again.'

'Do you think so, I wouldn't put everyone in that category, not everyone is the same and some people have a good reason for doing the things that they do.'

'Maybe you're too trusting Dixie.'

'Maybe you're not trusting enough, not every man is a cheat and a liar.'

'I wouldn't be so sure.' Tamzin walked out with her coffee and Dixie just stared after her, she wasn't right, Jeff wouldn't do that to her, would he? No, of course he wouldn't, she could trust him.

Tamzin smiled, she was sure that her words would make Dixie doubt Jeff, she was sure that Dixie would know all about Jeff and his ex-wife and how he cheated on her in the past. All it would take to get Dixie thinking was a few words and hopefully the little speech about her friend and the man that kept cheating on her. It was all rubbish but the important thing was that Dixie thought it was the truth. All she had to do was get Jeff somewhere and kiss him, with any hope Dixie would see and she would think even more about what she had heard. All she had to do was be there when things started falling apart and then she could comfort Jeff and be in perfect position to to end up in his bed.

Dixie was trying her hardest to forget Tamzin's words, Jeff would not hurt her in that way, he loved her and cared for her. They were nearly at the end of the shift and she just wanted to get away from Tamzin and her poisonous words. She went out into the garage and found Norman cleaning their ambulance. 'You didn't have to clean the ambulance alone Norman.'

'It's all right Dixie, you're a busy woman being the Duty Manager and all.' Dixie smiled, Norman was a sweet man, Tamzin was wrong, not all men were out to hurt women. Norman and Jeff were two such men, Jeff had cheated before but that was in the past and she wasn't going to hold it against him or bring it up again. Jeff had been faithful to her throughout their marriage and she wasn't about to let a jealous woman like Tamzin ruin what they had together.

Jeff finished cleaning out the ambulance and shut the doors, he was glad, Tamzin had been brushing against him all evening and deliberately touching his arm, it was driving him crazy, he just wanted her to stay away from him. He was trying to be diplomatic about it for now, he hoped that whatever attraction she had to him would wear off. Jeff wandered over to Dixie's office and put his head around the door. 'Hey Dix, how did they day with Norman go?'

'As all the days with Norman go, the man is a walking encyclopaedia.'

'You love him really.'

'I know, he is a very competent paramedic and we could do a lot worse.'

'Dix, Tom and Fletch have invited me out for a drink or two, do you mind if I go?'

'Of course not love, I'm going to finish off this paperwork and then head home.'

'Are you sure Dix?'

'Yeah, it has been a long day and I just want to go home and relax.'

'Okay, are you sure that you're all right Dix?'

'Yeah, do I not sound all right?'

'You just sound a bit off Dixie.'

'I'm just tired love.'

'Okay, I won't be home too late, I'm only going for a couple. I'll be back about nine.'

'See you later Jeff.'

'See you later princess.' Jeff kissed Dixie on the head, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with Dixie, he would talk to her again about it later and hope that she would open up to him.

Dixie headed off home once she'd finished the paperwork, she fixed herself something to eat and then sat on the sofa with Little Abs at her feet. 'Here you go boy.' Dixie gave Little Abs a bit of her potato and then finished off the rest of it herself. Dixie let Little Abs out in the back garden and waited for him to do his business, normally she would have taken him out for a walk but she was tired and wanted to get to bed as soon as possible. Jeff wouldn't like her taking him out by herself anyway, he always worried about her in the dark. Dixie looked at the clock and noted that it was nearly nine, Jeff would be home soon, she went upstairs and got herself ready for bed. Once she had finished cleaning her teeth and putting her moisturiser on she went into Jeff's room and climbed into the bed, she picked up her book and took the bookmark out, she would read until Jeff got home.

Dixie looked a clock a little while later and noted that Jeff still wasn't home, it was nearly half nine, where was he? What if something had happened to him? Tamzin's words came rushing back, what if he was with someone else? Had he found someone younger and thinner than her, someone like Tamzin. Dixie began to worry, what if he never came back? What if he did come back and then told her he was leaving her for someone else? Dixie knew that deep down she was being silly and that Jeff wouldn't run off and leave her like that but it didn't stop the tears escaping her eyes and running down her face. She lay down on her pillow and tried to stop crying, she didn't know why she was letting Tamzin get to her, she didn't know why the words about men cheating over and over again were running through her mind. Dixie closed her eyes and tried to calm down, she refused to believe that Jeff would hurt her in that way, he would come home to her and he would call her princess and tell her that he loved her.

Jeff saw the light on in his bedroom, it must mean that Dixie was awake and waiting for him, he knew that he was in trouble for being late. He'd lost track of time talking to Tom and Fletch and by the time the taxi had arrived it was already gone nine. Jeff locked the door and went up the stairs, he opened the door to his room and saw Dixie lying in the bed. She was lying on her side and he went and sat next to her. 'Princess?' There was no answer, Jeff looked closer and saw that she was asleep, he saw the tear marks that had run down her cheeks, why had she been crying? Jeff wondered if it was because he was late. 'Sorry princess, I didn't mean to be late.' He kissed Dixie on the head and got himself changed for bed, he climbed in next to Dixie and put his arm around her. Dixie stirred and slowly opened her eyes.

'Jeff, is that you?'

'Hush love, I'm here.' Dixie sounded worried, Jeff was sure that he was missing something in this whole situation. 'Go back to sleep princess.'

'Why were you late?'

'I just lost track of time and the taxi was late, I'm sorry Dixie.'

'I'm just glad you're home.' Jeff stroked Dixie's hair and cuddled up to her, he turned out the light and held Dixie close, she seemed tense but relaxed when he put his arms around her. He was worried about Dixie, just what had made her so upset? He vowed to find out tomorrow once they'd had some sleep.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews, Tamzin is quite the hated woman right now it seems, enjoy :)**

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen.**

Jeff woke up slowly the following morning as the light streamed through his curtains. He rubbed his eyes and stretched before turning over to snuggle up to Dixie, but, she wasn't there next to him. He stroked the empty space that was beside him and thought back over the previous day. It had worried him to come home to find out that Dixie had cried herself to sleep without him, why was she so upset? Dixie never cried, she always maintained her composure, what had got to her so much that she had let her guard down? Jeff wasn't convinced that him being late home would have done it, he had arrived home late many a time before and she hadn't even battered an eyelid about it. What had made last night so different? Deep down he knew he had to get to the bottom of it, he couldn't bear the thought of Dixie being upset or crying on her own without him there to hold her, but, he also knew her too well, she would fob him off with something. Dixie wasn't going to admit there was anything wrong easily, he would have to coax it out of her, but, he would get to the bottom of it sooner or later.

Dixie shut off the shower standing on the mat drying herself off, she looked at her ageing body one more time in the mirror, Jeff's words echoed through her ears loud and clear, he thought she was beautiful and loved her no matter what. Dixie continued to look at herself, did he really think that? Is there any truth in what Tamzin said about men who cheat? Would Jeff cheat on me? Dixie thought back over yesterday's shift especially seeing Tamzin flirting with Jeff, how much longer would she do it before he succumbed and jumped into her bed? Dixie could feel fresh tears forming in her eyes as she imagined Jeff with Tamzin instead of her, she would blame herself if he did that, it would be her fault entirely, her fault for being old, for being overweight, for waiting so long to acknowledge her feelings for him. No. Jeff would not do that, would he?

Dixie wrapped herself in the towel securing it tightly just in front of her left arm; she would go and see if Jeff was awake before she went to get dressed. 'Morning Dixie.' Jeff said as he saw her walk in from the bathroom, waiting for her to get a little closer, Jeff jumped out of his bed and went straight over to her, taking her into his arms holding her close. 'I am sorry I was late home last night Dix, I didn't mean to make you upset, please forgive me.'  
'Its OK Jeff, honestly, you do not need to explain yourself to me.' Dixie said as convincingly as she could. 'Then why were you crying?' Jeff asked tenderly looking into her deep blue eyes for an answer. 'I don't know love, just came from nowhere. I think it was because I was tired and worrying about today that's all.'  
'Why? What's going on today?' Jeff asked clueless.  
'Performance Appraisals Jeffrey. Jason is coming over to help me out as we have to think about disciplinary for Dom don't we.' Dixie responded moving her head onto Jeff's shoulder as she held him tighter. 'Also, he will be doing your appraisal as I am not allowed to do it any more.'  
'You have always done my appraisal Dix, why can't you now?'  
'Because we are married Jeff and in a relationship, it all has to be done above board.'

Dixie went to move out of Jeff's embrace so she could get ready for the day, but, he wasn't letting go. 'Jeffrey, come on, we need to get ready for work.'  
'Do you honestly think I am going to let you walk out of here when you are stood in front of me in nothing but a towel?' Dixie let out a small moan as Jeff started to place small kisses upon her neck before he spoke again, 'How about we do my performance appraisal now Mrs Collier. It seems such a shame to waste Jason's time.' Dixie giggled as Jeff returned to kissing her neck, she felt his hands wonder across her body as they settled once more on her waist pulling her in as he kissed her slowly.  
'Jeffrey stop it, we don't have time.'  
'Yes we do, come on, appraise my performance now.' Jeff said as he pushed Dixie back onto his bed releasing the towel exposing her naked body to him. 'Oh Mrs Collier, you are one hot lady.' Dixie found herself moaning again as Jeff caressed her breasts, 'you cannot resist me, and you know you want to give me a good appraisal Mrs Duty Manager, so, appraise this.' Jeff said as he slipped his hard length inside.

The couple arrived at the Ambulance Station ready for their day; they were sat in Dixie's office enjoying a cup of tea waiting for their shift to properly begin. Dixie was sorting out files ready for Jason and the appraisals while Jeff read through the rotas. 'Why her Dix? Of all the Paramedics here you had to pair me with Tamzin again.' Jeff complained.  
'I thought you got on all right with her.'  
'Yeah, but, it doesn't mean I have to work with her all the time does it?'  
'You work with me all the time Jeffrey.'  
'You are the exception Mrs Collier; I am in love with you.' Jeff smiled at Dixie who returned it, it made her feel loved, Jeff was doing a really good job so far of showing her how much she meant to him, Dixie had almost forgotten Tamzin's comment about cheating, Jeff had showed her that morning that he wasn't going to go anywhere. She hadn't even noticed Jeff had started talking again. 'What was that love?'  
'I said, I would rather work with Norman.'  
'You can't, he isn't on shift until tonight.'  
'Well, you are going to have to give me an incentive to get through the day then aren't you.' Jeff said seductively as he got up walking over to Dixie who gave him a kiss before he headed off for his day. Dixie watched Jeff leave, had she just made a mistake?

Jeff's shift with Tamzin was going anything but quickly, whenever he was apart from Dixie time seemed to drag for him and he hated it. He wondered how the appraisals were going, it was always hard on Dixie having to go down competency routes with certain Paramedics who were not up to the job, she always took it personally and would question her own skills as the boss. She would ask Jeff is she had let them down in some way; he would always do her best to reassure her she was wrong. 'Holby control to 3008.'  
'3008 go ahead.'  
'RTC on Holby Interchange, car versus crash barrier, male driver trapped and a female passenger wondering across the carriage way. Reports of another vehicle involved.'  
'3008 all received and mobile over.' Jeff clipped the radio back onto his belt as he started the engine waiting for Tamzin to close the doors and join him. He hadn't really spoken to her since their shift started, but, he was already getting fed up with her constant need to try and touch him. He was starting to wonder how much more he could take before he told her to stop. 'You take the one in the car Tamzin, I am going to check out the other vehicle.' Jeff instructed as he jumped out the ambulance grabbing his kit.

Tamzin watched Jeff race over to the other car, she admired his body, for a man in his early forties, he was extremely good looking, she wondered what he saw in Dixie and why he was so intent to ignore her. Now was the perfect time to put her plan into action, she would be alone treating a male patient, time to put Jeff's protective nature of women to the test.

Tamzin's scream was enough to stop Jeff dead in his tracks; he had collared the other casualty and had just placed an oxygen mask on his face as he raced up the bank to Tamzin. He could see her struggling with the other casualty, she was clearly distressed. 'Tamzin, hey, are you all right?' Jeff asked as he approached the pair, as soon as she saw him approaching, Tamzin dropped the collar and ran straight to Jeff wrapping her arms around him burying her head into his chest mock sobbing into it. She felt Jeff hug her back as she continued to pretend cry taking in his scent and comfort of his strong arms. This was all too short lived as he pulled away walking over to the male casualty to find out what was going on. 'He threatened me Jeff; he touched me and freaked me out. I was only trying to collar him and he just lashed out at me.' Tamzin spat out hurriedly as Jeff tried to calm the situation down. Jeff turned to face Tamzin,

'Go and sit in the ambulance Princess and take some deep breaths, we will sort this out, don't you worry.' Tamzin nodded turning on her heel walking away slowly maintaining the appearance of being distraught but smiling to herself, her plan was well and truly in motion, all she had to do was play vulnerable some more when they wrote their statements. Jeff would be in her bed by the end of the day, she was certain of it.

Jeff wasn't quite sure what had gone on back at the RTC, the male casualty claimed he never laid a finger on Tamzin while Jeff was treating him in the back of the ambulance, he claimed she was the one being rude and aggressive towards him, Jeff didn't know what to think, all he knew was he had to write his statement based on what he knew, what he saw.  
'What you writing?' Tamzin asked as she walked into the Rec room.  
'My pre-emptive statement.'  
'What are you going to say on it?' Tamzin asked making sure her voice sounded shaky for added impact as she took the seat next to Jeff.  
'I don't know Tamzin, something doesn't add up, are you sure you are remembering it all correctly?' Jeff asked. He didn't want her to think he didn't believe what she said, but he had to be sure. Dixie would go over the statements with a fine tooth comb and if it turned out he had written something down incorrectly, he would be for the high jump. 'Jeff, I am not lying to you, he was aggressive towards me, threatened to hurt me and touched me. He really scared me Jeff.' Tamzin was openly crying now, she wasn't holding back. All the time she maintained eye contact with Jeff seeing how he would react, it pleased her to see his concerned look, she was succeeding. 'OK, I believe you Tamzin.' Jeff said quietly as he picked up his pen once more. Tamzin moved off the chair to give Jeff a hug.  
'Thank you Jeff, that means so much to me.' Now was her perfect opportunity.

Dixie had just written up the last of the appraisals, Jason had left some time ago telling her he would be back in the morning to complete the appraisals with her. She wondered what kind of day Jeff had had without her; she had been so busy that she hadn't seen or heard from him in nearly 12 hours. Deciding she needed a coffee, Dixie made her way to the Rec room. As she got to the archway, she stopped dead in her tracks, mouth hanging open at what she was seeing in front of her. She couldn't move, she was rooted to the spot, tears streaming down her face. She tried to talk but nothing came out. Dixie couldn't comprehend the scene in front of her; it was ripping her heart in two. Jeff was sat on the chair with his back to her, Tamzin had her arms around him, their lips were locked in a rather passionate kiss. Dixie started to feel sick, her Jeffrey, her precious Jeffrey was kissing Tamzin, her worst fears had become a reality. Tears streaming hard down her face, Dixie ran back to her office closing the door behind her sinking to the floor sobbing uncontrollably.

'What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?' Jeff shouted as he pushed Tamzin away from him causing her to stumble back into the corner of the breakfast bar.  
'Come on Jeff, you know you want me, you know you enjoyed that.' Tamzin said rubbing her side and edging towards Jeff again. He had, by this time, jumped off his seat and was moving away from her. 'Why the hell would I want you?'  
'I am younger, thinner and better looking than the woman you call your wife. I can pleasure you in ways she can't and go for longer.'  
'How dare you speak like that about my wife. You may be younger but you are no looker Tamzin. Dixie is twice the person you are and I love her with all my heart and soul. How dare you think you have any chance with me?'  
Tamzin stood there in utter shock, no man had ever rejected her advances, this was a first and she didn't like it. Jeff was standing there in a state of shock, had she really just kissed him? What was he going to do now? Worry and fear consumed him; he needed to get out of there and quickly. He felt the all too familiar pounding in his head as he started to lose the sight in his right eye, he had worked himself up so much, a migraine had started. 'You are an evil woman Tamzin, thinking you could play on my sensitive side to take advantage; I could do you for sexual harassment.'  
'But you wouldn't, who would believe you Jeff? Let's face it, how would you explain that allegation to your wife? Would she believe you? You have cheated once before.' Jeff knew she was right, would Dixie believe him? What would she say if she knew? He couldn't tell her, Tamzin had him over a barrel, he knew it and so did she. He couldn't take it any more, he needed some pain relief, he needed to get out of there and that is what he did. Tamzin smiled to herself, although her plan to bed Jeff had not been a success, she had seen Dixie appear in the doorway, she knew she had seen them, which in itself was enough, she had succeeded in breaking them up. If she couldn't have Jeff, no one else would either.

Dixie spent the best part of the next hour composing herself before she joined Jeff in the car, he had text her to tell her he was waiting for her whenever she was ready. She honestly didn't know what she was going to say to him would she confront him about it? Dixie decided to play dumb and see how Jeff was with her, if he admitted to it himself, they had a chance of working through it, if he didn't say anything, there was something wrong. The couple spent the rest of the night as normal; no one would ever believe that there was something wrong. Jeff was a little quiet, but, that was due to the thumping headache that pounded his skull, Dixie, on the other hand, cuddled up to her husband in front of the TV before they both went up to bed. 'Shall we sleep in my room tonight Jeff?' Dixie asked as they got to the top of the stairs.  
'Can do, I will be in in a minute.' Jeff replied as he went into his own room shutting the door behind him.  
Dixie stood in the hallway for a couple of seconds before heading into her own room. She needed to know if Jeff was cheating on her, it was killing her inside. Every time she closed her eyes she could see Jeff kissing Tamzin and it scared her to think he was playing away. She changed into her pyjamas and got into her bed; she had just got herself comfortable when Jeff walked in, turning out the light and getting in beside her. As soon as he was lying down, Dixie moved over to him. She studied his features before leaning in to kiss him. Dixie licked at his lips as Jeff slowly opened his mouth allowing her to caress his tongue with hers. Dixie was getting lost in the moment of kissing her husband as her hand started to wander around his chest lightly stroking his nipple as she worked lower.

Jeff let out a small moan into her mouth as they continued to kiss, as much as he was enjoying this and on any other occasion he would have had her on her back by now, the migraine wasn't going away. He slowly pulled out of the kiss and placed his hand on top of hers looking into her eyes once more. 'Night Princess, sleep well.' With that Jeff gave Dixie a small kiss before turning on his side trying to focus on sleep rather than the sickening throb in his head.

Dixie looked on as her husband turned away from her. She felt rejected. Dixie's heart filled with sadness once more, Jeff was cheating on her if he didn't want to make love to her. Dixie could feel fresh tears forming in her own eyes as she lay on her side away from Jeff, she didn't feel like cuddling up to him if he was going to reject her. This morning had been so perfect; their love making had been intense and passionate, but so perfect. The mood had taken them totally by surprise that they didn't use any protection. Now, she was on her own, Jeff no longer wanted her, he wanted Tamzin. Those fated words echoed in Dixie's ears once more as she cried herself to sleep, 'if a man cheats once, he will do it again.'


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and olivia. c. king1 for your reviews and welcome to Carlykinz, thank you for the review. Enjoy the chapter everyone.  
**

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**Chapter Twenty.**

Dixie had woken up after a night of restless sleep and dreams of Jeff telling her that he was leaving her for Tamzin and he wanted a divorce. She'd spent the past hour or so trying to apply reason to what she had seen but it wasn't working, all she could think of was that Jeff didn't want her now, that he wanted Tamzin instead. How long would it be before he left her? She wanted to go upstairs and curl up next to Jeff but she didn't want to face his rejection of her the way she'd had to last night. Dixie shivered, the heating had gone off some time ago but she didn't have the strength or the will to get up and turn it back on. She looked at Little Abs lying by her feet, he seemed to know that she was upset. 'You won't leave me or stop loving me, will you?' Little Abs looked at her with his deep brown eyes and rested his head against her legs. 'Of course you won't.' Dixie felt the sadness start to eat away at her heart, was this what heartbreak felt like?

Jeff woke up and found himself alone, Dixie's side of the bed was cold so she must have been gone a while. His migraine had gone and he was feeling like himself again, he thought over what happened yesterday and cringed at the memory of Tamzin kissing him, she wasn't Dixie that's for certain. He remembered kissing Dixie and then having to stop because the migraine was just too bad, he also remembered Dixie not cuddling up to him like she usually did. Had he unintentionally upset her by stopping the kiss? Maybe he should have explained why he had stopped kissing her. Jeff also vaguely remembered hearing Dixie tossing and turning during the night. He got out of the bed, he was going to have to find Dixie and explain his actions. Jeff decided that he was going to tell her about the kiss too, it was best to get it out in the open.

Dixie stared vacantly out the window, the grief over losing Jeff was consuming her, what would she do when he left? How was she going to live without him? Was there anything she could have done to stop this happening? All manner of thoughts were flowing through her mind one after the other and she wished that they would stop, she didn't want to think any more. She barely heard Jeff coming into the kitchen, she didn't look at him, she couldn't look at him. 'Dixie.' Jeff was stood behind her, she felt the warmth of his body and she wanted to beg him to hold her and never let her go. Dixie felt Jeff's hand on her arm and she pulled it away quickly. 'Dix, you're freezing, why didn't you put the heating on?' She heard Jeff move away and the boiler come on, he'd obviously switched the heating back on. 'Dixie, what's wrong?' Jeff sat by her and she met his eyes for the first time since he'd entered the room. 'Princess, what's the matter?'

'I saw you.'

'What do you mean princess?'

'Don't call me that. I saw you kissing Tamzin.' Jeff's mouth fell open and he looked down at the floor. 'How could you? Everything you said to me, that I was beautiful, that I was the only one you wanted, was it all a lie?'

'No, Dixie, it wasn't a lie. She kissed me, I pushed her away. I didn't kiss her back.'

'You're just saying that because you got caught.'

'I'm not, Dixie please, you have to believe me.'

'Do I? You've cheated once before.'

'That's different.'

'How is it?'

'Lucy started cheating on me long before I did the same.'

'That doesn't make it right Jeff.' Dixie got up and moved away from Jeff, she couldn't be near him right now.

Jeff watched Dixie move away from him as if she couldn't stand to be near him. 'I can't believe you would do this to me, after everything we've been through and faced together and you allow your head to be turned by someone younger.'

'How many times do I have to say this, I didn't want to kiss her, she kissed me.' Jeff felt himself getting angry, why was Dixie so intent on believing the worst about him? 'What is it you want me to say Dixie?'

'The truth.'

'It is the truth.'

'Really.'

'Yes, what do you want me to say Dixie, that I enjoyed it, that I kissed her, that I wanted her?'

'I want you to tell me the truth Jeffrey.'

'I am telling you the truth you silly cow, you're just too stubborn to believe it.'

'A silly cow am I? Maybe I am for ever believing that you loved me.'

'I do love you.'

'You've got a funny way of showing it.'

'Dixie, I did not kiss Tamzin, for fucks sake.' Jeff could feel himself getting angry, how was he supposed to prove to Dixie that he loved her?

Dixie didn't know what to believe, Jeff seemed insistent on saying that he didn't kiss Tamzin, she had seen it with her own eyes, had she been deceived? 'I should have stayed a lesbian,' she muttered to herself.

'Really Dixie, look how well that turned out.'

'I don't know what you mean.'

'Cyd, you remember her, you were in love with her. What happened to her?'

'Don't say it.'

'Oh yes, she left, she didn't want you, did she?' Dixie felt as if she'd been slapped in the face, she'd told him all about Cyd and now he was using it against her. 'She ran as fast as she could away from you and you've not had a successful relationship since.'

'Screw you Jeff, as if you can say anything about successful relationships. Your whole marriage to Lucy was based on lies and cheating. You screwed around with one woman after another. Don't lecture me about successful relationships because you do not have that authority. No wonder she left and went to London, she left to get away from you.'

'What do you know?'

'I know everything, by the time your marriage came to an end she hated you and she found comfort in the arms of another man. I can see why, did you kiss other women in front of her or is it just me you chose to do that to?' Jeff was quiet and Dixie took that as proof it was just her he had done it to. 'No wonder Lucy took the kids with her.'

'Leave my kids out of this.'

'You brought Cyd into it.'

'That is different and you know it.'

'Is it? I loved her and you love them. How does it feel knowing that they call another man dad and that he is there when you're not?' Dixie saw the anger Jeff's eyes and she moved back from him as she saw him raise his hand as if he was going to hit her.

Jeff was unaware of what he was doing until his hand nearly reached Dixie's face, he stopped himself just in time and put his hand down. He saw the fear in Dixie's eyes and he immediately felt ashamed of himself, he had never raised a hand to a woman before in his life. He quickly left the kitchen and went to his own room, he leaned his head against the wall and tried to work out what had just happened between himself and Dixie. Jeff replayed the scene in his head but it kept coming back to the memory of Dixie looking scared of him as he raised his hand to her. He was so ashamed of his actions, tears ran down his face, how could he have thought of hitting her? He wanted to go to Dixie and hold her, beg for her forgiveness but he didn't feel worthy of it. He had almost done something completely unforgivable. He wondered what kind of a man that made him. Jeff sat down on his bed and cried into the pillow that Dixie had used, had he just spoiled everything that he had with the woman he loved?

Dixie sat at the table with her head in her hands, what had just happened? She was feeling shaky, Jeff had gone to hit her, she didn't think that he would ever do anything like that to her. He had stopped himself but it was the anger in his eyes that she remembered; he'd never looked at her like that before. The argument had got out of hand, she shouldn't have brought up his kids, she knew how sensitive he was about the kids and the fact that they were living with another man. She rested her head against the table and let her tears flow free, what if Jeff had been telling the truth, she had accused him of lying to her and wanting to be with someone else. Could they survive this? Dixie was sure of one thing, she didn't want Jeff to leave, she still loved him, she needed him. She wanted to go up there and talk to Jeff but she thought that they needed some space from each other to think through everything that had just happened. Maybe working with someone other than Jeff would help her to think. Dixie sighed, what would happen to them now?

Jeff sat up and wiped his eyes, he was still feeling so very ashamed of himself and how he'd almost lost his temper. He stood up and walked around his room, how could he look Dixie in the eye now? He loved her so much and yet he'd lost his temper so easily. How would they get through working together for the next twelve hours? Jeff closed his eyes, how had everything gone so wrong in such a short space of time? Jeff turned around when he heard the door close, he looked out of the window and saw Dixie leave the house with her coat on and her bag with her uniform in. He just watched her as she walked down the street. 'Dixie, I'm sorry princess,' he whispered. 'My Dixie, are you still my Dixie?' Jeff wished that she would turn around, he wanted to run after her and beg her to come back but he couldn't, he was rooted to the spot and watching her walk away from him.

Dixie decided to walk to work early, the fresh air would clear her mind and help her to think, she walked absent-mindedly until she reached the station. She kept her head down and ignored anyone that spoke to her, she just needed to be alone. Dixie closed the door once she was in her office, she sat in her chair and looked at the pictures on her desk, she had a copy of a picture of herself and Jeff on their wedding day. She picked it up and looked at it, they were so happy, how had everything gone so wrong? Was it since they became a proper couple? Had they spoiled their friendship and relationship by taking it one step further? She stood up and went to get changed, no matter what was happening in her personal life, she still had a job to do.

Jeff arrived at the station, he saw Dixie walking through the garage and into the changing rooms, he decided to go to the rec room and get himself something to drink. He hadn't worked out what he wanted to say to Dixie or how he was going to apologise to her. Jeff just wanted to go to Dixie, have her hold him and tell him that everything was going to be all right. He couldn't bring himself to do it, he was so sure that she hated him and didn't want to see him now. Jeff went and got himself changed, he hoped that Dixie would come to him when she was ready and they would talk everything through. He knew that he wouldn't feel right until he'd had the chance to talk to Dixie and beg for her forgiveness. He just hoped that they would be able to talk properly and it wouldn't end up in them arguing again.

* * *

**:(**


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 Carlykinz for your reviews, we like reading them. Enjoy...**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One.**

ONE MESSAGE RECEIVED  
SENDER : DIXIE COLLIER  
MESSAGE : Change to the rotas today, Ally & Will, Jeff & Stevie, Norman & me.

Jeff stared at his phone in amazement, he knew Dixie needed some time after their argument at home but pairing him with someone else for the day was one step too far. The fact she had told him by text was another thing, that one action spoke volumes to him and he was not happy. He knew he had said some hurtful things to Dixie, but, so had she to him. He had brought Cyd into it and she had brought his children into it. It didn't stop him feeling guilty about raising his hand to her; he could still see the absolute fear in her eyes as his hand got closer to her face. Her beautiful face, how could I even think about hurting her beautiful face? Jeff took a few deep breaths, he needed to see Dixie and talk to her, he couldn't go a whole 12 hour shift without speaking to her.

ONE MESSAGE RECEIVED  
SENDER: DIXIE COLLIER  
MESSAGE: Your performance appraisal is at 1pm with Jason.  
Jeff stared at his phone once again, was she really only communicating with him via text message today? This had to stop and it had to stop right now, Jeff always hated it when they fought. He knew she was punishing him, he could understand it for raising his hand to her, but, he wasn't going to let her punish him for something he didn't do. He placed his phone back into his pocket before storming off in the direction of his wife's office. He was going to have this out with her no matter what.

Dixie held her head in her hands; she couldn't face Jeff after this morning. She was hurting so much that she needed some space from him. Dixie continued to replay his rejection, his harsh words about Cyd and the fact that she was so close to getting a hiding from him in her head tears flowing freely from her eyes. She had given Jeff everything she had and this is how it ended up. 'You bloody coward, you couldn't even tell me face to face. What sort of person does that?' Jeff ranted slamming the door shut behind him making Dixie jump looking up into his eyes. 'Someone who is hurting.' She replied quietly. Jeff looked into her eyes, those lovely deep blue eyes he thought. He could see she was hurting and he knew he had caused that, but, she didn't believe him. He wanted to apologise for what he said and hold her tight but he was cross with her cowardice.

Dixie continued to look at her husband; she could sense he was cross. Was he not hurting as well? She couldn't understand why he hadn't taken her into his arms and held her tightly. Why hasn't he told me he loves me? Jeff's silence spoke volumes, he doesn't want me any more. Dixie's heart was being torn apart, her worst fears were becoming a reality, Jeff promised her that they wouldn't break up, that nothing would topple their friendship if they entered into a relationship, he lied. Dixie got up from her chair walking around her desk to the door, she wanted to get out and start work, but, Jeff was blocking her path. 'Excuse me please' Dixie said, she couldn't believe how much she was shaking. 'No, we need to talk.' Jeff returned rather coldly.  
'I don't think there is anything else to say.'  
'There is so much we need to say Dix. I am telling you the truth Princess, I pushed her away.'  
'You are just saying that.'  
'Why don't you believe me? Do I not mean anything to you?' Jeff had raised his voice slightly, Dixie was being stubborn and silly, he knew in his heart of hearts he pushed Tamzin away and told her he only wanted Dixie. He couldn't understand, after everything they had been through over the years, that Dixie didn't believe him.

'YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME JEFF COLLIER, THAT'S WHY I AM HURTING SO BLOODY MUCH RIGHT NOW. YOU TOLD ME I WAS BEAUTIFUL, THE ONLY ONE FOR YOU, THAT YOU WOULD NEVER HURT ME OR LEAVE ME AND YOU BROKE THOSE PROMISES TO ME. YOU DROPPED ME THE SECOND SOMEONE YOUNGER CAME ALONG.' Dixie shouted at her husband, tears visibly flowing freely down her face, she made no attempt to stop them or wipe them away, she was hurting. Dixie wanted so much to believe Jeff was telling the truth, but, Tamzin was right, once a man cheats he does it again and again. Dixie thought she was a fool for believing Jeff in the first place. 'DIX, HOW MANY MORE BLOODY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU, I PUSHED HER AWAY, I REJECTED HER.' Dixie looked up into his eyes, she really didn't know what to think or say, all she knew was that this wasn't the time or the place. She needed to compose herself before heading out to find Norman, Jeff had brought their personal life into work once before and it ended up with them being the talk of the station, she didn't want that happening again. 'We have a job to do Jeff.' Dixie said as calmly as she could moving once more to leave her office 'I DON'T FUCKING CARE, WE ARE GOING TO TALK AND WE ARE GOING TO DO IT NOW.'  
'YOU ARE BEING UNPROFESSIONAL JEFFREY.'  
'HA, YOU HAVE SOME BLOODY NERVE WOMAN YOU REALLY DO. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL ME UNPROFESSIONAL, YOU ARE SUCH A HYPOCRITE.'  
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? I AM A BLOODY PROFESSIONAL JEFFREY.'  
'REALLY? YOU CERTAINLY FOOLED ME THEN. LET ME SEE, YOU ARE SO BLOODY PROFESSIONAL THAT YOU KISSED ME HARD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STATION, SCREWED ME IN THE BACK OF THE AMBULANCE MID SHIFT. SHALL I CARRY ON? I THINK SO, REMEMBER SAMMY MALONE, THE KID YOU MOWED DOWN BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT PAYING ATTENTION. SO, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO LECTURE ME ON PROFESSIONALISM DO YOU?'  
'Stop it Jeffrey.' Dixie said, voice barely whispering but shaking uncontrollably.  
'Touched a nerve have I?' Jeff retorted looking down at his wife who was now staring at the floor.  
'PLEASE JUST STOP IT JEFF'  
'Why? You were more than willing to throw hurtful comments at me this morning, more than willing not to believe me, why the fuck should I stop?' Jeff continued to shout at his wife, his anger was consuming him that he failed to see what he was doing to her and the fact that Norman was stood outside witnessing this whole outburst. None of this stopped him, he carried on. 'You know what Dix; maybe I should have kissed her back and fucked her. Like she said, she probably could pleasure me in ways you couldn't and go for a hell of a lot longer than you do.' Dixie's eyes met his instantly, hurt and shock clearly written on her face, had he really said that?

Jeff stared at his wife who had crumbled in front of him, guilt started to consume him once more. For the second time that morning he had said several hurtful things to the person he loves more than life itself. 'I gave you everything Jeff, absolutely everything. You evil, nasty, thoughtless shit Jeffrey Collier. I obviously mean nothing to you any more, so, sod off to her, screw her then as I clearly don't do it for you any more.'  
'Maybe I just will then.' Jeff spat as he left Dixie standing in her office storming straight passed Norman who backed away quickly not wanting Jeff to know he had heard absolutely everything.

Norman was a sweet man, not many people could stand working a whole 12 hour shift with him, but Dixie could. He never understood their relationship when he first started working at Holby, he can remember trying to work it out. He had seen them grow as a couple since they started sleeping with each other and he was happy for them, Dixie seemed happier, he couldn't stand to see her upset. Dixie was his boss, his friend, he was determined to help her through this with Jeff and get them to see sense sooner rather than later. Dixie didn't know how long she had been standing there before she heard a light knock on her door. Time had stood still, Jeff's words hung around the room repeating themselves to her over and over again. 'Dix, are you okay?' Norman asked sympathetically. Dixie didn't answer Norman; she just didn't know what to say. Norman sensed she was struggling so gingerly walked up to her taking her into his arms holding her tight as she cried into his shoulder. He wasn't Jeff but she needed to be held right now and if Jeff no longer loved her, Norman would always be there to comfort her. Never in her wildest dreams did Dixie think she would be seeking comfort from the walking Wikipedia that is Norman.

Jeff and Dixie did a pretty good job of avoiding each other for the entirety of their shift, Norman made sure their paths never crossed. As the day progressed, Jeff continued to replay his harsh words to Dixie over in his head. He couldn't believe he had told her he would go and sleep with Tamzin, that he had brought up the whole Sammy Malone incident to hurt her even more. Every time her ambulance arrived back in the station, Jeff would glance over to see Norman helping her out and holding her close to him, Dixie was really hurting. It upset Jeff greatly that Norman was comforting his wife, it should have been him who held Dixie close to him, but after what he said, Jeff felt guilty. I don't deserve her, he thought to himself.

The end of the shift came, Jeff looked on as Dixie walked out if the ambulance bay with her head down. He could tell she was gravely upset and he knew his words caused that. Jeff didn't fancy going home just yet, he knew Dixie needed some time and so did he. Jeff needed to think of what he was going to do to make it up to her but short of Tamzin telling Dixie the truth, he was out of ideas.

Jeff soon found himself alone in the corner of the pub staring at his glass of coke thinking about Dixie and what she was doing right now. He wouldn't blame her if she was packing up his stuff to throw him out, but, he hoped she wasn't. No one came over to talk to him; everyone kept their distance, apart from Norman. 'Jeff may I join you?'  
'Are you sure you want to after what I have done?'  
'I know I don't really have much of an authority on marriages and relationships, but, I can see how much you two need each other.'  
'You didn't hear what I said to her.'  
'I did Jeff, what you said to her was unacceptable, how you left her was unacceptable, but, you need to make this right for all our sakes Jeff. Go home, be with her, hold her close and tell her you love her.' Jeff nodded at Norman, he was indeed a sweet man and he was glad he was there to comfort Dixie; Jeff wouldn't trust her with anyone else.  
'Thanks for being there for her today Norm. I appreciate it.' Norman raised a small smile as Jeff drank the contents of his glass before leaving the pub heading home to his Dixie.

Dixie lay in her bed hugging the pillows that Jeff normally would use; she could still smell his scent on them. She looked around her room, Jeff had left some of his belongings in there from the night before, she continued to hold the pillows tight to her as she cried into them. She barely heard the front door close and Jeff's footsteps on the stairs, but, she could feel his presence outside her bedroom door, she knew he was there.

Jeff stood outside her bedroom, he knew she was in there as the rest of the house was quiet and his own room was empty. He was relieved his bags were not packed, but was so ashamed of himself and his actions today that he knew Dixie would not welcome him back into her bed. Jeff rested his forehead against the wooden door bringing his left hand up slightly as he put more of his weight on the door. He looked over at his wedding ring and wondered if Dixie was still wearing hers. Dixie stood the other side of the door; she had shuffled quietly out of bed clinging onto Jeff's T Shirt as she mirrored her husband's position. She remained silent, she wanted so much for him to open the door and hold her close. After a few seconds, it was obvious he wasn't going to do that, Dixie felt rejected again moving away from the door climbing back into her bed burying her head in his pillows once more.

Once again, if only she had stayed there for a few more seconds, she would have heard Jeff talk to her. 'My Dixie, my beautiful Dixie, I am so sorry Princess for the things I said to you. You mean the world to me, you are my everything. I love you so much; words will never describe how much of a shit I feel right now for hurting you. Dixie, my Dixie, please forgive me.' Jeff felt tears falling down his face as he talked to the door, 'Sleep well my Princess.' And, with that, he slowly walked into his own room and into his own bed where he would spend the night alone, no Dixie by his side to cuddle up to and hold. Like his wife, Jeff grabbed the pillows that Dixie would have used, crying into them.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and Carlykinz for your reviews, enjoy the chapter everyone.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two.**

Dixie sighed to herself, another night of broken sleep had made her feel tired and cranky, her emotions were already frayed due to Jeff's harsh words yesterday. She drank down some of the coffee that Norman had brought her when she arrived, she really was going to need it to get through the day. She had tried to smile when Norman brought her the coffee but it was as if he knew she was anything but all right. He simply put the coffee down, gave her a hug and then left again, the world moved in mysterious ways but she was grateful for Norman's help and support. Dixie was trying to ignore the pain that was coming from her heart, Jeff's words had gone straight there and she was feeling wounded and hurt. How were they going to get through this? It was the thought that keep popping in to her head, every time it appeared she wasn't able to come up with an answer. She couldn't even talk to Jeff without the conversation ending up in an argument. She'd left for work early again, she couldn't face Jeff and another round of arguing.

Jeff sighed to himself as he parked the ambulance in the bay, he hadn't seen Dixie all morning, she'd been gone when he got up. He was still feeling guilty for everything that he'd said to Dixie yesterday, he'd deliberately chosen the words that he knew would hurt her the most and he was angry at himself for doing it. He noticed that nothing in the kitchen had been moved, she'd obviously not eaten before she went to work, guilt hit him again, it was his fault. Jeff thought quickly and he went to Norman. 'Norman, can you do me a favour?'

'What is it?' Jeff handed him some money. 'What's this for?'

'Dixie hasn't had any breakfast, I need you to buy her a bacon butty and take it to her.'

'Why can't you do it?'

'I just can't, not yet, I need time to think about what I'm going to say to her.'

'Okay, on one condition.'

'Which is?'

'That you put your thoughts in order, talk to Dixie and sort this mess out.'

'I will.'

'Good, I'll get this sorted out.'

'Thanks Norman, don't forget the brown sauce.' Jeff watched Norman leave the bay and head off towards the hospital, at least Dixie would have something to eat now.

Norman came back with the sandwich for Dixie, he went to her office and knocked on the door even though it was slightly open. 'Come in.'

'Hey Dix, I thought you could use this.'

'What is it?'

'A bacon sandwich.'

'I'm all right, thanks though.'

'Are you, I've been hearing your stomach growling all morning.' Norman thought that Dixie still looked tired, she'd obviously struggled to sleep and her emotions were in a mess. He felt very sorry for her, she did her best and was a very good boss. 'I'll just leave it here, in case you want it.'

'Thanks Norman,' he heard Dixie say very quietly as he left her office, he hoped that she would eat it, she really needed food if she was going to get through the day.

Jeff saw Norman coming away from Dixie's office and he went over to him right away. 'Did she eat it?'

'I'm not sure, she said she was fine, I think she will though.'

'Thanks mate.'

'Just keep your end of the bargain, get down on your hands and knees and grovel if you have to.' Norman walked off and Jeff just stared after him, the normally mild mannered paramedic had just said something that Jeff thought he would never hear from him. Jeff was surprised, he knew that everyone liked Dixie and they were proving it now, he'd seen the disapproving looks that he'd been getting from those that were working today. Maybe more people had heard the argument he'd had with Dixie yesterday than he thought, Stevie had been cold with him and only talked when he had to. Jeff sighed, he really was going to have to make it up with Dixie before everyone decided that they hated him and he ended up on his own. How was he going to make it up to her, he'd said some very horrible things to Dixie, how was he going to make it better?

Dixie kept looking at the bacon butty that Norman had brought her, she'd been doing that for five minutes when she gave in, unwrapped it and bit into it, she was hungry. She savoured the taste of the bacon, it even had brown sauce on it. She still felt the pain of all the arguing she had been doing with Jeff but she knew they were going to have to talk about it sooner or later. Would they argue again or would they talk it through and apologise to each other? Was she responsible for Sammy Malone and what happened to her? Was Jeff right, was she unprofessional? She was thinking when someone else knocked on her door, Stevie walked in and she looked at him. 'Dixie, I've got a bit of a problem.'

'What is it?'

'My youngest daughter isn't very well, the school has just phoned me and they want me to go and pick her up.'

'Okay, you should go, your little girl needs you.'

'Thanks Dixie.'

'No problem Stevie.' Stevie went out again and Dixie sighed, it wasn't Stevie's fault that his little girl was ill but now she was going to have to work with Jeff or they'd be a crew down. Were they ready to work together? Dixie wasn't certain, it might be a long time before she was ready to face Jeff again but she had no choice, her work must come before her personal feelings right now.

Jeff sat in the ambulance, he was trying to work out how he was going to make it up with Dixie and in truth he was drawing a blank. He looked up and saw Stevie coming towards him dressed in his own clothes. 'Stevie, where are you going?'

'To pick up my little girl.'

'Oh.' Stevie carried on walking, Jeff wondered who he would be working with now that Stevie had left. It was at that moment his radio went off with an incoming shout. 'Holby control to 3006.' He wasn't sure if he should pick up the call or not, what was he going to do without a partner? '3006 receiving.' Dixie answered the call from just behind him, obviously she was working with him now, she got into the driver's seat as control filled her in on the shout. 'Male with stab wound to the abdomen after being attacked, police are already on scene, Rockfield Terrace, Farmead Estate.'

'All received and mobile.' Jeff got into the ambulance and fastened the seat belt across his middle, Dixie hadn't even looked at him or spoke to him once since she'd answered the call from control.

Jeff took the time to look at Dixie as she drove, she looked tired, her complexion was pale and her eyes were dull, there was no sign of their usual sparkle. He felt so very guilty for doing this to her, she was coping but only just. Jeff had heard the strain in Dixie's voice when she'd been talking to control, she was having a bad day and he knew it was all his fault. Dixie pulled up and she jumped out of the ambulance without a word, she picked up the kit and ran over to where the police were waiting for them. 'What have got?'

'Some of his mates told us that there'd been an argument with a rival gang and they stabbed him before running off.'

'Okay, thanks, what's his name?'

'Danny.'

'Cheers.' Jeff just stood by as Dixie looked at the patient. 'Danny, Danny can you hear me?' There was no answer from him, she checked his pulse. 'Very weak, we need to get him in. Jeffrey get the trolley.'

'Right.' He thought it best to just do as she asked and went to the ambulance to get the trolley out of the back.

Dixie turned to the young police officer by her side. 'When I tell you I want to take the towel off his wound. Ready?'

'Yes.'

'Okay now.' Dixie quickly replaced the towel with a wound dressing, Danny's injuries were bad and Dixie wasn't sure he would survive. Whoever it was that stabbed him knew what they were doing an had gone for the area that would do the most damage. She would do her best for him no matter what. Dixie quickly lifted Danny onto the trolley and got him into the ambulance, she went in the back with him and carried on working, putting a line in and linking him up to the monitor in the back, she was barely aware of Jeff starting the engine and driving towards the hospital, she had become instantly focused on her patient, he was the only one that mattered right now. She kept on working on him right until they reached the hospital, his heart had stopped and she was giving him compressions.

The team was waiting for them and she started the handover as they were rushing through the corridors. 'This is Danny Williams, twenty-two, stabbed in the lower right abdomen, GCS of five to begin with which dropped to three on route, he's had two litres of saline and five of morphine. Danny went into cardiac arrest two minutes ago.'

'Thanks Dixie,' Sam said and started giving orders to the team around her, they transferred him to the bed and Tess took over the compressions. Dixie started wheeling the trolley back out to the ambulance and she put it inside, putting the breaks on. She was aware of Jeff sat in the passenger seat and the increasingly uncomfortable silence that was filling the small space. Dixie started the engine and drove the ambulance back to the station, she parked it neatly in the space and turned off the engine. Dixie put the keys on the dashboard and then unclipped her seatbelt. 'Restock the ambulance Jeffrey, there are a few things we need more of. Don't forget to lock the drugs cabinet.'

'But Dixie...'

'Just do it, I am in no mood for arguing with you right now.' Dixie left before Jeff could say anything else, she hoped that he would do as she asked.

Jeff restocked the ambulance on autopilot, his thoughts were of Dixie and how she'd barely spoken to him all day. Two sentences, that was all, usually they didn't stop talking. He put everything back as it should be and then put the keys to the ambulance in his pocket. Jeff went to the rec room and got himself a drink, he sat at one of the tables and drank it slowly. He was still drinking it when Dixie came into the room. 'Jeffrey, come with me.' Jeff looked at Dixie and then followed her out of the rec room and to the ambulance. She stopped at the back doors and looked inside. 'What did I specifically ask you to do?'

'Restock the ambulance.'

'And?'

'Lock the drugs cabinet.'

'Does that cabinet look locked to you Jeffrey?'

'No.'

'Right.' Dixie walked off towards her office and Jeff followed her, he had a feeling that he was for the high jump.

Dixie closed the door behind Jeff and sat in her chair. 'Why can't you do the simplest task that I ask you to do? I asked you to make sure that the drugs cabinet was locked, anyone could have got into it and taken the morphine out of there.'

'We're in the station if you had forgotten, who is going to steal it?'

'In the station or not, that cabinet has to be locked, you know as well as I do that there are plenty of drug addicts around here that would take the risk just to get their fix. I could have you disciplined.'

'Really, why would that be Kathleen?' Dixie flinched at the use of her first name.

'For not securing drugs properly.'

'No, what's the real reason?'

'That is the real reason.'

'Is it, or is the reason that you're pissed off with me, that you're angry at me and disciplining me will make you feel better. If that is what you want then go ahead, report me.'

'I am pissed off with you because you can't do your job properly.'

'Why don't you tell me why you're really angry, what is it that has really got you so wound up?'

'I am sick to death of covering you, of picking up the pieces when you fuck up.'

'I fuck up do I? You're not without your own faults Kathleen Collier or had you forgotten?'

'No, I haven't forgotten because you threw it in my face yesterday.' Dixie fought to keep her composure, she hated arguing but it was happening again.

Jeff felt himself getting angry, Dixie was completely overreacting to the situation. 'You're being pathetic Kathleen, we all know this is because you're just jealous that someone else finds me attractive, someone that isn't you.'

'I am not jealous.'

'Really, you've been acting like a schoolgirl with a little crush and then crying because someone else happens to fancy the guy that you do.'

'Fuck you Jeff, I gave you everything and this is how you repay me, you go and kiss someone else and then raise your hand to me. Do I mean nothing to you?' Jeff stayed silent, he was trying to keep his anger under control. 'I see, at least I know how you really feel about me.'

'You are turning it around to suit yourself, just like you always do. It is hard to care for you when you're acting like this.'

'Acting like what?'

'Pathetic and immature.'

'Pathetic?'

'Right now, yes you are.'

'I would say it was pathetic snogging a younger woman.'

'So we're back to that again are we?'

'Do you honestly think that she would have stayed with you when you got older, let's face it, you're already going bald and have some extra weight around your middle.'

'Really? You're not exactly a looker yourself, are you Kathleen? I think you're with me because nobody else will have you, nobody wants a woman that is over the hill and could stand to lose a few pounds because she eats far too much chocolate and junk food.' Jeff saw the tears start to pour down Dixie's cheeks and he knew he'd gone too far.

'Get out.'

'Dixie...'

'I said get out.'

'Come on Dixie...'

'Get the fuck out before I throw you out.' Half of Dixie words were masked by her tears, she looked heartbroken. Jeff decided to leave, he was only making things worse by being there, he heard the door to Dixie's office slam shut behind him and he curled his hands into fists, what had he been thinking of insulting Dixie's weight like that? He knew she was sensitive about her weight and looks, he had made her believe she was beautiful and now he had destroyed that with one thoughtless comment, Jeff hung his head in shame, he was feeling even worse now.

Dixie rested her head against her desk, Jeff had once told her she was beautiful, she knew now that it had all been a lie. Was it a lie he told her just to get her into bed? She felt her heart crumble and break just a little bit more. Jeff's words about her appearance ran through her mind, they were all she could think about. He'd called her fat and old and he was right, she was past it and nobody wanted her now, not even the man she used to call her best friend. Dixie felt more tears running down her face, she had never felt as unloved as she did now. She wished that she'd never agreed to start being a proper married couple with Jeff, it had ruined everything. Dixie wanted to turn back time to the night they had first slept together, if she hadn't got tipsy and lost control of herself then they would be still be friends, this was all her fault.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews, another chapter for you.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three.**

Jeff sat alone in the Rec room replaying the last argument in his head once more. He didn't feel like sitting on the sofa or chairs, instead he was sat on the floor in the corner right up against the wall. His anger and temper always seemed to land him into trouble; it had done in the past. He thought about all the other times he had lost his patience with people when he was having a bad day and how Dixie was always there to get him back on track. He needed her after the college shootings, after the divorce from Lucy and during the custody battle for his children. She had been there for him throughout it all, holding him when he cried and making him laugh. Where had it all gone wrong? Jeff knew the answer to this – Tamzin. Bloody Tamzin he thought to himself.

Jeff knew he shouldn't have said what he did to Dixie, he knew how self-conscious she was about her body, the body he had told her was perfect, the body he loved so much. He also knew that throwing comments about Cyd and Sammy Malone at her was unforgivable like so many other things he had done over the last two days. Jeff stared at his right hand, the right hand he raised to her face yesterday, the right hand that came millimetres from causing her physical pain. He still couldn't believe he had done that, not to her. Jeff closed his eyes but all he could see was Dixie's scared face as his hand nearly touched it, he knew he was angry, but, why had it taken such a dramatic turn? How had it ended up in him nearly beating his best friend, his wife, his lover?

One thing kept on coming back to him through all this, Dixie didn't believe him. Why doesn't she believe me, he thought to himself. Jeff knew his track record spoke volumes, but, with Dixie it was different, he hadn't even considered anyone else but her. Dixie's mistrusting of him, her not believing him hurt Jeff more than anything, more than the harsh words he had thrown at her. Will we ever get through this?

Jeff stared at the wedding ring on his left hand, this marriage meant so much to him, he had never realised it at the time, but, as the years went on, this marriage meant everything and more to him. Jeff reflected on when he asked Dixie to be his wife for real, he remembered the day well, she was feeling embarrassed over night of drunken passion, but, he wasn't. Jeff felt fresh tears form in his own eyes as he remembered what he had said to her, what he had promised her. Jeff had told Dixie that by them entering into a real relationship, it would not affect or break what they had. He promised her they would be fine and he wouldn't let it happen. It had happened. It was happening.

For the first time in his life Jeff was scared, terrified at losing Dixie, terrified of what was going to happen next. He knew he shouldn't have said all those hurtful things to her, he would have to apologise for that, but, if she didn't trust him, didn't believe him, what did the future hold for the pair of them? 'We have a shout.' Dixie said coldly as she walked through the rec room picking up their jackets heading off to their ambulance. Jeff quickly wiped his face and followed her out. The drive was short but silent, you could cut the atmosphere in the ambulance with a knife ten times over and it wouldn't have helped. Dixie pulled up on the side of the park getting out taking a look. 'Bet it's a hoax.' She said as she scanned the play area.  
'Where did they say the patient was?' Jeff asked quietly as he moved to stand by her side.  
'Over by the play equipment.'  
'You wait here then; I will go and have a look.'  
'If you must Jeffrey.' Dixie replied turning on her heel to stand at the back of the ambulance.  
Jeff glanced over at his wife, he could see she was really struggling to hold it together, as was he, but, they had a job to do. Not wanting another argument, Jeff jogged off in the direction of the swings to check it out.

Dixie heard his footsteps on the grass turning to see him move swiftly across the park. She was still hurting wanting more than anything for them to make up, but, she couldn't shake his comments, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't. 'Hello there Girlfriend.'  
Dixie spun around to see a group of 5 or 6 young men surrounding her.  
'I always did fancy a bird in uniform.' One of them said as he moved closer to Dixie. Under any normal circumstances she would have told them to do one by now, but, she just didn't have the energy to fight, she had used it all up hurting over Jeff. 'Oh I don't know about this one mate, she ain't no looker is she?' Another one piped up to a chorus of giggles.  
'Yeah mate, she is well fat and old. Who will have her? Bet she lives on her own.' Dixie could feel herself shaking; she felt her eyes watering as they jeered at her. She wanted to be rescued, wanted to leave, but they had her surrounded and she knew it.

'OI, DO ONE YOU LOT.' Jeff roared as he ran across the park. He had turned around after not finding any casualties to see Dixie being approached by the gang. He saw her back away towards the back of the ambulance looking absolutely terrified. Jeff ran as fast as he could across the park, they may have argued, but, he couldn't stand to see her in any danger. 'Easy mate, we were just having a little chat. Keep your lack of hair on.' One said to choruses of jeering from the rest of them as they walked away. Jeff turned to Dixie, 'Princess, are you OK.' Dixie didn't respond but opened the back of the ambulance climbing in closing the doors behind her.  
Jeff drove them back to the station, Dixie had chosen to sit in the back, she was in the chair behind him so he couldn't see her face. It was killing him inside, all he wanted to do was hold her tight, but she had rejected him. Jeff's heart continued to break as he heard her sniffling from behind him, whatever they said to her must have hurt, and that coupled with his harsh words earlier would not have helped at all.

Once back, Jeff followed Dixie into her office shutting the door gently behind them as she removed her jacket hanging it up on the stand. She hadn't spoken to Jeff but went over to the window looking out. If she didn't show any emotion, he would leave her alone wouldn't he? No. 'Dix, look at me, please babe.' Jeff asked softly placing his hand on her shoulder.  
'I am fine Jeffrey.' Dixie tried to keep her composure, but, feeling Jeff so close behind her, having his warm touch on her shoulder was making it hard for her. 'No you are not Dix I know you. Please look at me Princess.' Jeff continued to ask softly.

Dixie felt new tears fall down her face as she turned to look into Jeff's eyes. What could she see in them? 'Oh babe come here.' Jeff pulled her close to his body holding her tightly as she wept into his chest. He whispered words of comfort into her head as he held her close to him resting his own head on top of hers kissing the top of it.

The couple seemed to be standing there for quite some time holding each other tightly. Jeff was the first to break the silence. 'I am sorry Dix. I shouldn't have said what I did to you, it was uncalled for.' Dixie didn't reply, she didn't know how to, she knew she needed to say sorry for what she had done, but, she couldn't shake the image of Tamzin and him hugging and kissing. 'Is this how you held her?'  
'Aye?'  
'Is this how you held her?'  
'Dix, what do you mean?'  
'When she was upset after the shout, you held her close.'  
'Princess please, I didn't kiss her, I pushed her away, I spent the whole bloody day trying to get away from her.'  
'It didn't look like it from where I was standing.'  
'Why won't you believe me Dix?'  
Dixie pulled away from Jeff's tight embrace before she spoke.  
'Do you really want me to answer that?'  
'Yes I do.'  
'Your track record speaks for itself Jeffrey doesn't it? You cheated on Lucy and now you are cheating on me. You haven't yet given me a straight answer to make me think any different. Instead you spent the whole time hurling insults at me. Why did I ever marry you?'  
'Hang on a minute, you asked me to marry you. Do you remember? Do you remember how you lied to your father and married me to make him think you were normal? You are in no position to talk to me about telling the truth when you didn't even manage it yourself.'  
'Everything I have said to you over the last few months has been the truth Jeff, absolutely everything. I told you time and time again that I love you, how much you mean to me, how happy I am with you and you throw it all back in my face.'  
'HOW MANY MORE FUCKING TIMES, I DIDN'T KISS HER.' Jeff was getting angry now.  
'I DON'T BLOODY BELIEVE YOU.'  
'FOR CHRISTS SAKE KATHLEEN, AFTER EVERYTHING WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH, ALL THE NIGHTS WE SPENT TALKING, HOLDING EACH OTHER WHEN THINGS WERE TOUGH, WHY WONT YOU BELIEVE ME?'  
'BECAUSE ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A FUCKING CHEAT.' Her words hung above his head before descending onto him, had she really just said that? 'AS MUCH AS THIS IS HURTING ME KATHLEEN, IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME OR BELIEVE ME, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO OUR SEPARATE WAYS.' And with that, Jeff stormed off slamming the door shut.

Dixie stood shaking, had she really just had another argument with her Jeffrey? Was this now the beginning of the end for them? What did he mean by separate? Dixie's head was spinning; her whole office was spinning around in front of her as she tried to steady herself against the window ledge. Slowly she moved over to the sofa lying down on her back, clutching a cushion as she let her own tears fall turning her body so she was facing away from the door, away from everyone.

Jeff was no longer thinking straight himself, he really thought they were on the road to getting back to how they were and she had to bring up Tamzin again, Jeff could not understand why Dixie didn't believe him, he never lied to her. Anger consumed him, if she didn't trust him or believe him, what was the point? He had given up so much for her, he had stopped seeing his children, stopped seeing his family and friends to put Dixie first and she goes and says this? Signing the form off he got up and headed once more in the direction of her office.

When he got to the door, he didn't bother knocking, it didn't really concern him that she was laying on her sofa with her back to him, anger had well and truly taken over, his heart was well and truly broken with little chance of repair. 'Can you sign this?' Jeff said coldly  
'What is it?'  
'Transfer request.'  
'Put it on my desk, I will sign it later.'  
'It needs to be signed now.'  
'Fine.' Dixie turned over and stood up walking over to Jeff snatching the form out of his hands. Jeff stood there seething as he watched Dixie sign off his transfer request before storming over to the fax machine. He watched her type in the number and feed it through, a few seconds later the confirmation came through. 'There you go, all done.' She said just as coldly as she handed him the copy and the confirmation. 'Now if there is nothing else, I have nothing more to say to you.'  
'I have something else to say to you.'  
'Really? What else are you going to throw at me then Mr Collier?' Dixie replied trying to keep her voice calm and professional without making any attempt to hide her anger. 'I want a divorce.'


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews, we really appreciate them and the fact you haven't killed us yet for everything that Jeff and Dixie are going through.  
**

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**Chapter Twenty-Four.**

Jeff had had plenty of time to think about what he had done in the past week. He knew that he had hurt Dixie terribly and she was suffering a lot. She had changed her shift so that they were working separately now, Norman had agreed to be her partner and they were working together now. Dixie had arranged it that she was finishing her shift as he was starting his, she was always in her office when he arrived and by the time he finished getting changed she had already left. The days were boring and quiet without Dixie by his side, he felt as if he only had himself to blame. He wondered what he would do now, how would this end? What was the best thing to do?

Jeff barely saw Dixie even when they were at home together, they crossed paths every so often and he always noticed that the light and sparkle had gone out of Dixie's eyes. She was always pale and her eyes were nearly always red from crying. She always looked tired, as if she hadn't had enough sleep. Jeff knew that he had completely broken Dixie's heart, she wasn't herself any more, she was always quiet and she didn't smile now. He'd turned up to the station one day and watched Dixie from afar. She refused every invite from the staff that were going to the pub; she would have been the first person there in the past. Jeff noticed that his colleagues weren't speaking to him, evidently they had some idea what was going on and they had decided that it was his fault. He had started working on rapid response, it was his way of avoiding the dirty looks that he got from the people that now hated him. He still had to see them every so often and he could feel the hate coming from them whenever he went near them. Jeff had given up trying to speak to them as they just ignored him. They'd gone for birthday drinks with Stevie and hadn't invited him, he was being totally left out of everything.

Jeff thought about this morning, Dixie had been on the night shift,when he got to his locker he found a piece of paper stuck to it, his transfer to London had been approved and they wanted him to start next week. He hadn't meant to say all of the hurtful things that he did to Dixie, he had been angry and hurt that she didn't trust him and didn't believe him when he said he didn't kiss Tamzin. How did it get this bad? Jeff knew that his past record was against him but he was hurt that Dixie thought he was capable of cheating on her. Why did he say that he wanted a divorce? He didn't really want one, he had just said it when he was angry, he was hurting and he had shot his mouth off without even thinking about the words that were coming out of it. Those four words had completely shattered Dixie's heart and left her a shell of her former self. He was ashamed of himself, how could he have done that to her?

Jeff hadn't spoken to Dixie for a week since he'd told her he wanted a divorce, they ate, worked and lived separately even though they lived in the same house. Dixie was so quiet now that it was as if there was nobody else in the house, she'd lost her fire, her spark, she'd lost everything that made her Dixie and it was all his fault. There were times when he would walk past her room and he would hear her crying and it broke his heart, would Dixie be better if he left? Jeff sighed, she was hurting because of him, because of everything that he had said and done. He didn't deserve her, he had deliberately said the words that he knew would hurt her. Dixie could do much better than him, she could find someone that loved her and wouldn't hurt her like he had. Sometimes he would just stand there and listen to Dixie crying, it was his punishment for hurting her, he would stand there listening until the tears ran down his own face and his heart felt as if it was about to break in two. Jeff wanted to feel the pain that he had put Dixie through, standing there listening to the woman he loved sounding so distraught and upset was his way of punishing himself for his actions.

Jeff didn't know what to do, he'd tried to speak to Dixie several times but she didn't reply, she hardly spoke to anyone these days. Norman had told him that Dixie spent nearly all day in her office unless they were on a shout and even then she was quiet unless she was wth a patient. Jeff relied on Norman for information about Dixie, Norman was polite and answered his questions but Jeff knew that Norman was mad at him too, it was in his tone of voice and it was barely restrained. Jeff sighed, he knew that he had well and truly blown it, asking Dixie for a divorce was the final straw and the final nail in the coffin of their marriage. Jeff's thoughts turned to the fact that he had promised Dixie that nothing would happen to them and their friendship, he had lied to her and he had let her down in the worst way possible. He sighed again and stared out of the window of the rapid response car, maybe he was right, maybe Dixie was better off without him. Was leaving the best thing to do? If he left then Dixie could move on with her life and he wouldn't be around to hurt her and make her feel worthless. Another thought echoed through his head, he would never love another woman, he would live with the pain of love lost for as long as his life continued. Jeff vowed to live with the pain of losing his princess, of losing his Dixie.

Dixie tossed and turned as she lay in her bed, she wasn't sure what she was thinking or feeling. Her thoughts continuously kept going back to Jeff and she would feel the pain of his words run through her body. His transfer had been approved and at the beginning of next week he would be out of her life forever. Dixie thought that he would come to her and tell her that he didn't mean it, that he didn't want a divorce but he never did, he must really hate her and not want to be with her. Dixie felt the tears in her eyes again, she had cried almost non stop for the first couple of days, it felt as if her life was over. She had no wish to be around people, they would only try to make her feel better and she didn't want to feel better, at least not by their hand. Dixie hadn't been sleeping well, she would sleep for a few hours and then be woken by the voices in her head repeating all of the horrible words that Jeff had thrown at her.

Dixie heard Jeff walking around sometimes, she wanted for him to come into her room, hold her and tell her that it had all been a mistake and he wasn't going away, that he didn't want a divorce and he still loved her. She placed her hands over her heart as the tears spilled down her cheeks once more, she felt as if her heart was in pieces and those pieces weren't working properly. The ache in her chest was growing day by day and she knew what it was; her heart was broken. There wasn't any treatment that she could be given to stop it from hurting, she couldn't even escape the pain in her dreams because Jeff was always there but she couldn't reach him. Dixie pulled back the covers and stood by her window, the world was quiet, it was cold, she felt it on her skin but she ignored it. The cold was nothing compared to the emotional pain she was feeling. She felt as if she was going about her daily business on auto pilot, she still focused on doing her job, it was the one thing that brought her joy. Helping people still gave her a sense of satisfaction, she still wanted to save people and do the best she could for them, that wouldn't change no matter what happened.

Dixie used the time that she was awake to think, a replacement had been organised for Jeff, she would be here at the beginning of next week. She had flicked through the papers that the trust had sent her with barely any interest and she'd just picked the first person that looked sort of decent. Dixie slowly went back to her bed and sat down, she looked around the room, it looked somewhat on the bare side now that she had put away the things that Jeff had bought her as presents, it hurt too much to have them around. She had put them under her bed and left them there, she couldn't look at them as they reminded her of the man that she still loved but was so close to losing. The pain in her heart started again whenever she thought of Jeff, she tried to put him out of her mind but he kept creeping back in.

Dixie lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, she was tired, her emotions were frayed and she had no idea how she was going to get through life alone. How would she cope when she ate alone for the rest of her life? She was done with dating and relationships, they only ever brought her happiness followed by pain. Losing Jeff had broken her heart into tiny pieces, nobody could put it back together again. She couldn't take losing someone else, if she was alone then nobody could hurt her, she would rather be alone than risk having her heart broken again. Dixie sighed and bundled herself up in her quilt, being alone scared her but it was better than the alternative. Why did everyone want to stamp on her heart, everyone she had ever loved had left her, why does it keep happening time and time again?

Dixie's thoughts were a mess, she was keeping it together but only just, what would she do when Jeff was no longer here? It amazed her how her thoughts kept coming back to Jeff, he had hurt her but she wanted him to hold her and tell her that everything would be fine. He wanted a divorce but still she prayed that he would come back to her and tell her that it was all a mistake. Was she being foolish? Every night when she went to bed she wished on the first star that she saw that Jeff would be with her when she woke up in the morning, every morning she was disappointed, her bed was as empty as it was when she went to sleep.

Dixie vowed that she would never love another person in this world, the thought made tears run silently down her cheeks, she would go through life alone, if she couldn't have her Jeffrey then she didn't want anyone. Nobody else would ever come close to him and the way he made her feel during the good times. She would live with the knowledge that she had lost the only man that ever made her feel complete and loved. Dixie closed her eyes and cried into her pillow, she pulled it close to her as if it would make the pain that she was feeling go away. There was only one man that could make her pain go away and he was leaving her behind. Dixie vowed that she would live with the pain and the sorrow of losing her Jeffrey.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews, are you ready for more?  
**

* * *

**Chapter**** Twenty-Five.**

Jeff stood in the doorway of his bedroom, he looked around the baron setting, there was nothing left in there now but a bed and some wardrobes. Jeff didn't think that this day would ever come around, but it had. All of his possessions were packed into boxes and suitcases in the back of the car ready to go. He really didn't want to go, he didn't want to leave, his moment of pure anger of pure thoughtlessness had come back and bitten him twice over. He wished he could take back what he had said, he wished he could take back the transfer request and asking for a divorce, but, he couldn't. Jeff no longer felt like he deserved Dixie's love or her attention, this was his punishment for hurting her and he was going to have to accept it.

Jeff stared at the empty space in front of him, so many memories flooded his mind as he closed his eyes, so many happy memories with a few sad ones intertwined within them, all had Dixie at the heart of them. Dixie, his Dixie, what had he done to her? Whenever he closed his eyes, her face popped in front of them, her blue eyes and blonde hair, her smile, the smile he hadn't seen since they started arguing, the smile he took away.

Slowly he walked over to the bedroom wall, that fateful wall where he first made love to his best friend, the wall and action that changed their lives for ever. Jeff placed his hand on the wall running it downwards as he replayed the scene in his head. He continued to move around his room before sitting back on his bed. He had shared his bed with Dixie so many times, they had slept together, held each other, read books together, watched a film whilst snuggled under the covers. Jeff thought back to all the times they had sat in his room talking and laughing before they became a couple, all the memories he had of tickling Dixie and chasing her around his room after a hard day at work. There were also the times he cried himself to sleep over his children, over his failed marriage, over so many things, each time he awoke the following day, Dixie was by his side. She told him that she often crept into his bed when she heard him crying and just held him close. He was grateful for her tender actions then, they meant so much to him. Who will hold me now as I cry myself to sleep each night? No one. I don't deserve anyone.

Taking a deep breath, Jeff moved around the top floor of their home, stopping at each door, looking into each room, every time a new memory came to the forefront of his mind and made him smile. The bathroom only had Dixie's things in it now, all of his possessions had been packed, he smiled as one memory came back to him.

FLASHBACK  
Jeff was downstairs watching the football results when he heard a blood curdling scream. It made him jump and Little Abs ran wildly towards the stairs. Jeff raced up to the top nearly colliding with Dixie who was wrapped in a towel.  
'Whoa Princess, what's the matter?' Jeff asked as Dixie ran straight to him and hid behind him.  
'There is a bloody huge spider in the shower Jeffrey, get rid of it.'  
Jeff roared with laughter staring at his best friend, was she really that scared of a spider?

Jeff laughed at the memory again; who will get rid of the spiders for her now he was going? He continued to walk around the upstairs stopping at her bedroom, her door was shut but he wanted to go in. Dixie had taken Abs out for a long walk in the park, so she wasn't behind the door. Jeff opened it, immediately her scent filled his nostrils as he walked in. Jeff glanced around her room; it had changed since he was last in there. He noticed how Dixie had taken down all the photos of them, put away all the things he had brought her as presents over the years. Tears filled his eyes once more as the true extent of her hurt set in. He went over to her dressing table and sat on the stool, he noticed her scarf was on the side, she would always wear it. Jeff picked it up and held it close to his face, he could smell her on it, smell her perfume on it. He needed something to remind him of her when he went to London, he had her photo on his phone, but, he wanted to be reminded of her scent. He wanted to hold something close to him as he went to sleep each night, was that wrong of him? Jeff sprayed the scarf with some of Dixie's perfume before placing it safely in his coat pocket.

Jeff continued to walk around the house taking in all the smells and sights one last time. His life had changed so much in such a short space of time since the transfer was approved. He had tried to talk to Dixie several times about it, but, each time he got near to her; he bottled it and moved away. If he wasn't near her any more, he couldn't hurt her any more. Right?

He had already found a place to live; he was renting a small fully furnished flat that was a short walk from Lucy and the kids as well as only a twenty minute drive from the Ambulance station. Sitting down on the sofa, Jeff held his head in his hands; he wanted so desperately to see Dixie before he went, to tell her he was sorry, to hold her close, to ask her to reverse the transfer, would he get the opportunity? He remembered his promise, he would never love another as long as life will stand, no maid the whole world over shall hold his heart or hand. Closing his eyes, Jeff lost himself once more in his memories.

FLASHBACK  
'Norman, wait up mate.' Jeff called after the Paramedic as he jogged across the bay, 'how is she this morning?'  
'The same as she was yesterday, the same as she was the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that, come to think of it, the same she has been for the last three weeks Jeff. She is a mess; she is quiet, subdued, insular, emotional and broken.'

Norman's words were harsh and cut straight through Jeff to his heart. Norman saw Jeff look down to the floor, he knew he was hurting as well, he also knew how much Jeff still cared for Dixie. Every day he would ask Norman how she was, every day he would give Norman money to buy Dixie drinks and food with throughout the day. Norman didn't want to accept it, but, if it made Jeff feel a little better, if it made he feel that he was providing for his wife, he would do that. Norman often thought about telling Dixie where the money had come from, but, he was worried that she wouldn't eat or drink anything if she knew. 'Jeff, why don't you go and speak with her?'  
'She won't let me anywhere near her Norman, I cannot blame her, she avoids me at work and at home, I hardly see her any more.'  
'Come with me.'  
Jeff followed Norman through the bay and the rec room until they were both stood outside Dixie's office. Jeff looked on as he saw her with her head down reading through paperwork of replacements. He watched her mindlessly flick through the profiles trying to decide who to choose. Jeff was brought back to earth by Norman pushing him gently, 'go on, talk to her.'  
'I can't Norman, I just can't.'  
'Jeff, it is clear to me and everyone here that you two are still madly in love with one another and that you need each other.'  
'But I asked her for a transfer and divorce, I can't change that.'  
'No, but you can make it right before it goes too far Jeff.' Norman took a slight pause, he really didn't understand marriages or love come to think of it, but he wanted to try and help. 'Jeff, what made you fall in love with her?'  
'Everything, her smile, her eyes, her personality, her kind and caring persona. I love the way she brushes her hair, the way she worries about how she looks. She is beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside. She is my best friend, my lover and my soul mate and I have hurt her so much.'  
'Tell her that.' Norman spoke softly giving Jeff a pat on the shoulder before walking away.  
Jeff stared at his Dixie as she picked up the phone and dialled a number, he couldn't quite make out what she was saying, but, she had just picked his replacement. How could he ask her to let him stay now? How could he tell her all those things now? It was selfish of him; he had a chance with her and had wrecked it.

The rest of the week was silent at home as well as at work, no one would really talk to Jeff, even Norman had stopped after he wouldn't talk to Dixie. He was well and truly alone. He had heard about his replacement on the grapevine and knew that he was now no longer welcome in Holby. He had contacted Lucy to tell her he was moving to London and had spoken to his children. They had asked him if Dixie was coming with him, he couldn't tell them the truth, so, said she would join him later once he was settled. Jeff had also found a place to live and had spoken with his new Duty Manager to confirm his shift pattern.

Jeff arrived at his locker again at the end of his shift to find a note from Dixie attached to it;  
I have booked you the rest of the week off so you can get yourself sorted for your move.  
That was it, no name signed, no kiss, no nothing, just to the point.  
Jeff read it, tracing her writing with his finger before placing it in his wallet; he just wanted to keep hold of her in his life for a little bit longer. He wasn't at all surprised to not have a leaving do or anything, he got a card which everyone had signed, everyone apart from Dixie anyway.

He wondered what he would do in the house all day while she was at work, each morning he would get up and open his door to find a neat pile of his washing all done for him. He never knew how she did it, how she managed to sneak into his room and collect his washing, do it and have it back for him. There were so many things he was going to miss, so many things he wanted to say, so many hurtful comments he wanted to apologise for, would she speak to me again before I left?  
Jeff opened his eyes once again, it was time for him to go, he couldn't put it off any longer as he was working a night shift later. Taking one last look around the house he called his home for so many years, Jeff shut the front door and walked to the car.

Dixie watched him from behind the trees at the end of the road, she had wanted to give Jeff space to get himself ready while fighting with her own emotions to run home to him and beg him to stay. Dixie held onto the lead tightly as she watched Jeff stand in front of the car looking up and down the road, she watched him take out his phone and check it before pacing the front garden. Dixie's already broken heart split that little bit more as she saw Jeff look up to the sky and take a deep breath, it was obvious he was fighting back the tears. She felt rooted to the spot, unable to move, she had to let him go.

Dixie felt her own tears fall as she leant against the tree watching her husband, the man she loved, the man who stole her heart before promptly breaking it get into the car and drive off. She hid behind the trees as he drove past her before he disappeared from her view. 'Goodbye My Jeffrey, I love you and always will love you. Drive and keep safe Handsome.'


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews, I know, we're evil...**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Six.**

Dixie sat in the lounge with Little Abs at her feet, he knew something was wrong with her and he wouldn't leave her side; wherever she went he would follow her. There were times when he would look around the room and act as if he was searching for someone that was no longer there. Dixie knew that Little Abs was looking for Jeff and didn't understand why he wasn't there any more. 'I know mate,' she whispered. 'I miss him too.' Dixie looked around at the now different lounge, she had removed all of the pictures of herself and Jeff, she'd put them in a box and then put them in the loft. She'd sat looking at the picture from their wedding day, they'd been happy together at first but it had all gone so very wrong. Eventually she wiped away her tears and had put the picture in the box with the rest of them. Dixie decided that she needed to get rid of everything even remotely related to Jeff from her life, he had taken all of his things with him but there were the things that reminded her of him, they had to go.

Dixie had spent the morning going through the fridge and the cupboards, she had put every item of junk food in a bin bag and then chucked it in the bin. From this moment on Dixie was on a diet and she was going to drop every last little pound that she was overweight. She would be thin and nobody would be able to call her fat or tell her that she needed to lose weight ever again. Dixie had also spent some time researching diets that would make her lose weight quickly and she had found one relatively easily. If she followed it to the letter then she would be able to lose a stone in around three weeks. Dixie was determined to lose weight and she would do whatever she had to so she could achieve that goal.

As the afternoon wore on Dixie moved around the house and made notes on the changes that she wanted to make to the rooms in the house. It was basically the same for every room; new wallpaper, painting the skirting boards and getting new curtains. The carpet in the lounge needed replacing as it had seen better days. Dixie had booked the week off work, she was going to get the house in order and sort everything out, she hoped that it would keep her mind off Jeff and what he was doing. He hadn't phoned or even sent her a little message to say that he arrived safely, he obviously didn't want to speak to her, she wondered again how long it would take for the divorce papers to come through. Dixie shook her head and tried to banish all thoughts of Jeff from her mind, she had work to do.

Dixie went into the bathroom and looked around, she would have to buy a new shower curtain as it was faded and quite old. She looked around the rest of the room and her eyes fell on the shelf that used to hold all of Jeff's things. She'd always complained that there wasn't enough space in the bathroom so Jeff had put up an extra shelf to make her happy and now there wasn't anything on it. Dixie was struck at how sparse and empty the shelf was now that there was no Jeff to use it. Emptiness and loneliness consumed Dixie once more, what was she going to do without Jeff? Her life felt empty and a whole lot colder now that Jeff had gone from it. Dixie sighed, wherever she went there were memories of Jeff and the life that she had shared with him for so long. She wanted to run to London, go to his flat and beg him to come back, but she couldn't, Jeff had gone and he wasn't coming back. Dixie checked her phone again just in case Jeff had phoned and she had missed it, she lived in hope that he would call her and tell her he had made a terrible mistake.

Dixie stood with her hand touching the door of Jeff's old room, the room where all of this had begun. If she hadn't got tipsy then this wouldn't have happened and Jeff would be here with her now. She pushed the handle down, took a deep breath and went inside, she was afraid of her memories, a lot of them were linked to this room. Dixie looked around, all that was left was the wardrobe and the bed, it was as if Jeff had never been in here at all. She had come in here to think about what she was going to do with this room but now she was here she couldn't think of anything. Dixie sat down on Jeff's bed, what was she going to do with it? Maybe she could give it to a charity shop and they could make some use of it.

The scent of Jeff's shower gel reached her nostrils as she lay back in the covers that were still on his bed, it was mixed with something that was unmistakably him. All of her memories came flooding back; waking up next to Jeff, his arms around her and holding her safe as they slept, making love to each other and him telling her that she was beautiful. Tears spilled from her eyes as more memories entered her head, she had thought that making plans for redecorating would keep her occupied and distracted but it hadn't lasted long enough and now she felt the loss of Jeff more keenly than ever. Dixie buried her head in Jeff's pillows and her tears soaked into them, she wrapped her arms around them and tried in vain to take comfort from Jeff's lingering scent. Dixie felt Little Abs jump up on the bed and lie down next to her, she lifted her head from the pillow and looked at the dog that Jeff had bought for her, he was only thing that Jeff had bought for her that she couldn't put away or hide. Dixie patted Little Abs on the head, he wouldn't leave her.

Dixie eventually got up off the bed, she straightened the covers and closed the curtains as it was starting to get dark. She couldn't change Jeff's bedroom, it was his and it would stay the way that he'd left it for as long as she lived in this house. She didn't have the courage to change anything in his room, if she did that then it would be like admitting that Jeff had gone and he was never coming back. If she kept it the same then she keep hold of the hope that one day he might come back and use it again. Dixie needed hope, she was desperately holding onto it with all the strength that she had left in her.

Time passed slowly for Dixie as she stared at the television screen, she wasn't even watching it, she'd only put it on as a way to drown out the silence that followed her from room to room. She was lost in her own memories and thoughts about Jeff. How was he getting on at his new station? Who was his new partner? Did he miss her? Did he still love her? She had checked her phone several times, each time getting more and more downhearted when she saw that she didn't have any calls or any messages from Jeff. Maybe he had forgotten her already. Dixie lay on the cushions that were on the sofa, tears ran down her cheeks, she missed Jeff, she wanted him back.

Dixie jumped when someone knocked on the door and she hastily wiped her tears away. Who was at her door? She wasn't expecting anyone. Dixie wiped her face again and then opened the door, she had hoped to see Jeff stood there but she tried to hide her disappointment when she saw that it was Norman. 'Dixie, forgive me for calling on you at home.'  
'It's all right.' Dixie fake smiled at Norman. 'Is anything wrong?'  
'No, I just wanted to come and see how you were.'  
'I'm fine, really, do you want to come in?'  
'I just want to give you this.' Dixie took the box that Norman held out to her. 'I made some lasagne but there is too much for me to eat by myself and I do not want it to go to waste.'  
'Thanks Norman, that's sweet of you but I've just eaten.' The lie slipped off her tongue very easily, in truth, she didn't feel like eating. Her grief over losing Jeff filled her up so much that it left no room for hunger. 'I am sure you can have it another night.'  
'I will, thank you for coming.'  
'You're welcome, I'll leave you now, goodnight Dixie.'  
'Goodnight Norman.' Dixie closed the door and put the lasagne Norman had brought her into the fridge, it was sweet of him. Norman might be full of endless facts and figures but he was a talented paramedic and quite a brilliant man. Dixie sighed to herself and sat back down on the sofa, she needed time alone with her memories.

Norman left Dixie's house, he was troubled, it was obvious that Dixie wasn't coping without Jeff, he saw the redness around her eyes and the smile that was obviously faked. He wanted to help Dixie, she really was suffering, he knew that she wouldn't admit it but she was still in love with Jeff and he was still in love with her. Norman wished he could bang their heads together and lock them in a room somewhere until they talked and sorted this whole mess out. It saddened him to see two people that were obviously in love so sad and hurting. He was worried about Dixie, should he phone Jeff and tell him that Dixie missed him and wanted him back? Should he tell Dixie that Jeff still loved her and she should go to London and ask him to come back? Norman didn't know what to do for the best, he knew that he wanted to help his friends but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

Dixie got herself ready for bed, she didn't have to be up in the morning but she didn't want to stay up watching television and thinking about Jeff and what he was up to. She'd cleaned her teeth and brushed her hair, got changed into her pyjamas and then climbed into her bed, she switched off the light and pulled the quilt over herself. She lay on her side and looked at the empty space that would have usually had Jeff in it, by now he would be holding her close and hugging her. Dixie felt tears running down her face, she just wanted Jeff back in her life again, she was lonely without him by her side. Dixie lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, she was finding it hard to sleep. Dixie tried to get comfortable but something was underneath her and bunched up under her back, she pulled it out, it was Jeff's t-shirt. Dixie remembered holding onto it when she had been upset and using it to comfort herself, she held the t-shirt to her face and cried into it. It still smelled of Jeff even though it had been in her bed for quite some time. Dixie held the t-shirt close to her and lay down on her pillow, she turned back to the side that Jeff would have slept on and cried quietly, she wished that he was here to kiss her and hold her in his arms. 'Goodnight my Jeffrey, I love you.' Dixie lay awake hugging Jeff's t-shirt close to her until she couldn't keep her eyes open any more.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews. We do apologise for being so very evil to Jeff and Dixie, trust us, these chapters are very hard for us to write and we feel your pain :(  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Seven.**

The drive across the country was quiet, very quiet for Jeff. The further he got from Holby the more his heart ached and the harder he cried. He kept on looking over to the passenger seat excepting to see Dixie sat there either looking out of the window or sleeping, each time he did and she wasn't there, his heart sank that little bit more. He had put the radio on, he had chosen the station Dixie would normally listen to, but, it didn't make him feel any better. Realisation was stepping in; he was alone and would live alone with the pain of hurting and losing his Dixie, his special princess.

Jeff arrived at his flat in South West London; it seemed strange being there without Dixie. He had a couple of hours before his shift started so he began to unload the car and place the boxes and cases in the living area. Jeff didn't want to take the car, but, Dixie let him, they didn't talk about it at length, she just told him to take it and that she had no need for it. Jeff wondered how Dixie would get around now he had the car, would she walk everywhere or use public transport. Would she buy another car? He had no idea.

He scanned the room, all of his life was in boxes again, it was the same when he moved out of his family home when Lucy threw him out, all his possessions, everything he owned placed in boxes. Jeff felt settled with Dixie, although initially they would wind each other up and being in such close proximity caused friction to begin with, they grew to love it. Over time there were never seen apart from one another, they were always together. Dixie made Jeff feel complete and now they were apart.

Jeff's mind turned to Dixie again; he wondered what she would be doing now, whether or not she was all right. Stupid question, he thought to himself, of course she won't be all right. Jeff felt a pain in his chest as he imaged Dixie at home, on her own crying into a cushion. He wanted so much to turn around and go back to Holby, to hold her close and tell her he loves her, but, he couldn't. Jeff picked up his phone and unlocked it staring at the photo of Dixie he took at the park when they had their picnic; he rubbed his thumb over her face. Jeff thought about whether he should call Dixie or not to let her know he had arrived safely, would she want to hear my voice? Would she even answer me? He continued to look at the picture and spoke to that instead. 'I am here babe, I arrived safely. I really miss you. Are you OK princess? That was a stupid question wasn't it; I know the answer to that. I wish I was still with you Dixie, I would do anything to turn back the clock, to take back what I said, to hold you close to me once more. I start my shift soon; it won't be the same working without you, being in a different station with someone else telling me what to do. Only you are allowed to do that Dix. I love you so much princess and miss you so much already. Take care my beautiful Dixie.'

Jeff placed his phone back into his pocket and touched his wedding ring, even though he was apart from his wife, he would always wear the ring no matter what. He got up figuring he needed to have something to eat looking through the shopping he had picked up on the way. Jeff's heart was filled with sadness once more when he realised what he had done. He had bought two ready meals, one Indian for him and a pasta bake for Dixie, it was going to take some time to get used to being on his own again. Slowly, he placed the pasta bake in the freezer although he doubted he would ever eat it, but, he couldn't bring himself to throw it away. He held onto the hope that she would come after him and take him home.

He sat in silence eating his dinner, most of it remained on the plate being moved around than it did in his mouth, it wasn't Dixie's cooking, it didn't taste of anything, therefore he didn't want it. Jeff tipped the ready meal away before getting ready for work. He didn't pack a bag like he usually would have done; instead he changed into his uniform before he left. As he took it out of the case and laid it on his bed, the scent of the washing detergent and fabric softener filled his nostrils, it made his eyes water as he thought about all the times Dixie did his washing, all the times she ironed his clothes for him. He would have to do that now, but, he knew even if he used the same detergents, it would never be the same.

When he arrived at the station, he felt like a duck out of water. It was much bigger than Holby and there was a lot going on. Jeff made his way inside looking around at the array of ambulances, bikes and rapid response cars. It wasn't long before he was looking for Dixie, his heart skipped a beat as he heard a strong northern accent behind him, he felt a smile creep across his face as he turned around as quickly as he possibly could, but, it soon disappeared when he found himself looking at a tall, thin woman with black hair and glasses. 'Not quite the reaction I thought I was going to get, mind you, I do have that effect on people.' She chuckled as Jeff started to look embarrassed. 'I take it you are Jeffrey Collier?'  
'Yeah, that's me.'  
'Thought you were, my name is Becky and I will be your new partner. I'll show you where to put your things and take you to meet Andy the boss.' Jeff nodded in appreciation as he followed Becky his new partner through the station, what a cruel twist of fate he thought, being paired with a woman who sounded just like his Dixie. Was this God's way of making him suffer even more?

Jeff's first shift was a strange one, they were ridiculously busy, Holby seemed like a walk in the park compared to a busy London Ambulance Trust, he had attended three RTC's, two stabbings and a poorly old lady. Each and every time he arrived at the scene of a shout, he had to stop himself from saying 'my name is Jeff and this is Dixie.' It all seemed to roll off the tongue, he had said it a couple of times before realising what he had done quickly correcting himself.

He was now sitting in the ambulance staring blankly out of the window thinking about Dixie and what she was doing, he wondered if she was also working a night shift or if she was at home. Was she safe? Would Norman look out for her and protect her? Jeff hadn't noticed Becky had started to talk to him. 'First or second?'  
'Ummm.' Jeff replied snapping himself out of his thoughts.  
Becky pointed to his wedding ring on his finger and repeated her question, 'first or second marriage?'  
'Oh, second.'  
'Thought so, how long?'  
'Three years.'  
'Aw, sounds lovely. What's her name then?'  
'Dixie.'  
'I take it she is a Paramedic as well then.'  
'Hmm?'  
'You introduced yourself as Jeff and me as Dixie at a couple of the shouts, so I take it she is a Paramedic as well then?'  
'Yeah, she is.'  
'Dixie? That is a strange name, not heard that one before.'  
'It is her nickname, before we married her surname was Dixon, she hates her first name, so, everyone calls her Dixie.'  
'Oh right, so, is she over here now as well?'  
Jeff's heart sunk, 'No, she is still in Holby.'  
'Will she be joining you later on then?'  
'Yeah, that's the plan anyway.' Jeff said as convincingly as he could, he didn't want anyone here knowing about his personal life, he was going to keep it quiet, they didn't need to know what he had done. He couldn't take another ambulance station hating him and leaving him out, Jeff was struggling as it was, he didn't need any more grief or bad feeling. 'So why London then?' Becky was keen to find out what she could about her new partner, if they were going to spend their days and nights working together, she wanted to get to know him a little more.  
'My kids live here with my ex; we just wanted to be closer to them.'  
'Ah, fair enough.'

Jeff was getting a bit tired of the twenty questions, he just wanted to tell her to shut it and butt out and to leave him to beat himself up over what he had done, but, it wasn't a smart move to alienate yourself on your first day. Instead, he decided to play her at her own game.  
'What about you then? Any man or woman in your life?'  
'Oh God no, I don't want anyone in my life, I have myself and my dog, that is all I need. Dating never interested me to be honest. I see it too many times with my friends, they find love, seem to get on OK, then the bloke gets his end away before they break up. Seems to be a trait with men, not that I am saying you are like that in anyway though.'  
'If only you knew.' Jeff thought to himself before their radio cracked into life once more sending them off into the early hours of the morning to a nightclub.

Jeff arrived back at his flat at 8am the following morning; it had been a very long day what with driving up from Holby and then working an extremely busy 12 hour night shift. He opened the front door, walking through it just about to open his mouth to call out to Dixie, but, stopped himself remembering that she wasn't there. He was alone.

Jeff kicked his boots off and removed his fluorescent jacket throwing it down onto the sofa beside him as he sat down. All of his possessions were still in boxes, they would stay that way until his days off, he didn't have the energy to unpack them now, nor the inclination. If he unpacked them and put them away, it made his move to London permanent, it would reinforce the fact that he was alone again.

Deciding he needed a cup of tea before he turned in for some sleep, Jeff walked into the kitchen, he took out two mugs from the cupboard and flung a tea bag in each of them while the kettle boiled. He took the milk he had brought out the fridge and placed a little in each mug. He poured the hot water in and finished making the tea. It was only when he took the second tea bag out that he realised what he had done. Jeff felt his eyes watering as he looked down at the two mugs in front of him and the skimmed milk. He never liked skimmed milk, it was always Dixie that had it, he had mindlessly bought it and used it. Slowly and sadly, he tipped the second mug of tea away, this was going to take some getting used to, Jeff wasn't sure if it was something he ever wanted to get used to.

Drinking down his tea, Jeff made his way into the bedroom. He took off his uniform and climbed into bed, it wasn't the same comfy bed he was used to and it felt empty without Dixie by his side. Remembering her scarf in his pocket, he jumped back up to fetch it returning to the bed with it firmly in his hands. Jeff laid down on his pillow holding her scarf close to him, he let her scent fill his nostrils as fresh tears rolled down his face. Jeff lay cradling the scarf close to him as he wept into it, he missed Dixie so much, he wanted to be with her, he wanted to hold her, touch her, kiss her, tell her he was sorry, tell her he loves her more than anything, but, he couldn't.  
Turning on his side still clinging onto her scarf, Jeff unlocked his phone to look at her picture once more, 'Goodnight my princess, I love you.'  
He lay there staring at the photo before sleep took over once again.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews. Apologies for any evilness in this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Eight.**

Dixie's time off work was over and she had done the redecorating that had needed doing, replaced all the curtains and got a new carpet fitted in the lounge. She'd stayed up late almost every night finishing the rooms off, she wanted it completed and working into the early hours of the morning meant that she was now finished. Dixie had moved the furniture about and made the house look different, she found that if she was busy that she didn't think of Jeff but in the moments that she was sitting down and not doing much then he popped into her head. Dixie couldn't escape him in her sleep either, he was in her dreams all of the time. She would dream of him every night; sometimes she would dream of him coming back to her and holding her close. Those were the hardest dreams as when she awoke she was always alone. Dixie hoped that working late and tiring herself out would mean that she didn't dream of Jeff but it hadn't helped, she always dreamed of him, his face was always there in her dreams. She was feeling tired, while she'd been off she hadn't really stopped for a moment but she had to keep going, stopping was not an option for her, she needed to stay busy. Staying busy meant that she wasn't crying her eyes out whilst sat on the sofa and mindlessly watching the television.

Dixie sat in the front of the ambulance with Norman while they waited for their next shout, she had noticed that he had been looking out for her all day while they were on shouts and even when they weren't. Dixie was wishing for a shout to come through on the radio; it was the quiet moments that started her thinking about Jeff and what he was up to. Was Jeff safe? London could be a dangerous place and she was worried about him, what if something happened to him? Would she find out, had he told them about her? She didn't have any answers to her questions. Dixie took her phone out of her pocket and checked it again, still no messages or calls from Jeff. The lack of contact from Jeff made her heart hurt even more than it already was. She pulled up Jeff's number on her phone and stared at it, she had been doing it a lot lately but had yet to find the courage to call him. Dixie sighed and closed the phone book on her screen, she couldn't call him.

Norman heard Dixie sigh again, she'd brought up Jeff's number on her phone for the fifteenth time in half an hour and every time she sighed and dismissed it. Norman was worried about Dixie, she was quieter than she had been before she had a week off on holiday and he was certain that she had lost weight. He'd watched Dixie closely when they ate their lunch, she'd pushed hers around the tub, occasionally putting some in her mouth. When she put the lid back on and pushed it to one side it looked as if most of it was untouched. Norman was unsure if Dixie wasn't eating properly because of her grief over Jeff moving away or if she was punishing herself because of it. He thought about bringing the subject up with Dixie but he wasn't sure how to go about it. Norman hoped that Dixie would start eating properly again and that she was just grieving over losing Jeff. He had noticed that she was still wearing her wedding and engagement ring but they looked loose on her fingers, it was proof to him that she had lost weight.

Time on the shift passed slowly for Dixie, she thought about Jeff and about the people that she worked with. She'd noticed their looks of sympathy whenever she went near them, nobody mentioned Jeff, it was as if he had disappeared off the face of the Earth. Dixie went into the rec room and saw a young woman sat at one of the tables by herself, she had come in here to introduce herself to Jeff's replacement. The woman looked up and then at the badges sewn into the epaulettes on her shoulder. 'You must be Dixie, I'm Polly Emmerson.'

'Hello Polly.'

'The others have told me so much about you.'

'Like what?' Dixie wondered what people had told Polly, was she the source of their gossip? Did they all pity her, had they told Polly about the arguments that they'd overheard coming from her office? Had they told her all about Jeff leaving? 'Just that you're a good boss to work for, that's all.'

'Oh, okay.' Dixie wasn't sure what else to say, she didn't know if Polly was telling the truth or not but she wanted to believe that her life wasn't open to public scrutiny. Dixie tried to put her duty manager's head on, she wasn't really up to it but it had to be done. 'If you need anything or have any questions then you know where my office is.'

'Thanks Dixie, maybe we'll get to work together one day.'

'Maybe.' Dixie put on her best fake smile and then left the rec room.

The time came for Dixie to do some work in her office and she looked in her drawer for a pen, her hand brushed against something and she picked it up. It was a bar of chocolate, she vaguely remembered Jeff buying it her for getting through one of the budget meetings, she had obviously forgotten about it and it had remained in the drawer until now. Dixie sighed, why was she reminded of Jeff wherever she went? Was someone trying to punish her? Was it someone's idea of a joke? Dixie threw the bar in the bin along with the rest of her emergency stash of chocolate that she kept in the office. Her determination to lose weight was still there, she had lost some weight so far, her uniform was beginning to feel loose and she'd had to buckle her belt up tighter when she got dressed this morning. Dixie sighed, the chocolate that she had just found was still on her mind. Who would buy her chocolate now? Norman? He was a nice man but he wasn't Jeff and there was a part of her that was crying out for him to come back and hold her no matter how hard she tried to push that part of herself down.

Dixie sat back at her desk and tried her best to concentrate on her work but memories of Jeff kept creeping into her mind. She wasn't even aware that she was crying until the tears started dripping onto her desk. Dixie lowered her head to top of her desk and just let her tears fall. 'Jeffrey,' she whispered. 'I miss you, everywhere I go there are things that remind me of you, please come home.' She cried harder and wished that she could call Jeff and tell him to come home to her, she wasn't angry any more about anything that he had said to her, she just wanted him to come home and hold her. Dixie knew that her heart could only be healed by Jeff but it was too late, he had gone, he was in London and he wasn't coming back. The broken pieces of her heart shattered that little bit more and fresh tears travelled their way down her face. 'Jeff, my Jeffrey, I love you.' Dixie knew that it was in vain and he couldn't hear her but she had to say it. She wiped her eyes and looked at herself in the little mirror that was with her hairbrush, she looked tired, pale and the redness around her eyes stood out even more now that she had been crying again. How was she going to live without her Jeffrey?

Norman stood outside of Dixie's office door, he heard her crying from where he was stood and changed his mind instantly about going in. Dixie was a very private person and she wouldn't want anyone to know that she had been crying. Norman sighed, what was he going to do? It was obvious to him that Dixie needed Jeff, he was the only person that would be able to heal Dixie and make her feel better again. He backed away from Dixie's door, it didn't feel right to listen to her while she was so upset, she needed time alone and Norman wanted to give her some privacy. He felt sorry for her, losing Jeff had made Dixie so unlike herself. Norman was trying his best to look out for Dixie and make sure that nothing happened to her when she was on a shout. Treating patients was the only time that Dixie seemed a little more like herself again.

The time came for Dixie to go home and she turned out the lights in her office, she locked the door and picked up her stuff from her locker. She was making her way out of the station when Norman stopped her. 'Dixie, everyone is going for drink, do you want to come?'

'No thanks Norman, I have to get home and walk Little Abs.'

'Of course, very well, I will see you tomorrow Dixie.'

'See you tomorrow Norman.' Dixie put her fake smile on for Norman and then left the station, she hadn't told him a complete lie, she did have to get home and walk Little Abs but she wasn't in the mood for seeing the sympathetic looks from everyone in the department. She had put up with the smiles and people asking her if she was all right all day and she just wanted to get away from it. Dixie drifted off throughout the journey home, the bus was empty and there was nobody to disturb her. She got off not far from the house and walked through the cold streets, even though it was April there were still cold nights and tonight was one of them.

Dixie was greeted by Little Abs when she opened the door. 'Hello mate.' She saw him look behind her for Jeff and she lowered her head, Little Abs obviously missed Jeff and wanted him back too. 'Sorry mate, he's not here, it's just me.' She picked up the lead and clipped it onto Abs' collar. 'Come on mate, let's go.' Dixie shivered as she stepped out into the cold air once again, she didn't like being out at night on her own but Abs needed to be walked and there wasn't anyone else to do it. Jeff popped into her head again, they would walk Abs together at night and she'd always took comfort from his warmth and closeness. Dixie swallowed back the tears that threatened to spill down her face, she couldn't cry in the middle of the street, she found herself wandering down the street until she reached the field at the end of the street. Dixie found herself remembering walking Abs with Jeff here, she had worried that something would go wrong and they'd end up hating each other. He had reassured her that it wouldn't happen, but, it had, except she didn't hate Jeff. Did he hate her for not stopping him leaving? Dixie hoped that Jeff didn't hate her, she was still in love with him, she looked around her and realised that it had got dark while she had been thinking. 'Come on mate,' she said to Little Abs. 'It's time to go home, it's getting dark.' Dixie wasn't in a hurry to go back to the house that was so empty and lifeless without Jeff in it but she didn't want to stand around in the cold either. Dixie breathed deeply and turned around, she slowly started walking back the way she came, she wasn't looking forward to spending the evening on her own and cooking just for herself again. Maybe she would heat up the leftovers from the other day, she had made a double portion and had to freeze it. Dixie felt her heart sink as she opened the door to the house and all that was there to greet her was silence.


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews and for sticking with us through the tough chapters.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Nine.**

Jeff had come to the end of his first week in London; it was certainly different from Holby. He was shattered, absolutely shattered. The pace of life certainly was a lot quicker and Jeff wondered if he would ever adjust to it. He had kept himself to himself while at work, only really talking to Becky. He had declined a few invitations to the pub saying he was meeting his wife for dinner, or needed to get back for one thing or another. It wouldn't be the same in the pub without his Dixie next to him. Jeff didn't want to have any company, he deserved to be alone, he needed to feel the pain of being alone.

Jeff had reluctantly unpacked most of his possessions placing them around his flat, he had lived out of the cases and boxes all week, he couldn't do it much longer. He would constantly check his phone to see if Dixie had text or called him, likewise, he would constantly bring her number up on the screen as if to call her. Jeff couldn't bring himself to do it, he had hurt Dixie with his words and actions, it was unforgivable. The best way he could help her right now was to stay away so she could move on. So why was he finding it so hard? Why was he always looking at her face on his phone, re reading all the texts she had sent him while they were together? Why was he still crying into her scarf each night as he went to sleep? Why was he still wearing his wedding ring? Jeff couldn't let go, he didn't want to let go, he wanted his Dixie back. If he could turn back the clock, he would do in a heartbeat. He didn't regret taking their relationship that one step further; he regretted all the things he said to her when he was angry and upset. He wanted to take those things back more than anything.

He sunk down on the sofa with thoughts and memories of Dixie flooding his mind once more. Jeff felt new tears falling down his face as he remembered their date in the cinema, their dinner out at Pizza Hut, walking Abs together or simply cuddling up on the sofa after a hard day at work. Jeff was desperate to be held, desperate for love, desperate for Dixie. He needed to know how she was, so he called the only person who would tell him what he needed to know.

'Hey Norman, please don't hang up.'  
'Jeff, what are you doing calling me? Don't you think you should be calling your wife?'  
'Is she OK?'  
'I haven't seen her all week Jeff.'  
'What? Why?'  
'She has been on annual leave, sorry.'  
'She has taken leave?' Jeff repeated what Norman had just said. He was trying to work out if Dixie had gone on holiday now he has gone, or, whether her heart was well and truly broken that she just couldn't face anyone. 'That is what I said Jeff. She is back at work tomorrow, shall I tell her you called?'  
'No, no, please don't Norman.'  
'Why?'  
'She is better off without me.' Jeff felt the lump returning in his throat as he thought over the words that had just left his mouth. He wasn't convinced Dixie would be better off without him, he certainly was struggling without her, but, he had hurt her, there was no going back from that. 'Jeff, you and I both know that is not true. Call her, please.' And with that Norman ended the call leaving Jeff staring at the wall in front of him, tears falling harder down his face.

He curled himself up into a ball on the sofa hugging his knees close to him dropping his phone to the floor. Jeff couldn't stop the tears that fell from his eyes, he didn't want to stop them, he was grieving the loss of the best friendship and relationship he had ever had. 'Dixie, my Dixie, my beautiful Dixie, I am sorry, I really am. I would do anything for you to come and see me, to call me, to text me. I would do anything to be held by you. Dixie, my Princess, I love you so much.'

Jeff stayed on the sofa for what seemed like an eternity, he didn't want to move, didn't want to eat or drink, he felt empty without her. What was he going to do for four days? He would usually spend his days off with Dixie, but, now he couldn't, he was alone. The children were at school and Lucy was at work, Jeff would just have to face up to the fact that he was going to be on his own.

He wondered how other people coped with heartache and being on their own. When he split from Lucy, Dixie was there for him every second of everyday, he was never alone, unlike now. Without thinking, he picked up his phone once more heading for his internet browser typing, 'broken hearts' into the search engine. He scrolled through the pages of people talking about how they coped when their relationships broke down, diets, weight loss, make overs, redecorating houses, going on holidays, spending money, piercings and tattoos seemed to top the list. He wondered which of these Dixie would be doing right about now, but, he knew which one he was going to do. He had made up his mind pretty quickly on that one.

Jeff rolled up the sleeve on his right arm and looked at the tattoo he had on it, he got it as an act of defiance against his parents, it didn't hurt that much, not as much as the clip round the ear he got from his dad when he found out anyway. Jeff wondered if another tattoo would help ease the pain. Slowly he stood up from the sofa and went into the bathroom stripping off his clothing staring at his naked form in the mirror. Jeff was determined to get a tattoo in a painful place, to put himself through hours and days of pain as a punishment for what he had done to Dixie, to their marriage. Turning himself around, he found the perfect place, all he had to do was find the perfect tattoo for the job, something that would remind him daily of what he had lost and would never get back.

The following day, after another night of crying himself into a restless sleep without Dixie by his side, Jeff arrived at the tattoo parlour with his tattoo sketch in his hand for his appointment. He was taken to a private room by the artist who sat him down for a mini consultation.  
'So, Mr Collier, have you had a tattoo before?'  
'Yeah, on my right arm.'  
'OK, So, where do you want this one then?'  
'Left Shoulder blade please.'  
The tattoo artist's eyes nearly popped out of his skull, 'Mr Collier, are you sure, I don't think I need to tell you that that is really going to hurt.'  
'I want it there.' Jeff replied straight away.  
'Are you sure'  
'Absolutely, I don't care about the pain, I want my tattoo there.'  
The artist took a gulp before he spoke again, 'and what were you thinking of having tattooed there Mr Collier?'  
Jeff produced a sheet of paper out of his pocket for the artist to look at; Jeff studied his facial expression intently noticing his jaw drop as he looked up in disbelief.

'Mr Collier, this is going to take a long time to do, it is a very long quote.'  
'I have all day.' Jeff replied as calmly as he could. He knew it was going to hurt and he knew he was going to be in absolute agony. Once he had decided on where and what he was going to have tattooed on his body, Jeff researched again how other people coped with having a tattoo on their shoulder blade, he knew from what he had read it the pain would be excruciating. Having said that, Jeff wanted to feel pain, he wanted to suffer alone with no Dixie there to comfort him, he had put her through so much; this was his way of punishing himself even more for what he had done to her.  
'OK, well, Mr Collier, if you would like to take your T Shirt off and sit on the chair facing away from me, I will get started.' Jeff did as he was asked removing his T Shirt placing it neatly on top of his coat as he pulled Dixie's scarf out from his pocket. He would hold onto it while he was being tattooed, it would provide him with some comfort through the pain.

Jeff felt his shoulder being rubbed down with an alcohol wipe before he felt the area being cleaned and shaved of the hair that was there. Jeff tried to relax himself as much as possible, what he had read had frightened him slightly, but, surely it wasn't as bad as people were making out? Was it? 'OK Mr Collier, I am going to sketch your design onto your shoulder now, then, you can have a look telling me what you think.'  
'OK.' Jeff closed his eyes as he felt the pen on his skin, Dixie popped straight back in front of him, what was she doing? Was she all right? He wondered what on the list of rebound ideas Dixie would be doing. He didn't need to wonder for too long, he knew that instantly. Jeff played their last argument over and over again in his head, the one where he told her she was no looker and could do with losing a few pounds. He didn't mean it, he loved her body, no, loves her body, just as she is. He had a strong feeling Dixie would be trying to lose weight, to make herself thinner and more attractive, the thought of Dixie changing scared Jeff, he didn't want her to. 'Right, Mr Collier, would you like to take a look?' The voice brought Jeff out of his thoughts as he looked at the reflection and nodded. 'OK, I will start now, are you ready?' Again Jeff nodded.

The first part wasn't too bad, Jeff winced a few times as the needle of the tattoo gun made contact with the skin, but, the pain was bearable, it wasn't until he got right on top of the blade where it sticks out that Jeff really had to try and contain himself. He wanted to scream out, to tell him to stop, but he couldn't, he wouldn't. Jeff being Jeff wanted to be hurt. The pain was excruciating, it felt like his left shoulder was on fire after being rubbed harshly by the thickest and coarsest of sand paper. With each movement of the tattoo gun, Jeff felt more tears leave his eyes as he bit down onto the headrest of the chair in front of him clinging onto Dixie's scarf in his right hand taking in her scent whenever he could to calm him down.

After what seemed like an eternity, Jeff felt the artist rub something on it before putting a dressing over it. 'Mr Collier, you need to keep off that side when you sleep, also, try and refrain from carrying anything on that shoulder for the next week or so to help with the healing. Rub Vaseline on it each night and replace the dressing for the next three days, then, you should be OK.'

Jeff thanked the artist, paid the bill and left the parlour heading home. He felt sick and dizzy, all the adrenalin he had in his system was taking its toll, he hadn't eaten or drank anything since yesterday morning, he knew if he didn't do it soon, he would pass out. He slowly walked back to his flat, picking up a burger and coke on the way, he didn't know what made him stop off at MacDonald's and order it, he didn't even like their food, but, it was sustenance at least. Jeff was surprised how much his palette had changed since he had been living with Dixie, she had opened him up to a whole new range of meals, he loved it. They enjoyed their treat now and again, but, it still felt wrong to be eating junk food.

Once back in his flat, Jeff removed his jacket quickly without thinking causing him to wince in pain as it made contact with his freshly inked tattoo. He placed his hand over it to try and soothe and stop the pain, but it made it worse. Jeff ran to his bedroom and threw himself onto his bed, the crying he had held in, and the feelings over the pain he had bottled up all came out in one hit. He squirmed on his bed trying to avoid his left shoulder, the pain was intense, he felt like he was on fire. Jeff cried out louder and louder, he wanted Dixie, he wanted her so desperately now.

'DIXIE.' He shouted through his tears, Jeff was wailing, really howling in pain as he continued to writhe around in agony. 'DDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEE' All he got was silence. 'Dixie, please babe, I need you. Please come to me Dixie and take the pain away.'

Nothing.

No Dixie came running. No Dixie came and pulled him close to her. No Dixie came to cradle him in her arms. No Dixie came to whisper comforting words in his ear. No Dixie came to kiss him better. No Dixie came to lie next to him. He was on his own.

Jeff cried harder into his pillow clutching Dixie's scarf, he took in the scent one more time, the scent of Dixie that was fading away, the last piece he had of her was disappearing in front of him. 'Don't go Dixie, please don't go.' Jeff sobbed into the scarf taking in the last lingering scent that he could. The tattoo on his shoulder said it all:  
I never can love another  
As long as life may stand.  
No maid the wide world over  
Shall hold this heart or hand.


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews and comments, enjoy the chapter, we hope you don't cry too much.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty.**

Norman was very worried about Dixie now, he had noticed that as the weeks passed and Jeff showed no sign of calling or getting in touch with Dixie that she had begun to lose more and more weight. She had ordered new uniform twice as she got smaller, he had tried to talk to her about it but she insisted that she was fine and he wasn't to worry about her. Norman couldn't help but worry, Dixie wasn't herself at all now, she still did her job and took care of patients but she was quiet with them and only talked to them to get the necessary details. Dixie was working by herself on rapid response a lot of the time, she insisted that it was because she had to keep up with her paperwork but she had always managed it before when she was working on the crew properly. Whenever Norman saw her it always struck him how sad she looked, he had tried talking to her and including her in any plans that the team made to go out for a drink but she always refused. Norman was at a loss what to do, he thought about calling Jeff but something stopped him. Jeff had asked him to keep it away from Dixie that he had called and asked about her but Dixie wasn't coping, no matter how many times she insisted that she was fine.

It had been noticed by many people in the department that Dixie had changed a lot since Jeff left and not for the better. Her smile hadn't been seen for a very long time and her usual banter and jokes with the staff had disappeared a long time ago. She simply handed over patients and then left once they were with the doctors. Those that took the time to look noticed that the new Dixie they were left with was one that was filled with sadness and heartbreak. Tess shared Norman's worries about Dixie, he'd talked to her one day when he couldn't keep it to himself any more and she had promised to try and help. Tess was at a loss of how to help Dixie, she'd tried inviting her out for a drink and even around for dinner but all of the invites were refused. She'd gone out with the paramedics one day in an attempt to get Dixie to talk but she refused to talk about anything that had happened or why she had suddenly started losing weight so rapidly. Tess was very willing to bet that it was because she was hurting over losing Jeff, she knew that Dixie still loved him, even if she said she didn't.

Dixie didn't understand why people were so interested in her life, she wanted them to back off and leave her alone. She didn't want to spend time with them or go out for drinks, what was the point? The only person she really talked to was Polly, it was hard to refuse the young woman when she had questions. Dixie knew that she was still the boss and she would do her job no matter what was going on in her personal life, such as it was. She was finding it hard but there was no way that she would tell anyone else that. It was as if she couldn't function properly without Jeff around, she had scoffed at the idea of people being incomplete without someone in their life but now she was beginning to realise what they meant. There were still times when she would start to call Jeff's name and she would have to stop herself because she'd realised that he was no longer there. Night after night she sat in the lounge writing letters to Jeff telling him how much she missed him and how she wanted him to come home. She never sent them, they all ended up shredded and in the bin as she didn't want anyone reading her words.

Norman was still thinking how to help Dixie, she was having to work with him today as Stevie was taking a few days off. It was all quiet in the cab of the ambulance as they waited for a shout to come. He noticed that Dixie was still pulling up Jeff's number on her phone and then closing the phone book again. Sometimes she would write messages and then delete them after she had finished. Norman wondered what she was writing but he didn't want to get close and have a look as he thought it was private. Sometimes he would catch Dixie closing her eyes and breathing deeply, it looked as if she had remembered something painful and was trying to work her way through it without crying. The fact that Dixie no longer cried worried Norman too, she was keeping her pain inside. Crying relieves pain and helps people feel better, by refusing to cry Dixie was only making her pain last longer. Norman really was at a loss for how to help her.

Dixie fidgeted in her seat, why did it have to be a quiet day? She wanted it to be busy so that she could take her mind off the mess she had made of her life. She thought of her dad, he would be disappointed in her, even more than he already was when he died. What had she done to make him proud of her? She had one chance to make him happy and she had blown it, Jeff had gone and he wasn't coming back. The familiar stab of pain at the thought of it ripped through her again. Dixie wondered again how long it would take for the divorce to come through, had Jeff started it? Was he talking to a lawyer right now? He hadn't called or sent her a message since he went to London, he obviously didn't want anything to do with her now. She wondered what he was up to; was he working, was he out with a new woman on his arm? Dixie shuddered at the thought and stared out of the window, he was her Jeffrey and he always would be in her mind.

She hadn't touched his room, she hadn't been in there since the day that she went around the house and made notes on the changes she wanted to make in the house. Dixie knew that she should probably go in there and do some cleaning, but, she just couldn't. Every time she went to go in there she stopped herself, the room was full of memories and she wasn't strong enough to face them. She cleaned the rest of the house whenever she had the time, it was hard as she was working long shifts and most of the time all she had the energy for was falling into bed at the end of the day. Dixie still walked Little Abs, but, she avoided the field where she had walked him with Jeff. Painful memories lived there and she was avoiding them just as she was the ones in Jeff's bedroom.

Dixie still held onto Jeff's shirt at night, it had lost all of his scent but she still felt the need to keep hold of it as she slept. She had taken to letting Little Abs in her bedroom with her at night for company and warmth, he was all she had left of the man she loves. Dixie sighed, her days off were coming up again, in a week she would be at home and totally at a loss for what to do with them. Most of the time she watched mindless television to stop her thinking about Jeff, though most of the time it didn't work as she saw something that he would like or something that he would laugh at and it brought back all the familiar feelings of pain and anguish that she thought she had been able to banish. Who was she kidding? This would be her life now, the feelings of being incomplete and lost, without her Jeffrey she was doomed to be half a person forever. He had taken the most important part of her with him when he left, he had taken her heart.

Dixie was still having dreams of Jeff and she would wake up thinking that he had come home to her, but, he was never there, she was always alone and she wished that she could stop dreaming of him. Waking up after one of the dreams was always painful, her pillow was always wet where the tears had soaked into it. Dixie was determined not to cry during the day, she would make people think that she okay if it was the last thing that she did. She didn't want them fussing around or making sympathetic faces at her, she was fed up of it.

She wasn't sure how much weight she had lost but she was two sizes smaller than she used to be and looked thinner. She'd taken her rings off as they kept twisting around her finger but she had put them onto a chain around her neck and kept them there instead. Dixie was still paying close attention to what she ate and drank, she didn't want to start putting the weight back on again. If she did that then all of the hard work that she had put in would be lost and it would have all been for nothing. Dixie was determined that she wouldn't be fat ever again and nobody would call her names or be able to say things to her like Jeff did.

Dixie got herself changed after her shift, the paperwork was done and she just wanted to go home, she'd waited until those that were going out for a drink had left so they wouldn't ask her and then she left to go home. She barely noticed the steps that she took until they brought her to the front door of her house. She let Little Abs out in the garden, she didn't really have the energy to walk him tonight, she was tired and feeling irritable after the quiet day. She put a weight watchers meal in the microwave and ate it without really tasting it, eating food had become a chore rather than pleasurable and she just wanted to get it out of the way.

Dixie looked at herself in the mirror as she cleaned her teeth and washed her face, her cheekbones were more defined now and she had lost the weight in her face that made her look fat. She picked up her hairbrush and brushed out her hair, it had grown longer and needed dyeing again but she couldn't get up the enthusiasm to do it. It needed time and effort and with the way she was feeling right now it just wasn't an option. Dixie got herself dressed in her pyjamas, she went around the house and made sure that every door and window was locked securely and then checked them again, now that Jeff wasn't here she didn't feel as safe in the house at night. She let Little Abs out in the garden again and then locked the back door too. She closed all the doors and then put the alarm on, waiting until it had finished and checking that it was working before she went upstairs, turned off the light and climbed into bed. Little Abs lay next to her and she tried to take comfort from him being there with her.

Dixie stared at the space Jeff would have occupied as she held his shirt against her chest. 'Godnight Jeffrey, are you safe? Do you still think of me at all? Are you missing me? I love you, I've tried to stop but I don't know how. Please come home.' Dixie rubbed her eyes and blinked to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. 'I miss you Jeffrey,' Dixie whispered into the room in the hope that he would hear her in London and come back to her. The tears that she didn't cry any more flowed down Dixie's cheeks until she eventually fell asleep still holding Jeff's shirt in her arms.


	31. Chapter Thirty-One

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews and comments, enjoy the chapter...**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-One.**

'I would like to thank you all for coming today, even though I am the last person you think should be standing here talking to you after everything I have said and done.' Jeff started his talk looking out over his friends, colleagues and family. It was so sad that he was seeing them again under the current circumstances, he knew they hated him for what he put Dixie through, he couldn't blame them, but, he needed them right now, now more than ever.

The past three weeks had been a complete blur for him, he had no idea what the day was any more or what he should be doing, he couldn't function properly. He looked over at his nephew, Jamie, sat in the front row trying to give him encouragement in the form of a smile, he knew more than anyone how hard Jeff was finding his life now. Jeff took a deep breath before he turned once more to address those gathered.

'I can remember the first time Dixie and I met, I called her princess and she nearly bit my head off. I was a bit of an idiot that day, I was trying to impress her, I honestly thought I could wrap her around my finger you know. How wrong I was. I don't think it helped that I asked for photographic evidence of her being a lesbian, maybe not the wisest of moves I made on my first day. I never realised back then that I would end up marrying and loving the woman so much. Dixie always wore the trousers in our friendship and relationship, I lived under the thumb. I wouldn't have had it any other way mind you.'

Jeff looked over at the coffin that was in the middle feeling tears falling down his face as he thought back over their first meeting and how far they had come together since then. He couldn't believe that he would be coming back to Holby to speak at her funeral; he didn't even get the chance to apologise for what he had said to her, to tell her that he loves her unconditionally and forever. Jeff knew he would never get that chance again; Dixie died thinking that he hated her, thinking that he didn't love her or care for her any more. How wrong she was.

The phone call came out of the blue, Jeff remembered the day well. He had just finished another round of night shifts and had gone home to get some sleep; he had finally drifted off clutching Dixie's scarf before he was woken by his ring tone blasting through the silent flat. 'Jeff, its Tess.'  
'What's wrong?' Jeff asked, panic and worry evident in his voice.  
'It's Dixie, she is in hospital and you are down as her next of kin, I need you to come back to Holby.'

'Tess…..Tess…. what happened to her? Please tell me.' Jeff was becoming frantic with worry, surely Dixie was fine and it was nothing to worry about? 'Jeff, we can talk more when you get here, but, we do need you here.' And with that, Tess was gone.

Jeff sat in his bed not knowing what to do, his mind was racing with a million thoughts and scenarios as to why Dixie could be in hospital, nothing made sense. He got up and threw on some clothes grabbing his keys, phone and her scarf before racing out of the door and back to Holby. En route, he tried to call Norman, but just kept on getting his voicemail, he even tried phoning Jamie, but, again, nothing. The silence was worrying Jeff no end, what had happened to Dixie?

Nothing in his wildest dreams prepared him for what he was hit with as he arrived at the hospital and no amount of preparation prepared him for having to talk about his best friend, his wife and lover at her funeral. Jeff took another deep breath before he started speaking once more.

'Dixie was a lovely person, yeah, she had a big mouth and would often say what she was thinking. You always knew when she was in a good mood or when you needed to stay away and hide in some remote cave off the Gulf of Mexico or something.' Jeff sniggered as the congregation laughed and nodded in agreement. 'She was never one for beating around the bush was my Dixie, if it had to be said, she would say it, Louise will tell you, she was on the receiving end of Dixie's mood numerous times.' Jeff looked over at the young receptionist who smiled and nodded in his direction before wiping her own eyes.

Again, Jeff found himself staring at the coffin that contained the body of his wife, his lover, his soul mate and thought back over all the times he had kept his distance when she went off on one about Louise. He had lost count of the nights and days she would moan about Miss Goody two Shoes as she called her, Jeff realised that he would never hear her voice again, he would do anything to hear her Northern tones once more. He wanted more than anything for Dixie to jump out of the Coffin, make everyone jump and talk to him, he didn't care if she shouted at him, as long as he could hear her voice once more.

'Dixie loved her job, she was always such a caring person, no matter who you were, she would drop things instantly and be there to help and support everyone. She did it with me often enough. Dixie was never one to talk about her past or her upbringing, I only know so much about it myself. She was an only child, I can remember asking her if it bothered her and if she missed not having brothers or sisters, she would always tell me that she was fine with it and it never bothered her in the slightest. She worried though, she was always wondering what her parents would be thinking of her as they looked over her from above.' Jeff looked up at the ceiling as if to talk to Dixie, 'you are with them now my beautiful Princess and I bet they are proud of who you became, I know I am and always will be.'

Jeff continued to choke back the tears, he had to remain strong and calm, but, it was all becoming too much for him, he needed her right now, he needed her to come running down the aisle and fall into his arms. He had let her down so much, if anyone deserved to be in the coffin, it was him, not her.

'Jeff, I need you to sit down and listen to me carefully.' Zoe spoke calmly as she directed Jeff to the relatives room where Norman and Jamie were already sat. 'Dixie was on a shout with Norman when she was hit by a van driving at full speed down the interchange. The driver simply ignored the police stop signs and ploughed straight into her as she ran across the carriageway to get to the ambulance.'

'I tried to revive her Jeff, I really did try.' Norman interjected, voice shaking with emotion as Jamie placed his hand on the man's shoulder to comfort him. 'Jeff, I am so sorry, there was nothing we could have done for Dixie, she died instantly.' Jeff started to shake his head in disbelief, Dixie wasn't dead, she couldn't be dead,  
'No, Zoe, she can't be, please tell me she isn't… oh God…. No, not my Dixie, please not my Dixie.' Jeff shouted as tears overcame him, his Dixie really was gone; he was never going to get her back.  
'I know I should be talking about her life and what she did, but, I want to talk about Dixie and what she has left behind.'

Jeff continued as strongly as he could after recalling the moment he was told that his precious princess was no longer with him. 'When we married, it was never romantic, it was more companionship, this woman meant the world to me and still does. Our relationship changed a few months ago, we became lovers and it was perfect. You all know what happened to break us up and you all know what I said to her when we fell out. I was an idiot, trust me, no one with their words or actions could hurt me any more than I am already hurting inside right now. I will never get to see my Dixie again, I will never be able to hold her hand again, cuddle her, kiss her, talk to her, have her in my home, work with her or make love to her again. I have lost the person who meant everything and more to me, she is missing from all our lives now. She has touched us all in so many ways over the years, as much as she infuriated us with her singing and dancing at the pub or her loud laugh as she raced through the ED, she was special, no, is special. Words will never describe how we are all feeling right now, how I am feeling right now. '

Jeff turned to face the coffin once more stepping away from the lectern to stand next to it placing his hand on it looking into Dixie's eyes on the photo that was displayed on top of it. Jeff made no effort to stop sobbing, he didn't care that they were all hearing him, he needed to say it, he wanted to say it. 'Dixie, my beautiful Dixie, you didn't deserve this, you didn't deserve to be taken from this world and me so cruelly. I never told you this to your face when you were still with us, and I hope to God you can hear me now. I love you so much Princess, always have and always will. I will never replace you, I could never replace you. I am so sorry for everything I said to you, sorry for moving to London and not having the courage to call you. I didn't mean anything I said to you, I wish I could take it all back, turn back time, maybe if I could, you would still be here with me and none of this would be happening. Dixie, my Dixie, please don't leave me. I can't cope without you; I need you to come back to me Dix, please. PLEASE.' Jeff collapsed onto the floor sobbing uncontrollably as Jamie stood up and walked over to his Uncle guiding him back to his seat.

Jeff couldn't look any more as Dixie's coffin disappeared from view; he didn't even take in what people were saying to him as Jamie led him out of the crematorium into the fresh air. Jeff didn't want to look at all the flowers that had been laid out for Dixie, he couldn't bring himself to. He wanted her back, he needed her back. He spent days wandering around the home he used to share with her, he didn't know what to do with himself, everywhere he went reminded him of Dixie, reminded him of the fact that she was no longer there, he was well and truly alone. Everyday Jeff would visit Dixie at the cemetery, he would just sit on the grass in front of her rose bush and plaque talking to her, telling her about what he had been doing, what Abs was up to, how much he misses her, how much he loves her and wants her back. Jeff would often lay on the ground looking up at the sky wondering if Dixie was looking down on him, whether she was still upset with him.

He wondered if she would want to see him again when it was his time to leave this earth, he hoped and prayed that they would be united again. Each and every time, fresh tears would fall from his eyes, he wasn't complete without Dixie, he needed her. Why did this have to happen to his princess?

Jeff sat bolt upright in his bed, tears streaming down his face sobbing into a silent room, he turned immediately to his right to wake Dixie up, but his hand fell onto an empty space beside him, Dixie wasn't there. Jeff turned on the bedside lamp shaking uncontrollably before looking around. Where was he? He didn't recognise where he was? His whole body was shaking, tears were falling, and that was one hell of a nightmare. It was so vivid, so real that it really frightened him and made him think of Dixie now more than ever. Was she safe? Who was protecting her? Jeff remembered where he was, what had happened. He was in his flat in London, it was all a dream, but, too close to reality for his liking. He tried to calm his breathing down before looking at the clock – 7.30am.

His heart stopped as his mobile started to ring out, Jeff stared at the screen, it was Tess. 'Oh God, no, please no.' Fear gripped him instantly, was his dream about to come true? Jeff shakily picked up his mobile, pressing the answer button before bringing it up to his ear. 'Jeff, its Tess.'  
'What's wrong?' Jeff asked, panic and worry evident in his voice.  
'It's Dixie, she is in hospital and you are down as her next of kin, I need you to come back to Holby.'

'Tess…..Tess….what happened to her? Please tell me.' Jeff was becoming frantic with worry, surely Dixie was fine and it was nothing to worry about? His dream cannot be coming true can it?  
'Jeff, we can talk more when you get here, but, we do need you here.' And with that, Tess was gone.


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews and comments, welcome to Sarahloulabellx, thank you for reading and your comment. Do you want to find out what happened to Dixie?  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Two.**

Dixie sat at her desk with her head in her hands, she was going to have to call the agency and get another paramedic to help them out for the day. Stevie was still away and Jackie had called in sick as she had caught the bug that was going around. Dixie was preparing herself for more of her staff to go off sick, she wasn't feeling that great herself as she had found it hard to sleep when she got home from her shift, night shifts were always difficult as you had to sleep during the day. Dixie took another sip of her coffee and picked up the phone, she tapped in the number for the agency and waited until somebody answered. 'Hello, this is Kathleen Collier from Holby, I need a paramedic for a shift tonight.'

'Okay, I'll just call up a list of people in your area.' Dixie wondered for how much longer she would be Collier before she would have to go back to her own surname. Dixie tapped her fingers impatiently on the desk as she waited for the man on the other end to start talking again. 'We have a few paramedics that are able to work immediately, Tamzin Bayle is the closest and has worked at Holby before.'

'Do you have anyone else?' Dixie's heart had almost stopped when she heard Tamzin's name; she would not have her working here ever again. 'Nicholas Harker is the next closest and he is available right now.'

'All right.'

'He will be with you as soon as possible.'

'Thank you.'

'Is there anything else I can help you with?'

'No, that is all.'

'Goodbye Mrs Collier.' Dixie said goodbye and put the phone down, she sat back in her chair and yawned, morning would soon be upon them.

Dixie had noticed that she had been feeling tired lately, she had been feeling sick occasionally too. Dixie hoped that she wasn't coming down with the bug that everyone had been getting, she couldn't get it now, there were enough people off sick without her joining them. Dixie stood up, she was going to take a walk in the hope that it would clear her head and make her feel a bit better. Dixie steadied herself on the door frame, she had obviously stood up too quickly and it had made her feel a bit faint. Norman approached Dixie as she left her office and she smiled at him, she wondered if he knew that her smiles were fake, he probably did. 'Dixie, are you all right?'

'Yeah, I'm fine.'

'Are you sure? You look pale and a bit tired.'

'Thanks for asking Norman, but, I'm all right. I'm probably just getting that bug that is going about.'

'You should go home and rest if that is the case.' Dixie knew that Norman meant well but she didn't want to spend another night at home by herself and thinking of Jeff.

'If I start being sick then I will go home. I'm just going to take a walk, the night air will clear my head and help me feel better. If a shout comes in for us, could you take it with Polly?'

'Of course I will.'

'Thanks Norman.' Dixie headed out of the station and around the side of the building, she just needed a break from being Duty Manager for a while.

Dixie's thoughts turned to Jeff as she walked slowly around the hospital grounds; was he working a night shift too? She often wondered if he was safe and if his partner was looking after him. The agency paramedic would be here soon to start his shift and she hoped that he was competent. Hearing Tamzin's name had made Dixie think about the time she had caught her and Jeff kissing, it still hurt to think about it. Tears sipped down Dixie's face and she brushed them away, the feelings of nausea and dizziness that she had been experiencing earlier had returned but it was stronger this time. Dixie tried to steady herself against the wall and cried out in pain as cramps worked their way through her stomach, slowly the dizziness and pain became unbearable and she sat down against the wall. 'Jeff, I need you,' Dixie whispered and wrapped her arms around her stomach to try and stop it hurting. 'Jeff,' Dixie whispered again and tears streamed down her face as she lay on the floor to try and stop the world spinning. Dixie closed her eyes, the pain, dizziness and nausea was too much for her and she passed out, her last thought was of Jeff and if he would come to her now that she needed him.

Norman was worried about Dixie, nobody had seen her since she left for a walk, she hadn't come back and that was unlike her. Norman retraced Dixie's steps and he hoped that he would find her and she would be all right. Norman took out his phone and called Dixie's number, he heard it ringing not far away from him and he headed towards the sound. He called her phone again when the voice mail message started and turned it off when he saw Dixie lying on the ground. Norman ran over to her and sat down beside her. 'Dixie, can you hear me?' There was no response from Dixie and he checked her head and neck for any injuries, he checked Dixie's breathing and was relieved to feel her breath on his cheek. He checked Dixie's pulse and then picked her up in his arms. 'It's all right Dixie, I've got you now, you're going to be just fine.' Norman hoped that he was right and that Dixie was going to be okay, her skin was cold and who knew how long she had been out there.

Norman moved quickly towards the E.D and burst through the doors. 'Can I have some help here please?' He noticed that some of the staff were staring in shock at Dixie who was still unconscious in his arms. Tess and Dylan ran over to him and Big Mac brought a trolley over to them. Norman carefully laid Dixie down on the bed and they went straight into resus. 'Dixie Collier, 42, found collapsed outside the hospital. She's bradycardic with a pulse of 55, a GCS of five and has been outside for an extended period of time, possibly up to an hour.' Tess linked Dixie up to the monitor whilst Dylan put a line in and started running warmed saline through it in an attempt to warm Dixie up and bring her temperature back to normal. Tess looked at the readings coming off the monitor while she took Dixie's pulse. 'Pulse rate is still bradycardic at 55 and blood pressure is 90 over 60.'

'Tess, if anything changes I want to know about it.'

'Okay.' Dylan put the blood sample he had taken from Dixie into the portable testing machine and tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the results.

Tess went over to Norman and put her hand on his shoulder. 'What happened?'

'I don't know, I came back from a shout and found her lying on the floor outside. If only I had gone looking for her sooner.'

'You can't blame yourself Norman, she's with us now and she will be all right.'

'I hope you're right, I will never forgive myself if she isn't.' Norman felt guilty, he knew that Dixie was feeling ill, he should have insisted that she get herself checked out and then they would have found whatever it was that had made her collapse before it happened. Norman waited as Dylan scanned the results from Dixie's blood test, he hoped that whatever was wrong with her could be reversed and she would make full recovery. 'Dylan, what's wrong with Dixie?'

'Dixie has Hypokalemia or in other words, low levels of potassium in her blood.'

'How low?' Norman was worried, he knew that the treatment of Dixie's condition could cause her to go into cardiac arrest if enough care wasn't taken with it. '2.3 millequivalents per litre, it is low but not low enough that we can't do anything about it,' Dylan said and turned to Tess. 'Call the pharmacy and let them know we need six bags of 10mEq per 100ml potassium for replacement therapy through IV access.' Tess nodded and went to the phone, she relayed Dylan's instructions to the pharmacy staff and then she put the handset down.

'They're on their way.'

'Good.' Norman bit his nails as they waited for the delivery of the potassium from the pharmacy, every second of delay was enough time for Dixie to get worse and he didn't want that.

Tess assisted Dylan with linking the bag of potassium fluid to Dixie's IV line. 'Only one of these bags per hour, Dixie must be closely monitored throughout the process and she is not to be left alone. If it looks like she is getting worse or her blood pressure and pulse do not start returning to normal then I am to be informed immediately, is that clear Tess?'

'Yes, I'll stay with her.'

'Good.' Dylan left the room and Tess found herself alone with Norman.

'Are you all right Norman?'

'I don't know, I should have insisted that she get herself checked out.'

'It is because of you that Dixie is in here now and being treated, you saved her life.'

'I wish it hadn't come to this.'

'So do we all.' It was always hard when a colleague was brought in to the E.D; everyone spent so much time working together that it was natural they all became close and like family. Tess checked Dixie's monitor, she wasn't getting any worse and it was going to be a while before she showed any improvement. Her potassium levels would be replaced slowly over six hours and then they would be tested again two hours after the infusion had finished if all went well. 'I should call Jeff.'

'Why?' Norman seemed put out that she wanted to call the man he held responsible for Dixie's decline.

'He's still listed as Dixie's next of kin.'

'Oh, I suppose that you'll have to.'

'Stay with Dixie while I go and call Jeff.'

'Of course I will.' Norman waited until Tess had left and he took Dixie's hand in his. 'I'm sorry Dixie, I should have insisted that you got help sooner. You will be all right, Tess and Dylan are taking good care of you.' Norman was pleased to feel that Dixie's skin had warmed up a little bit since she had been inside the hospital. Norman picked up a spare blanket and covered Dixie with it, he wondered if Tess had had any luck in getting in touch with Jeff.

Tess sat down in her office, she looked at the number on the piece of paper and dialled Jeff's number, he was Dixie's next of kin and he had to know what was happening. The ringing of the phone sounded in her ear until Jeff picked up. 'Jeff, its Tess.'  
'What's wrong?' Tess heard the panic and worry in Jeff's voice, she felt sorry for him, breaking bad news to people about their loved ones was the worst part of her job.

'It's Dixie, she is in hospital and you are down as her next of kin, I need you to come back to Holby.'

'Tess…..Tess…. what happened to her? Please tell me.' Tess was certain that Jeff was still in love with Dixie, she could hear it in his voice. 'Jeff, we can talk more when you get here, but, we do need you here.' Tess hated to leave it like that but she had to get back to Dixie and keep a check on her, someone was going to have to be with her at all times throughout the next six hours. Tess had always liked Dixie, they'd had their moments of arguing and disagreements but right now Dixie was her patient and in need of someone to help her.

Norman looked up as Tess came back. 'Did you get in touch with Jeff?'

'I did, I think he's on his way.'

'Okay, I have to go as Polly is on her own, will you keep me informed?'

'Of course I will.'

'Thanks Tess.'

'No problem Norman.' Tess went over to Dixie and checked her monitor and the IV, the first bag was about half way done and Dixie had begun to show a small amount of improvement. She had a long way to go still but it was a start. Tess sat down at the head of Dixie's bed and noted down her observations on the chart at the end of the bed. Tess put the chart back and held Dixie's hand. 'Jeff, my Jeffrey.' Tess barely heard Dixie whisper Jeff's name, she stroked Dixie's hair to calm her.

'He's coming, at least I hope he is.' Tess wasn't sure if Jeff would come to Holby, would he be too afraid of seeing Dixie ill or too ashamed of himself and his actions to turn up? Tess hoped that Jeff would come to Holby, whether Dixie admitted it or not she needed Jeff to be with her right now.


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**************************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1, Carlykinz and Sarahloulabellx for your reviews and your patience in waiting for this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Three.**

Jeff remained sitting bolt upright in his bed; he was still holding his mobile phone shaking uncontrollably. Surely his dream wasn't about to come true, surely Dixie wasn't dead; she couldn't be dead – could she? Jeff really didn't know what to think, he didn't know what to do. He wanted to run back to Holby and be with her, but, at the same time, if she had died, he didn't think he would be strong enough to deal with it, he didn't want to deal with it.  
It took Jeff a few minutes to calm himself down, he wasn't thinking logically and he had to. He couldn't help it; his mind was on one thing, and one person only, Dixie. Was she all right? Would I be able to speak to her and tell her how much I love her? Jeff felt fresh tears threatening to fall, what if she had died, or, what if she died before he got back to Holby, would she ever know how much he was sorry and how much he loves her?

'Pull yourself together Jeffrey, your Dixie needs you.' He said to himself out into his empty bedroom. No matter what was awaiting him back in Holby, he knew he needed to go and get there quickly. Jeff had a chance to put things right and he was going to take it. There was a risk Dixie would reject him once he got there, but, he was hoping she wouldn't, he needed her, he wanted her.

Jeff had four days off work, so, he didn't need to arrange cover just yet, he had enough time to make it to Holby and then he would see what needed to be done once he was there. Jeff jumped out of his bed and threw on some clothes before flinging more into a small suitcase along with the essentials; he intended on staying in Holby for the next few days, so, would need something to wear. The last thing Jeff picked up before he walked out of his flat was Dixie's scarf; he would keep this close to him throughout his journey back to his Dixie.

The drive back was long, he wanted to speed it up, but, it seemed everyone was out to get him and driving really slowly as if they were stopping him getting back in time. Jeff tried calling Norman on his hands free but got no answer, this only served to panic him even more. He even tried calling Tess again, but, she wasn't picking up either. He had one more number to try; surely someone would pick up and talk to him?

'Holby ED can I help you?'  
'Louise, Louise its Jeff.' He shouted at the phone that was hanging in its cradle on the dashboard.  
'Oh, hello Jeffrey, what can I do for you?' She replied coldly.  
'Tess called me, she said Dix is there, Louise, is she OK?'  
'What do you think? Would she be admitted to an ED if she was OK?'  
'Shit Louise, don't mess me around, tell me what is going on.' Jeff demanded.  
'All I know is that she is here and is being treated, I can't tell you any more than that.'  
'What the fuck do you mean you can't tell me any more? I am her fucking husband.' Jeff bellowed at his phone which almost fell out of the cradle at the force of his tone.  
'Some husband you turned out to be, what you did to her was unforgivable. I know I am not her biggest fan, but, it was uncalled for Jeff.'  
'Louise stop with the act and tell me what is going on with My Dixie.'  
'Sorry Jeff, Tess says you will be told when you get here. I presume you are on your way?'  
'Yes I am.' And with that, Jeff hung up cursing at the receptionist. She was right, what sort of Husband was he to do what he did to his wife? He felt bad enough without her rubbing it in.

This conversation only served to panic him even more; he had to get back to her and quickly. He couldn't understand why they wouldn't tell him over the phone, they only did that if something serious had happened. He could feel the lump forming in his throat again, she had to be all right. Jeff pleaded with the man upstairs to let his Dixie still be alive; he didn't want his dream to become a reality.  
Jeff didn't stop at any service station ignoring his need for the toilet and need for caffeine, if he stopped he would be delayed and anything could happen to Dixie in that time, he wasn't prepared to take the risk.

Jeff raced through the ED entrance running straight up to reception where Noel was, Jeff was glad Louise wasn't there, he couldn't face her right now without lashing out. 'Noel, mate, where is Tess and where is Dix?'  
'Ah, came back did you?'  
'Noel, I haven't got time for, nor am I in the mood for your wise cracks. Now, where are Tess and My Dixie?'  
'HDC.' As soon as this word left his mouth, Jeff was gone and through the doors heading straight for HDC. He felt slightly relieved, he knew from that that Dixie was alive, but she must be in a bad way to be in HDC. He still had no idea what had happened to Dixie and it frightened him considerably. As he rounded the corner, Jeff bumped into Dylan.

'Ah, Mr Collier, the wanderer returns I see.'  
'Umm, Yeah.'  
'Right, well Mrs Collier is in HDC, she hasn't yet come round and we are monitoring her closely.'  
'What do you mean hasn't yet come round, Dylan, what's going on with my wife?'  
'Concerned are you? Something pulling at your conscience is there?'  
'Dylan, please.' Jeff could feel everyone looking at him, he could sense their looks of disappointment and anger towards him, he knew he wasn't Mr Popular at the moment, nevertheless, he pleaded all the same.

'She has low levels of potassium; I think that her dramatic decrease in weight over such a short space of time caused her to black out. She was found by one of your colleagues at the back of the Ambulance station, no one knows how long she was there for. Anyway, we have her on a potassium replacement treatment plan at the moment, we are aiming to replace and restore her levels over the next six hours. As I am sure you are aware, there is a risk that Mrs Collier…'  
'Dixie Dylan, her name is Dixie.' Jeff interrupted, he always hated how cold Dylan sounded when he talked about patients, especially when he knew Dixie reasonably well. 'Yes, well, as I was saying. Mrs Collier could go into cardiac arrest if we replace her potassium too quickly. She is very poorly Mr Collier and needs close monitoring. Tess is with her in HDC. If you want to go in and see her, by all means do so.' Dylan swiftly turned on his heel and walked off leaving Jeff stood there trying to digest and take in everything he had said to him. Dixie had gone for the dieting, Jeff knew she would have done, but, what did he mean by a drastic weight loss, what had she done to herself? Jeff felt his guilt returning, if only I hadn't have said she could stand to lose a few pounds, she wouldn't be in this situation, it is my entire fault yet again. Do I really deserve her love and forgiveness now?

Jeff slowly walked in the direction of HDC stopping just outside the door, he saw Tess sat in a chair holding Dixie's hand rubbing it softly; she was keeping a close eye on the drip and monitors. Jeff looked at the form on the bed, she was in a hospital gown with her uniform folded neatly on the stool beside her, Jeff felt physically sick as he saw drips and monitors all hooked up to his Dixie, she wasn't well and it was all his doing.

Taking a deep breath, Jeff pushed open the door and stepped in causing Tess to look up and raise a small smile. Jeff just kept his eyes fixed on Dixie as he gingerly walked up to the opposite side of the bed being careful not to knock the wires. She had lost weight; she had lost a shed load of weight. Her face was thinner, her cheek bones were more defined and her neck was smaller. Jeff looked at the bags under her eyes and her pale complexion. He noticed that her hair hadn't been coloured but had grown considerably longer. He was lost for words; he didn't know what to say as he traced a pattern over her body with his eyes, everything about her was that much smaller. 'Dix, what have you done to yourself?' Jeff whispered as he rubbed small circles on her left hand noticing the absence of her wedding and engagement rings.

'Jeff, Dixie is very poorly right now, we are doing everything we can for her, but, it is going to be a little while before we see any improvement.' Tess said as sympathetically as she could. She knew what Jeff had done and as much as she wanted to give him a piece of her mind, she could see in his eyes how much he was hurting, how much he had been hurting, that was punishment enough. 'Who found her?' Jeff whispered not taking his eyes off Dixie.  
'Norman did, he is very worried about Dixie, he has been for a while. We both have.'  
'Tess, what have I done?'  
'You were angry Jeff, we all say things we don't mean when we are angry.'  
'But, she took what I said to the letter, I told her she could do with losing some weight and she goes and does this.'  
'You cannot blame yourself for everything Jeff. Dixie knew what she was doing, she isn't silly, but, she wasn't thinking straight.'  
'I can't think straight, I haven't been able to think straight for months.'

Tess sighed, she could clearly see his emotions written all over his face, he was struggling, 'Jeff, come and sit here, you can hold her hand and be closer to her.' Tess got up from the chair and guided the man over to it making sure he was sat comfortably with Dixie's hand firmly in his own. Tess looked at the couple, she could see how much love Jeff still had for her, she had the perfect opportunity to get him to open up, if he still wanted Dixie, she would help them get back together.  
Taking a second chair, Tess sat next to Jeff and looked over him as he looked down on Dixie, tears were already streaming down his face, he was finding this so very hard. 'Jeff, do you love her?' Tess asked softly, she didn't know why she had asked that question first, but, it was out in the open now, the answer he gave would be a sign as to what she would need to do next.

Jeff nodded as he tried to swallow back more tears that were already on the verge of spilling down his face.  
'Tell me what you are thinking.'  
'That she doesn't deserve me being here, not after what I said and did.'  
'Go on, tell her.'  
'I don't think I can Tess.' Jeff said looking over at the Sister, eyes watering.  
'Yes you can Jeff, she is sleeping, tell her what you are thinking, how you are feeling.'  
Jeff turned back to look at the woman he called his wife, the woman who meant so much to him, the woman he loved more than words could every describe, the woman he had let down, the woman he had hurt with his words. If he was going to do it, he needed to start, now seemed like the right time.

'Dixie, my beautiful Dixie, I love you so much Princess, please don't leave me, please wake up and let me help you to get better. I am so sorry Dix, so very sorry. I don't think I can quite put into words how I am feeling about now. I would do anything to have you wake up and look at me. I would do anything Dix to see your deep blue eyes once more, hear your voice once more, I really would.'

Jeff felt Tess' comforting hand on his arm as he looked down to the floor letting out sobs; it took him a few minutes to compose himself once more before he could continue. 'I love her Tess, always have and always will. She is my world, my everything and my stupid words spoilt the best relationship I have ever had. She made me feel loved, made me feel special, I can't lose her, but I just don't know if she will want me back, if she will let me make it up to her.'  
'Jeff, Dixie is madly in love with you, she hasn't been the same since you left. She is quiet, hasn't smiled, lost all this weight, she isn't herself without you. It is obvious she is hurting and wants you back, you two simply cannot cope without each other. You are always together; we would never see one of you without the other. Jeff, what do you want right now?'  
'For my Dix to wake up, for her to be better, for her to forgive me, hold me and kiss me. I want to feel her arms around me, I want her to hold me close and tell me she wants me back. Tess, I want to come back, I don't want to be in London any more, my life is here with Dixie, I love her so much….' Jeff broke down once more moving over to bury his head into Dixie's side placing her arm around his neck as best as he could. She couldn't hug him back, but he could feel her on him which only served to make him cry even more as he realised just how much he had missed her touch on his skin. Tess watched him once more, he was an emotional wreck, she knew what she had to do and she needed to do it sooner rather than later. 'Jeff, let me help you.'  
'How?' He asked not moving his head from Dixie's side taking in her scent once more.  
'Do you trust me to do the right thing by you and Dixie?'  
Jeff nodded.  
'Back in a minute OK?'

Tess got up and left Jeff with Dixie, she stood at the door watching the broken man cry into his wife's body as he rubbed circles on her arm and hand. She stood and listened to him telling her how much he loves her, it pulled at her heart strings, Jeff needed help, Dixie needed help and she was the one that would do just that.


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**************************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews. Enjoy the chapter  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Four.**

Jeff sat by Dixie's bedside, he refused to move for any reason, he hadn't been there for her while she had been going through all of this by herself but he was determined to be there for her now. He held her hand and stroked the finger where her wedding and engagement ring used to be. What had she done with them? Had she taken them off the minute that he left? Jeff's heart felt as if it was going to break in two every time he looked at Dixie, she was still and quiet, totally unlike her. He just wanted her to wake up. 'They say that you should talk to people when they're unconscious, that they can hear you. I wonder if it is true, can you hear me, do you know that I'm here? My Dixie, I know that I don't have any right to call you that, not after what I said to you. What did you do with your rings princess? I remember the day that I gave your rings to you in the park not far from here, who knew that we'd end up in this situation. I don't know if you can hear me but I'm sorry, I never meant anything that I said, I never meant to hurt you. Please wake up princess, please.' Jeff buried his head into Dixie's neck and sobbed, he knew from the monitors that she was improving but she was still ill and he was feeling guilty, he had caused this, he was the reason Dixie was here and lying in a hospital bed.

Jeff wished that Dixie would wake up, she could shout at him, get angry and tell him to leave if only she would wake up. He wiped his eyes and slowly lifted his head from her neck. Jeff noticed the thin gold chain around Dixie's neck, he must have missed it before because he was so upset. He lifted the chain out from under Dixie's gown and the rings that were missing from her fingers slipped out and settled on her chest. Jeff was happy that Dixie hadn't got rid of her rings, the fact that they were around her neck proved to Jeff that they still meant something to Dixie. 'Princess, that day in the park means so much to me. You mean so much to me. I'm going to be here for you from now on if you want me to be. I won't leave you again, I promise.' Jeff felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Tess stood behind him. 'Jeff, Dixie is improving, her latest blood test has shown her potassium level is back to normal and she should wake up soon.'

'Thanks for letting me know.' Jeff felt Dixie's fingers move beneath his own and he took a deep breath. 'What if she wakes up and tells me to get out? I won't be able to handle that Tess. I know that I deserve it but it scares me that she will tell me to leave.'

'Why don't you let me talk to Dixie, I can see how she feels and then bring her to the park you keep talking about to meet you.'

'Okay.' Jeff kissed Dixie on the head and stood up. 'Look after her for me Tess.'

'Of course I will.' Jeff gave Tess directions to the park, he left the HDC and stood outside the door, he looked at Dixie one more time and walked out of the hospital, he just hoped that Dixie still wanted him in her life.

Jeff went around to the ambulance station, he had something to do before he went to the park. He kept his eyes down to avoid the gaze of the people that he used to work with. Jeff didn't have to see them to know that they hated him. He felt the weight of their gaze and their hatred towards him, no doubt they all knew that Dixie was in hospital and that it was his fault. Jeff found Norman sat in the front seat of an ambulance. 'Norman, can we talk?'

'You came back then did you?'

'Yeah, Tess told me that you found Dixie and brought her into the E.D.'

'I did, she was outside, I'm not sure how long for.'

'I just wanted to say thank you.'

'It didn't have to come to this Jeff. I told you to talk to Dixie.'

'I know, I wish that I had done.'

'You're here now, make the most of it, don't mess it up.' Norman got out of the ambulance and walked off, Jeff was certain that the conversation was over and he wasn't to follow Norman to wherever he was going. Jeff sensed that Norman was angry with him, he had every right to be, making it up to everyone was going to be hard.

Tess kept a very close eye on Dixie, the last of the potassium had been administered and Tess saw her move every so often. Dixie's eyelids fluttered and her eyes slowly opened, Tess stroked the back of Dixie's hand as she woke fully. 'Dixie, it's Tess.'

'Tess?'

'Yes, you're in the HDC.'

'Why?'

'You collapsed behind the ambulance station and Norman brought you in.' Dixie blinked a few times and she looked as if she was struggling to remember what happened. 'Your potassium levels dropped dangerously low and we had to help you.'

'How long have I been here?'

'About seven hours. You'll be pleased to know that your potassium levels have stabilised and once Dylan has checked you over then you can leave.'

'Oh, okay.'

'I'll just let Dylan know that you're awake, I'll be back shortly.' Tess smiled at Dixie and went to find Dylan.

Jeff sat down on the bench in the clearing where he had given Dixie her rings, he sighed, everything was such a mess. Norman was right, he should have talked to Dixie, he should have called her and begged her to forgive him. If he had called Dixie then she wouldn't have ended up in hospital. If he hadn't said all of those horrible things to Dixie then she wouldn't have been upset, she wouldn't have lost all of that weight. Jeff felt terribly guilty, he had crossed the line when he insulted Dixie's weight and look what had happened. Jeff didn't know if Dixie was going to forgive him or not, he couldn't blame her if she didn't. He was nervous, seeing Dixie while she was unconscious was one thing, seeing her while she was awake was going to be another thing entirely. It was going to hurt, Jeff knew that she was going to be quiet and quite unlike the Dixie that he used to know. A lot of horrible things had been said and they weren't going to go away easily. The question that had been plaguing him in the hospital came back; could they make it through this?

Dixie lay back in the bed that she had been given in HDC, she was feeling a bit tired, weary, was the word that came to mind. Miserable too, she was ill and from what Tess had said she had been very unwell when Norman first brought her in. Norman, she was going to have to thank him for his help, without him she would have still been outside and possibly beyond help. Dixie sighed, had anyone told Jeff? If they had, did he care that she was ill? Was he on his way here? Did she want to see him? It was strange, while she was unconscious she could have sworn that she heard Jeff talking to her and felt him burying his head into her body. She also thought that she smelled his scent near her and felt him stroking her hand. Tears slipped down her face, she must have been mistaken, everything that she felt must have been a hallucination caused by being unconscious.

Dixie wiped away her tears when Tess came back with Dylan, she didn't want them to know that she had been crying. 'Mrs Collier, we ran some tests while you were unconscious. Your blood test has shown that your potassium levels are back to normal. We ran an ECG and I am satisfied that the hypokalemia hasn't damaged your heart in any way. You will need to take it easy for a few days at home, it might be wise to take some time off work. If you start vomiting, have diarrhoea, a rapid irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, chest pain, muscle spasms or paralysis at any time then you must come back in. I shouldn't have to say this but you need to eat properly too.'

'Okay.'

'You are fit enough to be discharged, you may leave any time that you wish.'

'Thanks Dylan.' Dylan nodded and left Dixie with Tess in the HDC. 'Tess, could you get my clothes from my locker in the station please. I don't want to go home in my uniform.'

'Of course I will.'

'Thank you.' Dixie lay back against the pillow, she didn't really want to go home at all, going home meant that she would be alone.

Tess came back with Dixie's clothes and waited with her while she got dressed, she had also brought her a sandwich and made sure that she ate it. 'Thanks Tess.'

'You're welcome.'

'I suppose I should go home.'

'Dixie, I was hoping that I could convince you to come with me.'

'Why?'

'I think you need someone to talk to, you've been struggling alone and that isn't good for anyone.'

'It hurts to talk.'

'I know, I think that it needs to be done though. Come for a walk with me Dixie.'

'Okay.' Dixie sighed, Tess wasn't going to give up, she may as well give in and get the talking over with. There was a part of her that desperately needed to talk to someone about Jeff and the whole situation, Dixie sighed again, she missed him so much. It hurt that he hadn't come to her when she needed him the most.

Dixie walked next to Tess, she recognised the park, it was the one where Jeff had given her the rings that had been on her finger until they became in danger of falling off. She played with the necklace that held her rings, why had Tess brought her here, didn't she know that it held bad memories? 'Dixie, I think we both know why you ended up in hospital today.'

'Yeah, I wasn't eating properly.'

'I think it is more than that. Dixie, you've been struggling since Jeff left, we've all seen it. You haven't been yourself, Norman and myself have been worried about you for some time. We've seen the changes that have happened to you and we think that they aren't good ones.'

'I suppose not. It just hurts, I feel like my heart is in pieces, like it isn't working properly. I always used to think people were making it up when they said that a person was their other half. I thought they were being silly, until all of this started with Jeff. I understood what they meant, Jeff completes me. I know what happened between us was awful and we said a lot of horrible, nasty things to each other that we didn't mean. I don't know how it happened, I thought Jeff had betrayed me, I thought he kissed Tamzin and was lying to me when he said that she kissed him. He kept telling me over and over that he didn't do it but I didn't believe him.' Dixie took a deep breath, what if Jeff had been telling her the truth? What if he wasn't lying to her?

Jeff was hiding far enough away from the clearing so that Dixie wouldn't see him, it was all part of the plan that Tess had come up with. His nerves were getting the better of him, what if Dixie wasn't ready for this? She had been through a rough time today and what if by seeing him something happened to put her back in hospital. Jeff thought that he had done enough damage, every time he closed his eyes he saw Dixie lying in that hospital bed, unconscious, with the IV line going into her and machines monitoring her. It was his fault, he didn't need to know her weight to know that she had lost a lot, maybe more than she should have. Guilt moved through Jeff again, he knew without a doubt that it had been his comments that made her do this to herself. Jeff's dream was still fresh in his mind, Dixie could have died and it would have been his fault. He was going to make all of this up to Dixie, no matter what it took.

Tess didn't interrupt Dixie while she was talking, she needed to talk all of this through for however long it took. 'I always thought that nothing would come between us and in the end all it took was one agency paramedic. It hurt to see them kissing, I never thought that I would end up with a broken heart over a man.' Tess guided Dixie in the direction of the bench in the clearing, she hoped that Jeff had cleared off as they planned for him to. Tess wanted to find out what Dixie's feelings were for Jeff before he revealed himself to her.

'Dixie, I know this might be a hard question for you to answer, but, how do you feel about Jeff?' Tess saw Dixie swallow and then take a deep breath.

'I love him, I can't stop, I tried but it didn't work. I still think about him all of the time; where is he, what is he doing, is he safe, does he think of me, does he still love me? I can't stop loving him Tess and I miss him so much.' Tess put her arms around Dixie and hugged her, she really needed someone to hold her right now.

Dixie cried into Tess' shoulder, admitting how she felt about Jeff to someone had caused her tears to flow free. 'It hurts so much Tess, I miss Jeff, I am not myself without him. He's my other half and I need him back. I've tried so many times to call him and every time I lose my courage, I can't do it. Jeff has obviously forgotten me, I assume you called him when I was in the E.D as he's still my next of kin. The fact that he didn't come to see me obviously proves that he wants nothing to do with me now.'

'That's not true Dixie, Jeff still cares for you.'

'Does he? He's not here, if he cared then he would be here.'

'That's not true either, turn around Dixie.' Dixie turned to see Jeff stood at the entrance to the clearing, she just stared at him and waited for the moment when she would wake up, she had seen this so many times in her dreams and every time she had been disappointed when she woke up and found herself alone. Dixie wiped her eyes and Jeff didn't disappear, did that mean he was really here and back in Holby?


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews. Welcome to xfilesgem and thank you for reviewing. We hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Five.**

Dixie stood staring at the man in front of her, tears were streaming down her face at a rapid pace yet she made no attempt to brush them away. Was he really here? She kept asking herself this same question over and over again. She continued to blink a few times, but, when she opened her eyes, he was still there staring back at her. Dixie took in his features once more, he was wearing his trainers, blue jeans with his jacket done right up to near enough his neck. Dixie always loved how, whatever the weather, Jeff would insist on doing up his jacket, it was one of his little habits that she adored no end. She worked her blurred eyes up to his face, it hadn't changed one bit, he was still handsome, but, his eyes were red and sore, tears flowing freely from them as he stared back at her.

Dixie shook her head, he couldn't be here. She was lost for words; she didn't know what to think. This was all too much for her to take in. Dixie turned to Tess who was still stood next to her for confirmation that Jeff really was there in front of her. Tess nodded at the young Paramedic before placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as if to guide her towards him. Dixie stared at Tess trying to form a sentence, but nothing came out until she heard the one word that she craved and longed to hear once more. 'Princess.' That was it, Dixie knew instantly Jeff was there, he had come back for her. Without a second thought she ran around the bench and into Jeff's open arms. As soon as she got close to him, she flung her arms tightly around his waist as he pulled her into his body holding her close. Both buried their heads into the other's shoulders, taking in the familiar scents but crying uncontrollably at the contact they had been craving for so much and for so long.

Jeff held Dixie close to him, rubbing her head as he continued to cry into her, he could feel her shaking with tears beneath his arms, he had one person to thank for this and that was Tess. Without her, he didn't know if he would have had the courage to contact Dixie on his own. Jeff slowly lifted his head up from Dixie's shoulder as he made eye contact with the Sister. Although his eyes were sore and watering, he nodded at her before mouthing 'thank you.' Tess smiled in acknowledgement before she left the couple in the clearing, she had done all she could, the rest was down to them.

Jeff didn't know how long he had been stood holding Dixie, but, it wasn't long enough, he didn't want to let her go in case she shouted at him and ran off. He slowly moved his head away from her shoulder once more placing a soft and tender kiss to her cheek before she followed his action and moved away from him. Dixie didn't kiss his cheek back; she leant back staring at him instead. They both knew it was going to take more than a long hug, a few tears and a soft kiss to put the events of the last few months right. It was going to be hard, but, if they truly loved one another, it was something they needed to do. Slowly they moved so they were sat next to each other on the bench, the bench where this all started, the bench where Jeff asked Dixie to be his wife for real, it seemed somewhat fitting that they were here sat on that same bench. Would it help them start again? Or, will they come a complete circle and decide to separate?

Jeff was the first to break the silence, 'you scared me Princess, you scared me so much. Why did you do it? Why have you done this to yourself babe?' Deep down, he knew why, he knew it was his words that caused her to lose all this weight. Would she admit it? Was he ready to hear what she had to say to him? There was nowhere for Jeff to run now, it was time to face up to his actions.

'If I was thinner, no one could call me fat any more.'  
'Dix, you were never fat.' Jeff replied without taking another breath.  
'Yes I was, even you said I could stand to lose a few pounds, what was it you said to me? Oh yeah, who wants a woman who is over the hill and could stand to lose a few pounds. Remember that?' Jeff hung his head in shame as he nodded, he did remember saying that, for some reason having his own words, his own hurtful words thrown back at him was painful, it reminded him of the arguments they had had, all the cruel things he had said to her.

'Dixie, I never meant to say it; I never meant to hurt you.' His voice was merely a whisper, but, Dixie heard him loud and clear.

'Well you did Jeff, your words and actions hurt me, hurt me more than anything, hurt me more than losing my Dad, Cyd, everything.'

Dixie started crying once more at the memories that flooded her brain, all the memories of loss in her life, hurt, and anguish and of feeling alone. Jeff shuffled over taking her back into his arms holding her close as she cried; he rubbed circles on the back of her head as he rocked her gently. She was right, his words had hurt and had potentially devastating consequences. He held Dixie close, he could feel her ribs as his arm traced patterns over her back, this wasn't the same Dixie he had held all those months ago. The thought of her starving herself just so no one could call her fat upset him greatly, she was never fat, she was perfect, still is perfect and Jeff loved her.  
'Dixie?' He said softly after a few moments and once he was certain Dixie had stopped crying.

Dixie moved her head out from the comfort of Jeff's chest as she looked him in the eyes. 'Babe, I know I said some horrible and unforgivable things to you, the past few months without you have been torture, all I wanted more than anything was to hear your voice, hold you close, be by your side. Dixie, can we work through this?' Jeff bit his lip, he needed to know if their relationship was going to be saved or whether he was to live the rest of his life alone and without her. He studied her expression carefully, for the first time in his life; he had no idea what she was thinking, 'Do you want us to work through this Jeff?'  
'More than anything Princess. I love you so much. Please Dixie.'

Dixie didn't know what to say to him, she turned away from his embrace looking back out across the city before she started speaking again, 'do you remember what we did six months ago, almost to the day?'  
Jeff nodded. 'We were sat here, not too dissimilar to how we are now. You had got yourself injured on a hoax call and I had taken you to the ED. We came here afterwards to talk. Do you remember what we spoke about Jeff?'  
'As if it was yesterday.'  
'You told me you loved me, I told you I didn't regret making love with you. We talked about being in a relationship and fears over what would happen if we broke up. Do you remember putting these rings on my finger Jeff?' Jeff nodded again, tears filling his eyes as Dixie took the rings out from under her top holding them out on the chain for Jeff to see. 'You promised me that night Jeff that nothing would ever happen to split us up, we would be fine together and that us being in a relationship was not going to change anything. It did Jeff, we changed, we went from loving each other to hating each other to being apart and now here we are once more.'  
Jeff was worried, what was she getting at. Did she want a divorce? Was she going to reach into her bag and pull out divorce papers for him to sign?  
'Dixie, what are you saying?'

'I don't know Jeff, I really don't. Everything is such a mess at the moment. I have missed you so much Jeff, I love you so much, but, can we really get over this and be together?'

Jeff could feel fresh tears rolling down his cheeks as he spoke, 'yes Dix, yes we can get over it. I promise you here and now I will be honest with you, open with you, tell you everything you want to know. I can't be without you Dix, I hate being in London, my life is here with you and Abs. Babe, I need you.'  
'I need you too Jeffrey, so very much.' Dixie replied as new tears spilled down her face. The couple found themselves once more in each other's arms crying into their shoulders. They had made the first step, they had acknowledged they couldn't be without each other, it was going to be hard, making up and putting right all the months of wrong, but, they needed to do it.  
After a few minutes, Jeff pulled away once more using his thumb to softly rub the tears away from Dixie's eyes. 'It is getting cold Princess, let's go.'  
'To where Jeff?'  
'How about I take you home to get some things and you come out for dinner with me tonight.' Dixie looked into his eyes and nodded taking the hand he offered to her as he stood up. Before they left the clearing, Jeff turned to face her once more, 'I want to make this work Dixie, I really do. I promise you now that I will make it right with you that we are going to start again. Tonight is all about you my beautiful Princess and no one else.' Dixie found herself smiling softly at her husband before they left the clearing walking back to the car hand in hand. Jeff dropped her off at home so she could get ready, he didn't want to rush her by coming in and getting in the way, he knew she needed time. He left her with instructions on how to get to the hotel he was staying at along with money for the taxi. Jeff arrived at the hotel himself and booked a table in the restaurant for the pair of them before he left to get ready as well.  
Dixie wandered around her house, Jeff was back, he was really back. She felt like she was going on a first date with him right now, the fact that they were married, had already made love and were together wasn't relevant. They were going to start again, they were going to work through everything and hopefully come out stronger the other side. She quickly had a shower, gave Abs some food before putting on a pair of jeans, top and jacket. Jeff had asked her to bring some clothes with her in a bag, she wondered why. She wasn't ready to jump into bed with him straight away and make love, she needed more time. Deep down she knew Jeff wouldn't rush her, maybe he just wanted to have her close tonight? Dixie sighed and she looked over to Abs. 'Daddy is back mate, yes, you heard me right, daddy is back. I am going to go and see him, so, be good and I shall see you later.' Dixie tickled the dog before leaving the house heading back to Jeff.  
She didn't know what to expect when she arrived at the hotel, she was directed to Jeff's room where she knocked on his door pleased that he opened it and greeted her with a massive hug. Even though they had a lot to talk through, his warmth and scent was going a long way to making up for everything. The couple enjoyed an understated meal in the restaurant talking mainly about work and Abs before they headed up to Jeff's room. 'Dixie, I have had a lovely time with you tonight and I don't want it to end.'  
'Jeff, I…'  
'Hear me out Dix. Please.'  
'OK.'  
'Stay with me Princess. I just want to be close to you, just want to hold you. I have longed for ages to have you in my arms as I sleep, please Dixie, I don't want you to go.'

Dixie looked up into his eyes; he held all of his emotion there, silently pleading with her to say yes, how could she not? She needed this as much as he did, she wanted more than anything to sleep in Jeff's arms once more. No more words were spoken between the couple as they got ready for bed, Jeff gave Dixie some privacy to get changed while he went into the bathroom to get ready himself, he didn't want to rush her or make her anymore self-conscious than she already was. Jeff turned out the light and climbed into the bed next to Dixie taking her into his arms as she rested her head on his chest. Jeff kissed the top of her head lightly, he was going to treasure this moment for ever, the day he came back to his Dixie and she let him hold her once more. It was going to be hard saying goodbye when the time came for him to go back to London and they had a lot of talking to do, but, for now, he was content that they had made some progress, he had the woman who meant everything to him in his arms once more, he was not going to let her go.


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews, we hope you enjoy this chapter and the squish in it.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Six.**

Jeff awoke with his arms around Dixie, she was still asleep and resting peacefully with her head against his chest. He was relieved to see that she was still here with him, that she hadn't woken up during the night and decided that she hated him for everything that he had said and done to her. Jeff moved his hand up to Dixie's hair and he stroked it, he thought again that it had got longer in his absence and that it needed dyeing. He remembered thinking that when he saw Dixie in hospital. Seeing Dixie lying in a hospital bed wasn't a pleasant memory for Jeff, it was his comments that put her there and he was ashamed of himself. He was feeling guilty and it was going to be a long time before he stopped feeling that way. Jeff sighed, what if Norman hadn't found Dixie, what if the treatment hadn't worked, what if she had died? It would be as if he had killed her himself.

Jeff regretted every word that he said to Dixie, they had driven her to lose weight to the point that it made her ill. He felt tears drip down his face, he had come so close to losing his Dixie, to losing the woman that he loved for good. Jeff wiped the tears away but they were just replaced by more, the dream, seeing Dixie in hospital and the knowledge that he had hurt her badly and didn't deserve her had all combined to make Jeff feel miserable. He slowly moved Dixie so she was lying on the other pillow, he didn't want to wake her up, she needed to rest. Jeff rested his head against his knees, he made no effort to stop the tears that flowed down his face, he deserved to suffer for everything for everything that he had said and done to Dixie.

Dixie opened her eyes and for a few seconds she didn't recognise where she was. Her memories came back to her and she remembered everything; being in hospital, seeing Jeff at the park, going to dinner and staying the night with him in his hotel room. She also remembered going to sleep in his arms, why wasn't he holding her now? Dixie looked to her right and saw Jeff sat up with his head buried in his hands. She sat up and moved closer to Jeff, she heard him quietly crying and it made her feel sad. Why hadn't he woken her up? He is obviously upset about something and in spite of everything that happened between them she cared for him and wanted to know what had upset him so badly.

Dixie put her hand on Jeff's left shoulder and rubbed comforting circles over it. She wondered what had got him into this state. Jeff only cried when something bad happened and usually it was in private. She moved her hand down and rested it on his back, Dixie was confused when she heard Jeff gasp in pain and move away from her touch. She was worried, had Jeff somehow got hurt in London and he hadn't told her? 'Jeff, what's wrong?'

'Nothing,' she heard him say quietly.

'I heard you, that was the sound of someone in pain, it is not nothing. Tell me.' Dixie was concerned, for Jeff to sound like that, something had to have happened to him. 'Tell me,' she said again.

'It is just something I had to do.'

'What did you have to do?' Dixie was really worried now, what had Jeff done to himself?

'I had to do it, it is my punishment for hurting you and destroying our marriage. I deserve the pain, I deserve to suffer for the things that I have done. Every time I pick up my kit or lie down I feel the pain. I've said unforgivable things and I nearly hit you, I put you in hospital with my words, this is my penance.'

'What is?' Jeff lifted his shirt over his head and Dixie instantly saw the writing that had been tattooed onto his shoulder-blade, directly above the bone. The tattoo had begun to heal but some of the skin was still red and sore, Jeff had obviously been letting things touch it in an attempt to make himself feel more pain. Dixie got the meaning of the words, it was Jeff's way of saying he would never love again and the tattoo was a reminder of that. 'Why did you do it?'

'I told you, the pain is my punishment.' Dixie sighed, Jeff was hurting both physically and emotionally and she wanted to make his pain go away. It made her heart hurt to see him so broken and upset.

Jeff felt Dixie get up off the bed and she went into the bathroom, he didn't register what she was doing as he was too lost in his own world. She came back a few minutes later and sat back down, he felt her press something cold against the area where his tattoo was. Jeff closed his eyes, the ice that Dixie had placed onto his back was soothing the ache from the tattoo. He sighed, it was the first time that he had felt any peace from the pain. 'Why are you helping me? Shouldn't you hate me? I don't think I deserve your help.'

'I can't hate you Jeff.'

'Why not, I deserve it.'

'I love you.' Jeff lowered his head to his chest.

'Dixie, I hurt you, how can you say that?'

'Because it's true. What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I hate you, that I don't love you, that I want you to suffer, that I want you to feel pain? Would it make you feel better if I left you to suffer alone?'

'Don't you think that I deserve it after everything that I've done?'

'Jeff, I hate seeing you like this, I hate seeing you in pain and knowing that you're punishing yourself over everything that happened between us.' Jeff saw the tears start to roll down Dixie's cheeks. 'I love you, you might not want me to, you might want me to hate you but I can't. Please don't tell me to hate you.' Jeff put his arms around Dixie and held her close, he stroked her hair and kissed her head.

'I'm sorry princess, everything is so messed up, I love you too, I never stopped, I couldn't stop loving you Dix. How did we get like this?' Jeff felt Dixie rest her head against his shoulder and he just held her. 'Dixie, I think we need to talk, we have a lot of issues to work through.'

'I know we do, I don't want to do this here though. Come home with me.'

'Okay.' Jeff quietly held Dixie, he knew they had to talk about things, however hard it was going to be.

Dixie and Jeff got some breakfast at the hotel and Jeff drove them back to the house that he had once shared with Dixie. He remembered the day that he left, he wanted to come home to Dixie so many times and beg her forgiveness. Jeff followed Dixie into the house and he looked around, the hall had been entirely redecorated. He went into the lounge and found it was different too. Dixie had obviously changed the entire house, the furniture was in different places and he noted that all of the pictures of them that had previously been in the lounge had been taken down and put away. He wondered if Dixie had thrown them away or if she had stored them somewhere. Jeff sat down on the sofa and looked up when Little Abs came running into the room. 'Hello mate, I missed you.' Jeff stroked the dog and he smiled. 'I missed your mummy too, I love her so much and yet I hurt her. I said some very horrible things to her and that is why I had to go, if I wasn't here then I couldn't hurt her. I'm so very ashamed of myself right now. I love her and yet I broke her heart, I took her smile away by saying things that weren't true. I told her that I wanted a transfer and a divorce, I didn't, those words weren't true. I said them in anger and I wish every day that I could take them back. I remember the day I left, I waited around in the hope that your mummy would come back and tell me not to go. Every day I hoped that she would call me and tell me to come home, I wanted to pack up my things and come back but I was afraid to. I was afraid that your mummy wouldn't want me.' Jeff took a breath and looked at Little Abs, everything that he wanted to say to Dixie was coming out now.

Dixie stood behind Jeff and listened to everything that he was saying, she didn't want to interrupt him as she feared that he would stop talking. She wanted to understand what was going on in his head and listening to him talk to Little Abs was a way that she could do that. Dixie was careful not to make any noise. 'I have a picture of your mummy on my phone, I would talk to her every time I went to bed. I hated going to bed alone, my bed was always cold without her in it. I would hold her scarf close to me as I fell asleep, I sprayed it with some your mummy's perfume before I left but it wore off the longer that I was away. It felt like I was losing her all over again. Being in London without my Dixie was the worst time of my life. I had a horrible dream that she had died and I came back to Holby to talk at her funeral, when I woke up and Tess called me, I was so afraid that my dream would come true and I would be without my Dixie forever.'

'I always wondered where my favourite scarf went to.' Jeff turned around, he looked shocked that Dixie was there.

'How long have you been stood there, how much did you hear?'

'Everything.' Dixie went and sat by Jeff on the sofa, it was her turn to be honest with him. 'There were times that I wanted to go to London, find your flat and beg you to come home. I missed you so much. You've probably noticed that I've rearranged the house, it was a way to distract myself from how much I was missing you. The only room I couldn't touch was yours, I left it exactly how it was when you were here. Deep down I always hoped that you would come home. I used to go to sleep holding your t-shirt, just like you used to hold my scarf.' Dixie took a deep breath, there was something that she had to know. 'Jeff, did you mean it when you said that you wanted to work on this, that you wanted to make us work?'

'Of course I did, I love you Dixie, I don't want you to lose you again.'

'I love you too.' Dixie looked at Jeff, she could tell that he was serious, he really wanted to work on their relationship as much as she did.

Jeff took Dixie's hands in his, there was something that he wanted to talk to Dixie about, something that he had to know. 'Dixie, will you promise me something?'

'Like what?'

'Stop losing weight. I know what I said about your weight and I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, if I could take it back then I would. Sitting by your side in the ED and hoping that you would wake up were the worst hours of my life. I don't want to go through that again, I don't want to see you like that again. You've lost so much weight and you're so thin. My Dixie, promise me that you'll stop losing weight.'

'I promise. Losing weight was the one thing that I could control, I needed to control something. I know I went too far, Norman and Tess were worried about me and they had good reason to be. I am going to have to thank them; Norman for coming after me and saving my life, without him I probably would have been out there for a long time. I think we owe Tess a lot too.'

'We do, she sat with me, convinced me to talk to you and tell you how I felt. I am grateful to Tess, without her I would have just sat by your bedside and cried.'

'When I woke up I remembered hearing you talk to me, I thought that I'd imagined it.'

'You didn't, I was there for you. I know that it was a little bit too late and I should have been there for you all along.'

'I should have been there for you too. Look at what you did, you made yourself suffer through a tattoo and the pain afterwards. I am sorry you had to go through that Jeff.'

'It's all right Dixie, the painkillers are helping with the pain. I was quite prepared never to love again, if I couldn't be with you then I didn't want anyone.'

'I know, I felt the same. What are we going to do?'

'About what?'

'You're going to have to go back to London.'

'I know, I don't want to. Dixie?'

'Yeah.'

'Can we talk about that tomorrow?'

Yeah, tomorrow is another day and we have talked a lot today.' Jeff held his arms out to Dixie.

'Can I have a hug?' Dixie nodded her agreement and she shuffled closer to Jeff, he wrapped his arms around her and she put hers around his waist and hugged him tight. Jeff knew that they would have to talk about what was going to happen in the future but for now he was content that they had started on the long road to getting their relationship back on track.


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**********************************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews and for sticking with us through all of the story. We hope that you are enjoying it and will like this chapter.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Seven.**

Dixie sat cross legged on the sofa; Jeff had stayed the night with her again and was now making the couple a drink. Yesterday had been pretty emotional on him, he had started to admit how he felt while they were apart and she knew how much he had missed her. She wanted more than anything to make their relationship work; she couldn't stand to see him so broken any more. Dixie had a plan in mind to get them to talk openly to one another, she had no doubt in her mind that it would be tough, however, it needed to be done. They had made a huge step already, seeing each other, sharing a meal together, sharing beds once more; they had even started to talk. Having said that, they still had a long way to go, they said some hurtful things to one another, they needed to start to move on, sooner rather than later. 'There you go Dix.' Jeff said as he handed her a mug of tea sitting beside her on the sofa. 'Thank you Handsome.' Dixie gratefully took a sip from it before placing it down on the coaster.  
Jeff watched her carefully before he did the same making himself a little more comfortable next to his wife catching sight of the box that sat between them. 'What have you got in there then?' Jeff asked pointing at the cardboard box. 'Memories.'  
'Of us?'  
'Yes, of us.' Dixie replied as she took the lid off revealing all the photos that were originally scattered about the house to Jeff. He was thankful that she hadn't thrown them away, but, wondered what she was going to use them for. 'What made you bring them in Dix?'  
'Jeff, if we are serious about us, about working things through and starting again, I thought it would be good to remember the happy times we had together, think about how much we have shared, how much we have worked through, the photos will help us do that.'Jeff looked a little unsure, was he ready for this? 'Dix, I….'  
'It is going to be hard on us both Jeff, I am under no illusions that we will be in complete floods by the end of this, but, we need to do it, otherwise, what is the point?'

Jeff knew Dixie was right, it was going to be hard, but, they had so many fond memories together that meant so much to the pair of them, they were worth remembering and clinging onto no matter how emotional they became. Slowly he dipped his hand in bringing one to the surface for them both to see – their wedding day. 'I remember when I asked you to marry me.' Dixie said looking at the pair of them over Jeff's shoulder as he traced a finger over her face, 'you nearly choked on your beer if I recall.'  
'Yeah, of all the things for you to say to me, I wasn't expecting that.' Jeff smirked.  
'I know, I wanted to make my dad happy and proud of me. I bottled telling him who I was. He really liked you though, he told me that you were a good man and was certain that you would protect me. I was nervous on our wedding day, I had spent the night with Lena only to find out she was the bloody registrar! I thought I had found the person of my dreams, little did I realise at the time I was marrying the man of my dreams and he was going to make me happy.'  
'I don't think I have done a good job at that though have I?'  
'We all make mistakes Jeff, hindsight is a wonderful thing. If I had told my dad who I really was, we would never have got married. I let my dad down that day like I have let you down.'  
'Dix, you have not let me down, why do you think that?'  
'I didn't believe you Jeff; I didn't believe what you said. Our friendship, our marriage is built on trust, we tell each other everything, you were telling me the truth about Tamzin and I didn't believe you. She made me think that once a man cheats, they will do it again. I was scared Jeff. You are the first man I have ever been in a serious relationship with, the first man I have taken into my bed and made love to. I was frightened that you would leave me and go off with someone younger and more experienced with men sexually than I was. I know you, I should know you inside and out, but, I let my emotions, my hormones, my feelings of insecurity cloud me and I didn't believe you. I let you down in the worst way possible.'

Dixie felt tears streaming from her eyes as she recalled seeing Jeff and Tamzin kiss, no, she corrected herself, Tamzin kissing Jeff. If only she had of believed him in the first place none of this would have happened.  
'Dix…'  
'No Jeffrey, you have been putting yourself through hell these past few months and it was all my fault. If I had of believed you like I should have done, we wouldn't have said all those things to one another, you wouldn't have left me. If anyone deserves to be on their own, it is me.' Jeff didn't know what to say to his wife, she was sat next to him crying her heart out. He lifted the box onto the table before taking her into his arms, holding her close as she cried, rubbing her back and lightly kissing the top of her head. She needed to let this out. After a few minutes, Dixie pulled away from Jeff looking him directly in the eyes, 'I wouldn't have blamed you Jeff, 'she said almost whispering.  
'What do you mean?'  
'If you hit me, I wouldn't have blamed you. I should have believed you and I didn't, I shouldn't have said all those things to you about your children, but I did. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had of slapped me, I deserved it.'  
'No, babe, God no. I should never have raised my hand to you. What I did was unforgivable; I would never, ever hurt you like that. I lost my temper and it nearly went too far. You have no idea how much I have beat myself up over that moment, the moment where I nearly hit you. Every time I close my eyes I saw your face Dix, you looked petrified and I made you feel like that.'  
Dixie continued to look into Jeff's eyes as tears formed in them, 'I felt like you didn't want me any more, I saw you with her in the rec room and it broke my heart. We had made love that morning, it was perfect and then that happens. When you didn't want me that night I….'  
'Dix, I had a headache, Christ I wanted you, I really did. This whole Tamzin kissing me thing brought on a migraine. You know how much I suffer with them when I get stressed and worried. I told her what I thought and threatened to shop her for harassment, but, she said you wouldn't believe me. I didn't know what I was going to do, I wanted to tell you, but, I was scared to. All of that brought on a bloody migraine. I wanted to make love to you again Dix, I really did, but I was feeling really sick.' Jeff rushed everything out of his mouth so quickly that he wondered if it had made any sense to her at all. He looked at her face once more as more tears spilled down her cheeks. 'You…. You…you never said Jeff.'  
'I know, maybe if I had of been honest with you about the headache then this wouldn't have happened, we wouldn't have argued and you wouldn't have thought I was rejecting you.'

Dixie sat looking into Jeff's eyes, she could see the tears flowing from them as he spoke, she could see his honesty deep in his eyes, and she knew he was telling the truth, he had been telling the truth all the time, yet, she hadn't believed him. Wiping her eyes, she pulled out a second photo from the box, one of them with Abs at the park. Jeff took the photo from her and placed it on the table beside their wedding photo before taking Dixie in his arms once more; they had said a lot to each other, they were being honest with one another. He cradled her close thinking back over everything they had said, the tears they had shed as they did. He closed his eyes taking in her familiar scent.

He felt Dixie's hands trace light patterns over his back, it had been so long since she had done that, he almost cried there and then. He returned the feeling, running his hands lightly over her spine as he held her close. He found himself instinctively going for her neck with his lips, placing soft kisses in the crevice as he held her. Dixie let out a soft and quiet moan as Jeff's lips ghosted over her; slowly she tilted her head so she met Jeff's lips locking onto them as they shared a slow and tender kiss. As the kiss came to an end, Dixie pulled away and rested her forehead against Jeff's, they met each other's gaze and saw tears rolling down their faces. 'I have waited for so long to kiss you like that again.'  
'Me too Princess, me too.'  
'I love you so much Jeffrey Collier, I don't ever want to be without you again.' Before Jeff could reply, Dixie had once more claimed his lips in her own, instigating another long kiss. Yet again, they kissed through tears, tears of joy and relief at being close once more, they had missed each other so much, and this step was always going to be emotional for them. 'Make love to me again Dix.' Jeff whispered against her lips as he brought the kiss to a close. Dixie nodded her head; she was unable to speak as more tears flowed down her face.

This time, unlike the first time they made love, Jeff led Dixie up the stars and into his bedroom, it seemed somewhat fitting that they were going to start again in the same place that changed their relationship six months ago. As they walked into the room hand in hand, they both glanced over at the wall where they had first succumbed to one another. The pair laid down on Jeff's bed, Dixie was on her back while Jeff was slightly to her side leaning in for another kiss. They had all evening and were not in a rush, this was going to be a magical moment between them, one they have been craving for so long. Jeff slowly kissed his wife once more allowing his hand to run up and down her left side as she placed hers on his back, tracing soft patterns once more.

As they continued to kiss, their hands explored each other's bodies like they need to learn about themselves once more. Dixie moved her hands from Jeff's back to slowly undo his shirt as he pulled her left leg up caressing her thigh. She made light work of his buttons as she stripped him of his shirt running her hands over his naked skin once more. Jeff pulled out of the kiss staring into Dixie's eyes allowing her to touch him wherever she wanted to, he had missed her touch on his skin and couldn't help but let new tears fall. Slowly he placed his hands at the bottom of her top lifting it up above her head before throwing it to one side of the room. He took in her semi naked top, feeling more tears rolling down his cheeks as he took in her lack of curves, in their place were bones. He moved his hand around to her back undoing the clasp of her bra letting it fall of her arms exposing her breasts to him once more. Jeff ran his left hand up and down her upper body caressing her breasts softly in his hands. Dixie moaned softly as she felt Jeff's lips lightly suck on her left nipple, she had missed this so much. They slowly continued to strip each other of their clothing until they were lying naked on top of the duvet in Jeff's room. Dixie was still on her back while Jeff was laying half on top of her and half to the side. They held and maintained a deep eye contact with one another, they didn't need to use any words, their emotions were clearly evident in their eyes. Both had tears cascading down their faces, tears of happiness, they had been craving this contact for so long and now they had it. Jeff continued to stroke and feel Dixie's body, he wanted to take in and remember everything about her. Dixie did the same to Jeff; she ran her hands over his back, chest and bum. She remembered how soft his skin was to touch, how muscular his legs and stomach were, she had never felt a body like that before.

Jeff moved his hand from caressing Dixie's breast to move down her body parting her legs gently before rubbing her clit. Dixie's breathing hitched as she felt Jeff place his fingers inside her body. She shuddered slightly before letting out a small sob. 'Did you want me to stop?'

Dixie shook her head, 'No, no I don't want that, I have really missed this Jeff.'  
'So have I Princess, I have missed being with you, missed kissing you, holding you and touching you.' Dixie felt herself getting wetter the more Jeff moved his fingers inside her; she moved her hand down from his back to take his hardening length in her hand rubbing it as it grew. Jeff let out a moan before resting his head on Dixie's shoulder. 'Are you ready for this Dix?' Jeff asked softly  
'Make love to me again Jeffrey Collier.' Jeff paused for a moment, Dixie met his gaze, she could see his was thinking about something, was this what he wanted?

'What is it Jeff?'  
'I don't have a condom with me.'  
'It doesn't matter.'  
'Are you sure?'  
'Yes Jeff, I want to feel you again, I want you to make love to me and come inside me, like you did in this room six months ago.' Jeff lent in and kissed Dixie softly before moving to lie on top of her. Dixie parted her legs as Jeff repositioned himself between them slowly guiding his hard length into her body. As he entered her, they gazed into each other's eyes once more as fresh tears fell, they felt complete once more.

They slowly moved together as they made love, they rested their foreheads against each other feeling their tears fall. Their love making was intense and deep, as well as emotional. Dixie caressed Jeff's back one more time before placing her hands at the small of his back guiding his movements softly. Jeff moved his head to place kisses on her neck before taking her left nipple in his mouth one more time suckling at it softly as they moved. Dixie cried out as she started to feel her orgasm approach, it was long overdue and was bound to be intense and powerful.

'Jeff, I am coming.' Dixie whispered  
'Let go Princess, I am not far behind you.' Jeff replied as he continued to move inside her.  
'Fuck me Jeffrey.' Jeff continued to move inside Dixie, he could feel her tighten around him and her body started to shake, more tears rolled down his face as he watched her come. She closed her eyes, held onto him tighter and moaned his name. He tried to prolong her orgasm by moving harder and faster inside her, he had missed seeing her like this, missed being with her like this, it was a magical moment and brought more tears to his eyes as he watched Dixie let go. Dixie opened her eyes once she had come, she met Jeff's gaze once more and saw the tears soaking his cheeks, she wiped them gently with her thumb as he continued to move. Dixie held onto him rocking her hips slightly to bring him to orgasm as well. 'Fuck Dixie, keep doing that, I'm coming' Jeff whispered arching his back. Dixie felt him speed up as he became more erratic in his movements. 'I love you Dixie, oh my God I love you' Jeff moaned as he came deep inside her.

Dixie felt him come, she felt complete once again having Jeff moving and coming inside her. She had really missed it and now she had him back, she didn't want to let him go. Jeff lay on top of his wife as his breathing returned to normal, he went to withdraw, but, Dixie stopped him. 'Not yet Jeff, stay inside a little while longer, please.' Jeff nodded resting his head to her side as she pulled him closer to her. They could just lie like this for as long as they wanted to, they had made considerable progress in getting their relationship back on track. Dixie knew they still had some more talking to do before Jeff had to go back to London, but, for now, she was contented. She had her Jeffrey back where he belonged, in Holby and with her. Slowly Jeff withdrew pulling the covers over them as they settled back down into each other's arms drifting off into a contented sleep.


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

**************************************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444 and Carlykinz for your reviews, enjoy the chapter.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Eight.**

Jeff sat on the sofa in the lounge, he was on the last day of his time off and he was going to have to go back to London this evening as he had a shift in the morning. He was trying not to think about it, he didn't want to leave Dixie alone. Jeff didn't know how him going back to London was going to make Dixie feel. He sighed, he was going to have to talk to Dixie about everything and what they were going to do now. Jeff had been putting off talking about it as it would make it real that he was going to have to leave Dixie and go back to London by himself. Dixie came in and snuggled up to Jeff, he stroked her hair and then kissed her head. Jeff was feeling guilty, he had left Dixie once and now he was going to have to do it again. 'Dixie, we need to talk.'

'I know. You're going to have to go back to London.' Jeff heard the sadness in Dixie's voice.

'I am coming back, as soon as I can.'

'You promise?'

'I promise. I'm not going back because I want to, I am going back because I have to, for now.'

'I know, you have a job to do.'

'I am going to come back to Holby as soon as I can.'

'Jeff, there isn't a place for you on the team, when Polly started working here she took your place.'

'I've thought it through. I can join an agency that supplies paramedics to stations that need them.'

'Do you think that we can afford it?'

'As long as we're careful and don't go too daft with money. If it doesn't work and we struggle then I can always work as a dispatcher.'

'I can't imagine you working at ambulance dispatch.'

'If I had to then I would, I will do anything so that I can come home to you and Little Abs.'

'You were born to be a paramedic Jeff, I can't ask you to give that up for me.'

'Dix, being a paramedic is my life but you mean more to me.' Jeff stroked Dixie's hair again, he meant everything that he had said to her, he would do whatever it took so that he could come home to Dixie and be with her again.

Dixie snuggled into Jeff's arms, it was going to be hard to let him go when the time came for him to return to London. 'Jeff, you could always work for the agency and a position at Holby might open up.'

'I'm not sure that everyone will want me back on the team, I know that they hate me for leaving and for everything else too.' Jeff sighed and Dixie looked at him.

'What's wrong?'

'I'm angry at myself, if only I had been honest with you about Tamzin, the kiss and the migraine then none of this would have happened. I wasn't honest with you and we ended up fighting. I wish that I could change everything. If I had told you everything then you wouldn't have ended up in hospital. It is my fault, I am to blame, I should have told you that you were beautiful and instead I destroyed your confidence and made you ill. I am not surprised that they hate me.'

'Jeff, it is in the past, I said things too.'

'I am going to spend every minute making it up to you, whatever I have to do.'

'I don't need you to do that Jeff, I just need you.'

'I want to, Dixie, I let you down.' Dixie put her hands on top of Jeff's and she squeezed them gently.

'Jeff, please can we leave what happened in the past? I want to start over and draw a line under everything.'

'Okay, I understand, I think. You want us to begin again.'

'I do. I know that it is going to take time and there are things that we have to work through but I want us to succeed. If we keep thinking about what happened then we won't be able to move on with our lives.'

'All right, we'll start over.' Dixie smiled at Jeff and kissed him gently.

'Thank you.' Dixie snuggled back up to Jeff, she was going to make the most of the time she had with Jeff while he was here.

Jeff went into his room, Dixie hadn't lied when she said that his was the only room that she hadn't changed. He had noticed all of the redecorating that she had done and all of the moving around of furniture and so on. Living here alone must have been hard for her, the memories were hard enough for him and he wasn't living in the house that they had shared together for years. Just being here brought all of his memories flooding back, what must it have been like for Dixie living with those memories all of the time that she was alone? They had spent some time putting all of the pictures of them back on the walls and above the fireplace. Jeff sighed, leaving was going to hurt and he wasn't sure if it was going to hurt himself or Dixie more. He didn't want to go, he was tempted to phone his boss in London and say that he wasn't coming back but that probably wasn't the best idea if he wanted to get a job with the agency. He was going to have to do things by the book and go about it the proper way.

Dixie sat in the kitchen with Little Abs, Jeff was going around the house, she could hear his footsteps as he walked about. She wanted to give Jeff some time alone with his memories before she went upstairs and talked to him again. Dixie sighed and scratched Little Abs' head, he had been quiet and not like his usual self. 'You know that Jeff is leaving, don't you? He's coming back again but for now he has to go. Everything is going to be all right, I promise.' Dixie rested her hands on the tabletop, would she manage while Jeff was gone? She was going to miss him he left, she would be counting down the days until Jeff came back to live with her again. Dixie listened carefully, Jeff's footsteps had gone quiet, wherever he was he had been there for a while. Dixie stood up, she was going to go to him and see where he was. It was nearly time for Jeff to leave and Dixie wanted to spend the last bit of time that he was here with him.

Jeff pushed open the door to Dixie's room and he sat down in the stool that was in front of her dressing table, his bag was sat by the bed and he looked into the mirror that sat on the table. Jeff remembered that he had sat here when he was leaving for London the last time, he just wanted to see the room where he had made love to the woman that he loves. Jeff took Dixie's scarf out of his bag and he held it gently in his hands; all of her scent had gone from it but he had still held it close to him every night as he went to sleep. He would do the same when he went back to London, it was the only thing that had got him through the nights and he hoped that it would do so again. Jeff looked around the room, all of the gifts that he had bought for Dixie had been put back in their rightful places. He felt lucky, Dixie could have told him that she didn't want to see him again, he wouldn't have blamed her if she had done that. Jeff shook his head; he had promised Dixie that they would draw a line under everything that had happened and start again.

Dixie stood outside of her door, she heard Jeff moving around inside and she wondered if she should disturb him or not, she took a breath and then opened the door. Jeff was sat at her dressing table and he was holding something in his hands. Dixie just watched him for a little while and she committed everything about him to her memory. 'Jeff,' she said softly and he turned around to look at her, she noticed the sad look in his eyes and it made her feel it too. 'Jeff,' she repeated, there were many things that she wanted to say but she was finding it hard to express them.

'I know princess.' Dixie weakly smiled at Jeff. 'Do you want your scarf back?'

'You keep it, maybe it will help you while you're away.'

'I am coming back princess.'

'I know you are, you promised me.' Dixie went over to Jeff and put her arms around him, there were many things that she wanted to say to him but all of them would make it harder for Jeff to leave. Dixie picked up her bottle of perfume off the table, she sprayed her scarf and then she put the bottle into Jeff's hands. 'Dixie, what are you doing?'

'At least when the smell wears off you will be able to renew it.'

'I love you Dixie.'

'I love you too Jeff.' Dixie moved her arms away from Jeff and he put the scarf and perfume into his bag. Dixie watched Jeff moving around and putting the rest of his things away, it was becoming all too real that he was going back to London.

Jeff made sure that he had everything in his bag, he looked through it and then he took out one of his shirts and handed it to Dixie. 'What's this for?'

'I have something to remember you by, it is only fair that you have the same.'

'Thank you.' Dixie held Jeff's shirt in her arms and she cuddled into him as he put his arms around her. 'What happens now?'

'I'll apply to the agency and when I get confirmation through that I can start with them I will hand in my notice.'

'Okay.' Jeff sighed, he was putting off leaving as he knew it was going to be hard, but, the time had come and he knew that he couldn't put it off any longer. He gently untangled himself from Dixie's arms and he picked up his bag. Jeff tried to keep his composure, it would be harder for Dixie to let him go if he didn't.

Dixie followed Jeff downstairs and he turned to face her when he reached the bottom. 'Dixie, I... I...'

'I know.' She felt herself pulled into Jeff's arms and he placed a kiss on her head. Dixie took comfort from Jeff's arms around her and holding her close.

'Princess, you will remember your promise to me, won't you? You will stop losing weight, right?'

'I promise, once in hospital was enough for me.'

'Okay.' Dixie felt her head tilted up and then Jeff's lips on hers, she kissed him back and put her hands on his arms. Jeff pulled away and she looked into his eyes, she saw the sadness in them again and Dixie knew that she had the same look in hers. 'Dixie, I don't want to go.'

'I don't want you to go either.'

'I have to, I will phone you every day and we will talk.'

'Okay.' Jeff stroked Little Abs and knelt down beside him.

'Look after your mummy for me until I get back.' Dixie tried to blink back the tears that were forming in her eyes. 'Princess, I'm sorry.'

'It's okay, you'll be back.' Dixie swallowed and she felt Jeff wipe away the tears that were now falling down her face.

'It's not okay Dixie, I'm hurting you again.'

'Jeff, I'm sorry too, I should have believed you.'

'You believe me now, that is what matters.' Dixie reached up and gently brushed away the tears that Jeff was crying.

Jeff opened the door and he walked to the car, he put his bag in the back and then closed the door. He had tried to keep it together but he had failed, the tears were still falling down his face and the sorrow in his heart was threatening to spill over. Jeff turned to Dixie and then pulled her into his arms, he wanted to hold her in his arms one more time before he left. 'Dixie, I love you. I am coming back to you, I promise.'

'I love you too Jeff.' He heard the sorrow in Dixie's voice and he felt her tears soaking into his shirt. Jeff kissed Dixie's head and gently stroked her hair.

'Are you going to be all right? I'm worried about what this is doing to you Dixie.'

'I will be okay, I know that you're coming back to me. Just make sure that you call me when you get there, I need to know that my Jeffrey is safe.'

'I promise.'

'What about you? I know that you're upset Jeff, I can see your tears and hear the sadness in your voice. I love you and I know that you will find this hard too.'

'I am sad but I know that I am coming back to you.'

'Me too.'

'I will call you the minute that I get back. I love you princess, I will see you soon.'

'See you soon.' Jeff kissed Dixie on the head and hugged her one last time, he got into the car and started the engine. Tears spilled down his face as he drove away from Dixie, he was going to miss her a lot until he got to be with her again.

Dixie stood watching Jeff drive away until the car turned the corner and was out of her sight. 'Drive safe Jeffrey, come back to me soon.' She went inside and sat down on the sofa, the house was quiet without Jeff in it, she was going to miss him. Dixie wiped away the tears that were falling from her eyes, she hugged Little Abs and buried her head into his warm fur. She tried not to look at the clock, it was going to be a while before Jeff was able to call her and she was going to find it difficult to wait for him. Dixie knew that this time apart was going to be difficult for them both, she took heart from knowing that Jeff loved her and he would be back with her as quickly as he could.


	39. Chapter Thirty-Nine

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************************************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews, we hope you enjoy the chapter.**

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**Chapter Thirty-Nine.**

Dixie sat clock watching, she knew Jeff was nowhere near London, but, she couldn't help it, she couldn't move away from the clock. Every second that ticked by, every minute, she was thinking of Jeff. Was he safe? Would he get back to London OK? Will he call? Will he text? She had loved having him back in Holby, loved being held by him once more, loved having him back in her bed, treasured making love to him once more. Dixie felt like she was changing again, changing back to her former self, Jeff had completed her. Up until six months ago, she would never have felt this way about a man, but, Jeff wasn't any man, he was her man. She sat there with a smile on her face stroking the dog absent-mindedly thinking of the time she had spent with Jeff until her phone beeped making her jump.

Picking it up, her smile turned into a massive beam as Jeff's face appeared on her home screen as she unlocked the phone. Her face lit up even more seeing Jeff had sent her a text message: 'I have stopped at the services to stretch my legs. I love you Princess and I am missing you loads already. Have something to eat babe and I will call you when I get back. Love you my beautiful Dixie, always. J xxxxxxx'

Dixie read the message a few times smiling from ear to ear, Jeff said he loved her, Jeff had been in contact, everything was looking good for them again. She quickly wrote her reply back to him before getting up and going into the kitchen. She looked around wondering what to do, before she was in hospital, she would only really eat a small salad, but now she was spoilt for choice! Jeff had been shopping for her buying in plenty of fresh and lovely food for her to cook. He didn't want he losing any more weight, she have every intention of keeping her promise to him. Dixie had no reason to loose any more weight, she had her man back in her life and he loved her just as she was. She made herself a chilli spaghetti before taking a photo of it to send to Jeff eating it all up in a matter of minutes. It felt good to be eating again, she thought to herself as she licked her fork for the last time.

The rest of the evening passed without incident as she cleared up, took Abs out and had a relax in the bath. Dixie was now in her pyjamas, on the sofa, holding her phone in one hand and a hot chocolate in the other waiting for Jeff to call her. Soon enough, he did. 'Hey Handsome, you back OK?'  
'Yeah, made it back in one piece Princess.'  
'I am glad to hear it. Have you had some dinner?'  
'Stopped off and got a Burger King, nothing as fancy as your Chilli Spaghetti. Was it nice?'  
'It was, and I ate the lot!'  
'Greedy.' Jeff said giggling softly.  
'You love me though.' Dixie replied feeling at ease once more talking to Jeff.  
'Of course I do princess, unconditionally. I am pleased you ate it all, I just want you to be yourself again Dix.'  
'I can only be myself when you are with me Jeffrey Collier.'  
'I will be soon babe, I will be soon.'  
Dixie sighed, 'what time do you start work then?'  
'7.30.'  
'You are probably shattered my love, why don't you have a shower and go to bed.'  
'I will do in a minute, but, right now, I want to talk to you and hear your voice.'  
'It is lovely to hear you as well, but I do want you rested for work tomorrow. Have you had any more thoughts on what you are going to do?'  
'I will contact the agency in the morning when I am on my break and register myself with them, when everything is given the all clear, I will transfer my contract over.'  
'I can't wait for you to come home again.'  
'Neither can I princess. I am working for 8 days before I have some time off again, hopefully things will be sorted by then.'  
'8 days seems so long before I get to see you again.' Dixie said sadly.  
'I know sweetheart, but, I will call you every day, text you all the time, send you pictures, you name it, I will do it.'  
'I know Jeff, I look forward to it.' Dixie heard Jeff give a deflated sigh on the other end of the phone, she knew what was coming, it was coming up to midnight and Jeff needed his rest.  
'As much as I don't want to, I need to go Dix. I love you loads and I miss you loads already.'  
'Love and miss you too Jeffrey. Goodnight handsome.'  
'Night Babe, sleep well and I will speak to you tomorrow.'  
'Love you Jeff.'  
'Love you as well babe, night night.'

Dixie slowly ended the call before getting ready for bed herself, she was working tomorrow as well, but wasn't due in until 11am. She was pleased Jeff was back safely, but sad that he wasn't going to be with her tonight. Slowly Dixie completed her nightly ritual making sure the house was locked and alarmed before heading up to her room collapsing into her bed clutching Jeff's shirt as she fell asleep.

The days went past slowly for the couple, they missed each other dearly but would speak on the phone each day. Dixie would make a comment to Jeff about the size of the phone bill, but, he didn't care, he would pay it regardless as he was getting to speak to his Dixie. Every opportunity they got they would text each other, their phones seemed to be permanently fitted to their hands. Tess even commented about admitting Dixie to surgery to have it surgically removed if she didn't stop texting Jeff!

Dixie's mood at work changed considerably, only Norman knew that Jeff was back, Polly had no idea what was going on. She had a spring in her step, Dixie was a far cry from the woman she was a week ago, Jeff certainly did make her happy and now they were back together, everything was looking positive. 'Someone is in a good mood again this morning.' Norman commented as he placed Dixie's mug on the coaster of her desk. 'Am I?'  
'Yes, you have been in a good mood ever since Jeff came back.' Norman responded moving to sit down on the sofa that was in Dixie's office. 'Yeah, guess I have been.' Dixie replied before speaking again, 'Norman? Can I ask you something and I need you to promise to tell me the truth?'  
'I don't really like where this is heading, but, go on.'  
'Was I a cow when Jeff left?'  
'I wouldn't have said you were a cow, but I was worried about you Dix. You wouldn't talk to anyone, you never smiled, you have hardly said two words to Polly since she arrived. You just were not happy.'  
'Oh.'  
'Dix, I am not saying any of this to upset you, it is great seeing you back to your usual self, you scared the shit out of me you really did. You wouldn't eat or drink and when I found you collapsed on the floor, I just didn't know what to do for the best.'  
'I'm sorry Norman, but thank you for sticking by me through it all. I know Jeff is grateful too.'  
'Dix, I don't want to have to witness that again, OK. I know Jeff is grateful, but, if he ever hurts you like that again, I will not be held responsible for my actions. You are a good woman Dixie Collier and a great boss; you deserve to be treated with respect and love.'  
'You are a sweet man Norman Bunton.' Dixie said making eye contact with Norman who was clearly embarrassed by what he had just said. 'Right, well, er…, enjoy your tea….I will be in the Rec room if you need me.' And with that, Norman made a swift exit. He didn't meant to come over all sentimental to his boss, but, deep down, he cared for her deeply, one thing was for certain, if Jeff put so much as a nose hair out of place, he would make him pay.

Dixie sighed, she was happy and everyone knew it, Tess had commented on how she looked healthier now she had gained some weight, even Polly said it was good to hear her laugh around the station. Jeff completed her, all that was left now was for him to move back to Holby and everything will be back to normal.

Back in London, Jeff was coming to the end of a 12 hour night shift; he knew Dixie was working days, so phoning her just yet was out of the question. It had been a couple of days since he applied to the agency for a position back in Holby and as yet hadn't heard anything. Jeff was starting to worry, what if they said no? What if he was stuck here and wasn't able to go back to his Dixie? He quickly tried to brush these thoughts aside as he closed his locker heading out of the changing rooms. 'Jeff, can I have a word please mate?' Stephen called. Jeff didn't mind his new Duty Manager, but he was no Dixie. When Dixie called him into her office, he didn't mind as he was usually going to get a kiss or a hug, if she was going to tell him off, it would be in front of everyone. Jeff nodded before following Stephen into his office. 'Take a seat mate and don't look so worried.'  
'Sorry, it's just a habit I guess.' Jeff replied as he sat down placing his bag on the floor.  
'Jeff, I have a letter here asking for a reference, you have applied to be an agency Paramedic back in Holby, is there any reason why?'  
Jeff took a big gulp, how was he going to explain this one. Thankfully, he had a few moments to think of his answer as Stephen spoke again, 'are you not happy here Jeff? Is there anything I can do for you?'  
'No, no, I am happy here I really am, it's just, my wife is back in Holby that's all. She is a Paramedic, Duty officer like you in fact.'  
'Is this the same Mrs Collier that signed off your transfer in the first place?'  
'Yeah, long story there, but, we were hoping she could come out and join me in London, that doesn't look likely now as she can't get a transfer over here.' Jeff was amazed with how quickly the lie rolled off his tongue, it was better than admitting to calling his wife some horrible names, threatening to sleep with someone else and asking for a divorce anyway.  
'Oh, right, so you need to move back then?'  
'Yeah, sorry mate, I would have said something earlier, but, it has been all up in the air. To be honest, I am missing her, so I want to get back to her as quickly as I can.'

Stephen looked into Jeff's eyes were he saw the love he held for his wife, not wanting to keep them apart any longer, he signed off the reference and placed it in an envelope. 'You have been a really good member of the team here Jeff, but, I can see you need to go back to your wife. If you could work until the end of the month that would be great.'A wide smile formed across Jeff's face as he shook Stephen's hand. 'Thanks mate, really thank you.'

Jeff practically skipped out of the office and to the car; he needed to tell Dixie now. As soon as he was settled, he grabbed his phone and dialled her number; it only rang twice before she answered. 'Jeff, are you OK?'  
'Yeah babe, I am fine. You?'  
'I am good, but, I thought we weren't speaking until later on, love.'  
'Dix, listen to me, Stephen has signed off my transfer to the agency, I need to work until the end of the month then I can come home.' Dixie was silent. 'Princess?'  
'You are coming home?'  
'Yeah, I am coming home.' Jeff moved the phone quickly away from his ear as Dixie squealed down it in happiness. Jeff listened to her with a wide smile on his face once more, in two weeks time; he will be back in Holby and with his Dixie forever. Things couldn't get much better.


	40. Chapter Forty

**Title: In Your Eyes**

**Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP**

**Rating: M**

**Pairing: ?/?**

**Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?**

**Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.**

******************************************************Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews and support throughout this story. Thank you to everyone that has read, reviewed, favourited and followed this story too. We hope you enjoy the final chapter.  
**

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**Chapter Forty.**

Dixie waited anxiously for Jeff, he was coming back to her tonight, he'd worked the last of his shifts in London and he'd called just before he left to let her know that he was on his way. She'd spent the afternoon tidying up and sorting the house out for Jeff's return. Dixie sat quietly on the sofa and tried to stop herself from looking at her phone to see if Jeff had called or sent her a message. She knew that he would be driving and therefore unable to get in touch with her but she still wanted to look even though she knew her phone would have told her that there was a message. It wouldn't be long until Jeff was back here with her and Little Abs and living in Holby. Dixie looked at the clock again and willed the hands to move quicker so that she could see Jeff and feel him holding her once again. It was the thought of Jeff holding her that had kept Dixie going all of the time that he had been away and she couldn't wait until she could make her dreams a reality. Dixie just wanted to have Jeff back with her where he belonged.

The journey from London passed in a daze for Jeff, most of his thoughts were about Dixie and his longing to see her again. He had called Dixie as often as he was able to and listening to her voice made him feel happy. He hoped with all of his heart that Dixie had managed to regain some of the weight that she had lost. Jeff had hated seeing Dixie so unnaturally thin and unwell, she didn't look like Dixie, she looked like somebody else. It pleased him to hear that Dixie had been eating better, he just wanted her well and back to her old self. Jeff promised himself that he'd never again say anything like he had to Dixie when he'd been angry. Seeing her in hospital and so unwell had hurt, he knew that it had been his fault she had ended up in there. Jeff was still feeling guilty over asking for a divorce and the transfer, he was trying to reign in his temper and had made himself a promise to always be honest with Dixie no matter what. He didn't want anything to split them up ever again.

Dixie looked at the clock again, she was trying not to but somehow she kept glancing at it and it frustrated it her when she saw that it hadn't moved much. Jeff would be here soon, the thought sent butterflies rampaging through Dixie's stomach. She couldn't wait to see him and hear him tell her that he loved her and that he wanted to be with her forever. Dixie's mind wandered over different thoughts; would Jeff want something to eat or had he eaten on the way here? Would he want to share a bed with her or would he want to stay in his own room? Would he want to make love or would he be too tired? Surely Jeff would want to share with her, she hoped that he would want to. Dixie wanted to feel his arms around her and holding her close to him, she had gone so long without being held and she craved the warmth and safety of Jeff's arms. Jeff made Dixie feel safe at night, after all, who knew what kind of people were hanging around.

Jeff parked the car in the drive and looked up at the house that he had left behind when he went to London. It felt like an age since he had been here and the house was a very welcome sight. Jeff opened the boot of the car and piled all of his personal belongings on the doorstep. He locked the car when he had finished and then stood on the step for a couple of seconds. Jeff wondered again if Dixie had regained some of the weight that she had lost. The image of her in a hospital bed and looking unwell landed squarely in his mind and he shook his head to try and get rid of it. Jeff momentarily thought about how nervous he was feeling, he wasn't sure why he was nervous, he only knew that he was. He wondered if he should knock on the door or if he should just go in, would Dixie even have the door unlocked? Jeff shook his head and he pushed the handle down, he was about to see his Dixie again.

Dixie heard the door open, she knew that it would be Jeff and she ran out into the hall, Little Abs followed her and started jumping up at Jeff, she smiled at them both as Jeff stroked Abs' head. 'Hello mate, it is nice to see you again. I have missed you and mummy so much.' He stroked Abs a few more times and then stood up. Dixie went over to Jeff and wrapped her arms around his waist, much like she had done at the park. She felt Jeff's arms move around her and hold her close to him. 'Hello princess.' Dixie heard the emotion in Jeff's voice, he was clearly happy to see her again. She snuggled herself happily into Jeff's arms and she breathed deeply, taking in the scent of his aftershave to prove to herself that he was really back with her. 'Jeff,' she whispered, she wanted to say more but she was struggling to find the words, they wouldn't come to her no matter how hard she tried. 'It's all right, I'm here princess. I'm here now Dixie.'

'I know, I'm glad that you are.' Dixie hugged Jeff tighter, now that she had hold of him she didn't want to let him go.

'Come on Dixie, let me get my stuff inside and you can cuddle me as much as you like.'

'Really? You promise?'

'I promise.' Dixie slowly let go of Jeff and she helped him to bring all of his stuff into the house, they put it out of the way at the back of the hall and then Jeff closed the door.

Jeff led Dixie by the hand into the lounge and he sat down on the sofa, Dixie sat next to him and she cuddled up to him. He put his arms around Dixie's shoulders and kissed her on the head. Jeff noted that Dixie had gained quite a bit of weight since he had last been here and she had coloured her hair again. He was relieved, Dixie looked a lot healthier and more like her old self again. Little Abs came and sat down by the sofa. Jeff looked down at the dog and then at Dixie who was happily snuggled up to him, he loved them both so much and he didn't want to lose either of them ever again. 'Dixie, I'm glad to be home.'

'I'm glad you're home too. Do you want anything to eat?'

'I'm okay princess, I had something on the way home. Are you hungry?'

'No love, I ate earlier, I had pizza.' Jeff smiled, pizza had always been one of Dixie's favourite foods and he was pleased that she was eating it again. The fact that Dixie was enjoying her food made Jeff feel happy. He gently tilted Dixie's head until she was looking at him and he looked into her eyes, they had their sparkle back. Dixie was herself again and Jeff smiled down at her, he leaned in and softly captured her lips with his.

Dixie opened her mouth beneath Jeff's kiss, she felt his tongue gently caress her own and she moved closer to Jeff as they kissed. She felt Jeff's hand move up and then down her body, it stopped just under her breast and she felt him gently caress the underside of her breast with his finger. Dixie sighed quietly as Jeff moved away from her lips and rested his head against hers. 'Dixie, my beautiful Dixie, come with me princess.'

'Where?'

'Upstairs, I want to make love to you and then hold you in my arms as we sleep.'

'Okay,' she whispered.

'Are you sure princess? If you're not then we can just go to bed to sleep.' Dixie nodded, she wanted to make love to Jeff as much as he wanted to make love to her.

'I'm sure.'

'All right.' Dixie put her hand into the one that Jeff held out to her and she let him lead her upstairs.

Jeff opened the door to Dixie's bedroom and closed it behind them, he switched on the lamp and then closed the door behind them, the curtains followed and then he turned back to Dixie. Jeff went over to Dixie and he gently took her hands in his, he looked at her and then put his arms around her, holding her tight. Jeff breathed in the scent of Dixie's hair, she had obviously washed it not long ago and he could smell her shampoo. He was happy that Dixie was safe and well, he took comfort from having her in his arms, he had come so close to losing her. 'Dixie, my Dixie,' he whispered quietly. Jeff felt lucky to have Dixie in his arms and in his life again, he loved her so much and he was going to make the most of the second chance that he had been given.

Dixie let Jeff hold her, she sensed his need to be held close and she put her arms around him. She heard Jeff sigh into her hair and he kissed her on the cheek. Dixie slowly lifted Jeff's shirt off over his head and she smiled at him, she lifted her arms up and her own shirt followed Jeff's onto the floor. Jeff took her bra off and he held his arms out to her, Dixie wrapped her arms around Jeff and she felt his arms close around her. 'It's been so long since we've been together like this.'

'I know princess.' Dixie looked up into Jeff's eyes and she smiled at him, she loved him so much. She slowly removed the rest of Jeff's clothing and her own soon followed them.

'Jeff, come on love, come and lie with me.' Dixie lay down on the bed and encouraged him to lie down with her, she tilted her head to the right and looked into Jeff's eyes. She saw love, passion and gentleness in his eyes, he was her Jeffrey and she was glad to have him back again. 'Love you Jeffrey.'

'Love you princess.' Dixie leaned in and kissed Jeff, she stroked his cheek again and she rested her forehead against his.

'Make love to me Jeff,' she said quietly and he nodded his agreement.

Jeff lay on his side next to Dixie and he trailed his fingers over her arm and down to her fingers. He just looked at her in the light of the lamp, her curves were coming back and he smiled. 'You are so beautiful princess.' He kissed Dixie on the head and stroked his fingers over her body until he reached her stomach and he rested his hand there as he gazed down at her. He noticed the blush that coloured Dixie's cheeks as he looked at her. 'My Dixie.'

'I'm yours Jeff, always.' Jeff captured Dixie's lips with his own and he felt her hand run up and down his back as their naked skin touched. He felt himself becoming turned on as he stroked Dixie's bare skin with his hand and she touched him, he wanted her and needed her. Jeff slowly moved out of the kiss, he sat up on the bed and he slipped on a condom. 'Dixie, I want us to try something.' He smiled at Dixie and guided her into position until she was sat in his lap with his length buried inside her body. 'Wrap your legs and arms around me princess.' Dixie did as he asked her and Jeff held her close, they were connected again and he loved the way that it felt.

Dixie looked into Jeff's eyes as he slowly started to move inside her, the position they were in meant that everything felt so much more intense and deep. She could feel every inch of Jeff's length inside her and she moaned into his mouth as he kissed her. Dixie pulled away from the kiss and she looked into Jeff's eyes as he moved inside her, she rocked her hips against his and she was rewarded with a moan from Jeff. She soon found her timing and began to move in sync with Jeff's movements and she moaned again as her orgasm started to work its way through her body. 'My Jeffrey, I love you.'

'Love you too sweetheart.' Dixie wrapped her arms tighter around Jeff and pulled him closer as her body slipped into sweet release.

Jeff looked into Dixie's eyes as he made love to her, he maintained eye contact with her and moved his hips up to hers. He held onto her tightly as his own orgasm rushed through his body shortly after Dixie had hers. Jeff kissed Dixie on the head and held her close, he didn't want to let her go just yet. 'Dixie,' he said softly and he kissed her, he kept it slow and tender and stroked her hair as he held her close to him. Jeff noticed that Dixie still had her rings on the chain around her neck, he reached up and released the chain that was holding them. He let the rings fall off and into his hand. 'Dixie Collier, I love you, always. Be mine?'

'Jeffrey Collier, I love you, I am yours, forever.'

'Forever,' Jeff repeated and put the rings back on Dixie's finger. He really did like the sound of forever with Dixie, he loved her so much and wanted her by his side always.

Dixie snuggled up to Jeff, she didn't feel like sleeping just yet so she moved until she could look at Jeff's face. 'Jeff?'

'Yes princess.'

'We will be all right now, won't we?'

'Of course we will my love, I'm not going to let anything come between us ever again.'

'Neither will I.'

'Good, I'm going to love you forever sweetheart.'

'I like the sound of that, forever, it's nice.'

'It is.' Dixie snuggled herself back up against Jeff's chest and just let him hold her, she was back in his arms and she didn't want to be anywhere else. She loved Jeff more than anyone and she was determined that she would always be by his side.

Jeff looked down at Dixie, she was still awake but her eyes would close every so often and he knew that she was falling asleep. 'Goodnight princess.'

'Goodnight Jeffrey.' Jeff smiled at the sleepiness in Dixie's voice. Dixie's hand was resting on Jeff's chest and he looked at the rings that now sat on her finger, it meant the world to Jeff that Dixie had welcomed him back into her life. He wanted her in his life more than anything, without her it felt as if his whole world was coming crashing down around him. Jeff hadn't been able to focus properly when he had been without his Dixie, he loved her so much and wanted to be with her. Jeff gently cradled the now sleeping Dixie in his arms. 'I love you princess and I promise you that I'm going to tell you that at least once every day.' Jeff rested his head back against the pillow and he silently vowed that he would always take care of the woman that was lying in his arms, he would be near her when she needed him and give her all of the love that she deserved, forever.


End file.
